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Pregnancy

Would you say this is a bonding issue.? Anyone the same

17 replies

CinnamonAndSpice · 21/10/2017 23:37

So was ttc for around 2yrs. Various issues both parties. Was told it was very likely need Ivf. But try clomid first.
Happened 1st month! So obviously over the moon. But this is where it starts..

So I'd resigned to the fact that it prob just wouldn't happen.. Dp said I was silly to be so pessimistic.

So I see the body changing
I have brought 90% of the stuff needed
Made savings for buying for when born for pink or blue stuff.
I talk about when the baby comes
I feel the movement
I have organised in my head the mat leave etc

However
I can't seem to actually 'get that this is really happening emotionally' physically I do as in the being organised, mentally as I know it's there. I've had the 12&20 week scan. Pkus a private one. And a 4d booked.. I see it on the screen. But I till can't believe it in my heart

It's worrying me a fair bit for some reason.. A colleague said maybe if we found d out the sex I would bond better. But we both agreed not to which I am happy about

Sorry for rambling lol.. But I feel confused

OP posts:

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LittleBirdBlues · 21/10/2017 23:42

Having a baby is mind blowing. I was the same as you, couldn't really conceive of the whole thing even though I knew on a rational level that it was happening.

Strangely, I had the exact same feeling again with baby number 2 - making a bab grow inside you is seriously weird, magical, terrifying... I think we aren'tesnt to think about it all so much and try and "understand" it.

You will bond with your child when it's here. Possibly as soon as it comes out, or maybe a few days or weeks later, but it will happen.

LittleBirdBlues · 21/10/2017 23:43

PS we Also didn't find out the sex with either of ours. I doubt that has any impact on the surrealism of the whole thing.

DeadDoorpost · 21/10/2017 23:50

My parents have bonded more with the baby than I have. Some women just don't seem to be able to during the pregnancy. I'm 36 weeks now and only just starting to register that I'll soon be having something else to look after. Until he's here it's still a surreal thing to me, despite him moving and kicking.

I do put some of it down to resentment of how ill I've been throughout the pregnancy and how I've not been able to apply for some dream jobs of mine but at the end of the day it's hapenig now so I've got to get used to it.
But I've never experienced it before so I can't compare it to anything which doesn't help.

GreenGoblin0 · 21/10/2017 23:50

I really don't think it's a bonding issue. it's really difficult to get your head around - when baby is here you will definitely know it's happening so don't worry. Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Dairymilkmuncher · 21/10/2017 23:51

Are you anxious and unhappy about the baby coming or just can't believe it's really happening? It's surreal and can take a while to sink in, even after the baby is here it's like woah who is this tiny person!? One minute you're pregnant and just getting used to the fact then the next this tiny human who wasn't there a week ago is the boss ofbyou...total normal feeling

MummySparkle · 21/10/2017 23:51

Sounds to me like you’re still worried subconsciously that something might happen during the pregnancy. Perfectly normal in your situation.

I wouldn’t worry about not bonding with bump, it will change once they’re here. I didn’t bond with DC2 until after she was here. I desperately wanted a girl, but couldn’t believe what the radiographer said until she was actually here. Everything changed once she arrived, and I actually bonded with her faster than with DS because I didn’t have to transition between bonding bump and baby.

CinnamonAndSpice · 22/10/2017 00:03

It's definitely a case of can't actually believe it in my ♥. Weird I know with my dc 11. I had none of these feelings that I can remember tbh.
As. For the worry something may happen.. I do. Worry a fair bit. I don't know why, I'm 20.4 weeks now as had no issues. But even if had a bit of cm ( tmi) and I'm out or at work I think oh what if it's blood... I hones have no reason as to why I think it.
It's weird as I know there will be someone else depending on me., I have kinda planned how I'll fit everything in.. ( although goes without saying that I'm sure the Baby will have other ideas with routine lol) so don't think it's that

Like someone said, maybe it's just one of them thing that takes time?

Thank you for your own experiences.

OP posts:

Misspilly88 · 22/10/2017 00:07

Nothing unusual imo. I got pg first time and felt exactly the same. Didn't bond with him even after a few weeks after his birth. It's impossible to fully prepare for a baby, it's such a mind blowing experience. But if you're feeling depressed or anxious to get some help from a perinatal mental health professional. Your midwife can point you in the right direction.

ChocolatePancake · 22/10/2017 09:08

I never 'bonded' when I was pregnant either! With my first in fact it happened over time (but I was young and had no idea what I was doing) but my bond with him now is stronger than any human on the planet I could ever imagine, he's my angel and I love him fiercely. With my youngest I bonded as soon as he was born - wow, did I! Absolute rush of love, there was nothing like it and I can't explain it. Maybe because then I knew how to be a mother? Maybe because hormones? I really don't know, but it was strong and instant.... regardless though, I never felt love for either of them when I was pregnant, no real bond other than an urge to get things ready for their arrival and make sure I didn't eat anything I shouldn't etc. It may sound harsh but it's true.

Don't worry OP! It's not like the movies!

Lozmatoz · 22/10/2017 09:55

Totally normal! I’m in number 3, 33 weeks and give prepared nothing! I’m too busy with work, house and kids. But I know, as soon as this one lands I will be all consumed and dedicated. That’s when you bond. With my first 2 I didn’t quite believe it until I was holding them. You will be wonderful! Don’t believe all the hype, pregnancy is hard, being a mum is hard but you won’t believe how much they love you and you them when they’re here.

LadyPug · 22/10/2017 10:44

I was in labour and still didn’t feel like there was a baby in there! It’s so weird but pregnancy and motherhood felt very different to me and like everyone else, bonded when she arrived!

Rheged · 22/10/2017 10:50

I’ve had 2 babies. With neither pregnancy did I really get that I would have a baby at the end if it. Part of it was that I was very worried something would go wrong with the pregnancy. But most of it was that I simply couldn’t wrap my head around such a huge life-changing concept. With DD1, I remember sitting in the delivery room with my newborn in my arms saying ‘oh my god, i’ve got a BABY’ in a tone of such shock that the midwife laughed.

Ohyesiam · 22/10/2017 11:20

I remember a conversation among a group of my close female friends, and someone mentioned thinking " oh my god it's real, I've actually had a BABY" as soon as they gave birth. And Everyone in the group agreed. Ît Just didn't seen real, until we saw our babies. Could connect to the idea of being a patent as a concept, but not in our hearts.

When your baby arrives op, do lots of skin to skin time. There is something about that contact that bridges the gap between our minds and our hearts.
And keep talking about your worries, to your midwife, your partner, any friends you trust.
Congratulations op, and best of luck with it all.

Ohyesiam · 22/10/2017 11:23

And with my second I has a two yest old and hyperemesis, and barely gave my bump a thought, I was just to ill and exhausted.
He's 11 now and we've always been so close.

EightyNine · 22/10/2017 11:31

I had a bit more trouble bonding the second time. I found that singing to my bump when in the bath really helped. I also talked to the bump, and occasionally pretended he was talking too (we usually ganged up on my husband with some opinion or other) but I know such silliness is not for everyone ;-)

rainbowsandsunshine · 22/10/2017 11:45

I am 39 weeks today and have felt this way the whole way through my pregnancy. I tried for so long for this baby and he is very much wanted and loved.

I don't think it is a bonding issue, I think personally for me I still can't quite believe my luck, if that make any sense?

cherryontopp · 22/10/2017 16:46

I could have written this post.

I was trying for over 2 year, tried Clomid, didn't work, ended up having IVF. I never thought IVF would work, or if it did, is miscarry.

I'm 24 weeks now, first round of IVF worked. Still can't believe it's going to happen and then every time I get excited, i feel like I have to put my guard back up. Its scary to be happy. I have no words of advice cos I feel the same. Just enjoy yoir baby when they're here

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