DH doesn't want to come into the operating theatre (C Section)

[dramallamakarma]

I'm booked in for an elective CS in 4 weeks due to placenta previa & DH doesn't think he will cope coming in with me.

He's a bit of a wuss tbf... he was there for the birth of our first DC (VB) and actually cut the cord.

Has anyone experienced a CS on their own? I'm quite a strong person and not too worried but wondered if a nurse was there 'top end' to reassure etc....

My mum is out of the equation as she'll be looking after DC1 and there's no one else I'd like to be there.

[OrangeJulius]

Does he know there is a curtain and that he wont see anything?

I did have someone at my head btw, explaining when I would feel tugging, etc. No idea if that's the norm or not.

[wobblywonderwoman]

He would see nothing at all. It is very dignified. Huge curtain.

[Anotherdayanotherdollar]

You would be fine on your own, but if he wasn't going to be there could he not look after dc1 and you could have your mum with you?

[KadabrasSpoon]

He and you won't be able to see anything. There is an aneathetist with you. I had two aneathetists for placenta praevia emcs but not sure if this is standard.

[BewareOfDragons]

Your DH should be there with you.

If he absolutely refused, then let him watch DC1 and have your mum with you. He can't expect her to watch the DC1 while you're alone having his child so he can sit by himself in a hallway; least he can do is watch your other child so you can have someone with you.

[dramallamakarma]

He does know there's a curtain, he'll quite happily watch blood & guts on the television but he doesn't like the thought of them cutting me open.

I'm not sure my mum would be too keen either really... think I just need to gear up for going it alone then if DH decides to come in it'll be a bonus.

I'm certainly not going to try & persuade him, the last thing I want is someone there who doesn't want to be. How long will we be in theatre for? Any ideas?

[stopbeingadramallama]

I know it’s not exactly the same but my OH was with me for the first part of the normal birth.

I ended up going to theatre for an emergency c section in the end. He chose not to come. I was a bit annoyed with him but I was fine on my own and wasn’t in theatre very long.

If you could have someone with you then that would be great but try not to worry about it too much.

[cookiefiend]

DH is very squeamish and was worried, but has survived two of mine. I think he could ask to stay outside until you have the spinal etc in (though DH was actually ok with that). Then they sit him down at you head. There is s sheet so he cannot see anything. If he mentions to staff he is nervous they will be careful to ensure he sees nothing.

A planned section is quite a calm affair. Only problem for us was I wanted DH to tell me the sex- so they got him to stand up and see both times- so he saw everything! Actually though he had been worried he found it all very controlled and reassuring.

[SignoraStronza]

I've experienced one alone. Foreign country, technically an EMCS, but spinal only and not really an 'emergency' as such, although not too sure due to the culture of 'woman must not make informed decisions or question anything'. OHs not allowed regardless of situation. To be honest, I was so out of it and pissed off with him by then, I didn't really care! Think it would have been different had the controlling arsehole allowed me to give birth in the nearest city teaching hospital rather than the provincial backwards one. (He's now an ex) Baby was whisked away, despite apgar of 10, and didn't see it for hours, due to visiting hours and 'infection risk'. He did eventually insist that the baby was wheeled in to me from the nursery so I could see it and attempt a first feed.
DCs2&3, DH present throughout (UK) but stayed resolutely at the head end. He was awesome and helped keep me calm, despite being fully aware that something want right for #3. (Lots of scarring/blood loss - was in there for ages). Held dc 3 for ages while they were putting me back together and carried on talking nonsense to distract me. He hates anything medical and did really well.
I did say that I'd have been fine if he didn't want to come in, but in the end I was glad he did.

[Floralnomad]

I had an ELCS for my second and dh waited outside and they took the baby straight out to him after I'd had a look . It worked perfectly for us , he had had to go out 2/3 times during the birth of our first child to vomit and as I was vomiting myself during the section I didn't need the distraction of him doing the same .

[dramallamakarma]

Thanks for the replies ladies, I think I need to take him with me for my prep appt the day before. Maybe hearing the medical staff explain it will convince him.

Would be good to know how close he could wait, would they take the baby to show him etc. If he did come in I take it he could just leave if he felt unwell?

[Lj8893]

You will have the anaesthetist at the top end with you and they are generally pretty good at chatting and keeping you calm, but their main job is to make sure your body is coping under the anaesthetic.

There will also be a midwife with you but they will have other bits to be doing so will be in and out from being next to you. Potentially you could have a student midwife there which would be beneficial for you if you are alone.

A straight forward ELCS is likely to take approx 45-60 mins depending on the surgeon!

[Lj8893]

He should be able to wait in the room you will be going to for recovery. They can take the baby to show him but ideally you will be having skin to skin in theatre.

[KadabrasSpoon]

I'd ask your consultant as those things might well vary between hospitals and consultants.
Placenta praevia can be a more complicated section due to the nature of the condition. So might be worth asking time estimates etc as they'll have the notes on where your placenta is, grade etc.

[Katy75]

I had ELCS for placenta previa in February. It took longer than previous EMCS because they are very careful to avoid the placenta and I had some minimal bleeding which they had to deal with (plus with EMCS baby was in distress so they had to be quick of course). They scannned me in theatre to check position of placenta and think I had 3 obstetricians doing the surgery. My husband was there (and as pps have said, the staff really could position your husband so he does not see anything upsetting) but anaesthetist was brilliant and chatted to us throughout and told us everything that was going on. I found that we actually saw very little of our midwife and it was the lovely anaesthetist that was our support. I very much wanted a c-section second time so not nervous of the c-section, but I was scared by the placenta previa, and great if you are not but I would second having someone there as a support for you. Good luck and how exciting that you will soon meet your little one!

[Priam]

I had an ELCS on my own. DH was down the road have a full English in Garfunkels.
You'll be absolutely fine.
I was fine about DH not being in the operating theatre, then a little scared for the first 5 minutes I was in there but afterwards I was totally ok for the rest of it.
There are so many people there that you don't feel alone, and the anaesthetist's assistant in particular held my gaze and was very comforting throughout

[dramallamakarma]

@Priam that did make me laugh!

Placenta is completely covering the os so the consultant I saw last did say it would be the most senior staff undertaking the op & I'll be first in in case of complications (they have to be cautious I guess).

I've definitely got a list of things I want to ask now, thanks

[LumpySpaceCow]

If he really doesn't want to be there then don't force him - the last thing the theatre staff need to deal with is a panicking/fainting/vomiting DH! I think you would be fine on your own but prewarn them to see if there is an extra body e.g. student nurse/midwife who could be there for support.
FWIW during my last section we didn't have any screens up and you still couldn't see anything over my gigantic stomach

[Hairgician]

They don't bring partners in til your spinal is in and all set up so he won't see anything. Good luck!

[2014newme]

In a word tough! What an idiot, you don't want to be there either!

[FlorisApple]

My DH did not come in for my first (em) cs: I took my doula in instead (would that be a possibility for you?) I had been in labour for days, DH is squeamish, and by that point I just didn't want him to have to endure it, and also felt I would be worrying about him rather than me and the baby. In the end it was actually really nice, as my doula brought the baby out to him and he held her before me. They really seemed to bond in those first moments. For my second csecs (elective), my DH did come into the theatre and he coped fine (but we'd all had more sleep than the first time!)

[PressPaws]

Could you hire a doula? They would know the whole process and would be there just to help you.

I've had an elective CS and it was very calm, anaesthetist and nurse chatted away to me. From memory the baby was out very quickly, within 15 mins, took a bit longer to stitch up - maybe half an hour? So the whole thing was done in around an hour or so.

[SuburbanRhonda]

my OH was with me for the first part of the normal birth.

People tend to use the term “vaginal birth” these days, otherwise the implication is that a c-section is abnormal.

[PressPaws]

Ah, cross post with Floris!

[AndNoneForGretchenWieners]

I didn't have a CS but I do have a DH who is hospital phobic. He really couldn't cope with the idea of being at the hospital for the birth, not just because he's squeamish but because his heart rate goes through the roof and he has panic attacks if he has to go into hospital for any reason. Even visiting a patient.

My mum came with me, he stayed at home with DSS, and DH visited me after the birth for a short while, and visited DS in the SCBU. That worked well for us, although as I said I didn't have a CS (but nearly ended up with an emergency CS).