Advanced search

Pregnant? See how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy with the Mumsnet Pregnancy Calendar.

Take him back after cheating just because I'm pregnant?

(10 Posts)
lovelystar Thu 19-Oct-17 08:37:53

Hi I'm completely new here and not sure if this is the right place to ask for this advice but I thought I would try you guys anyway!

I have known my boyfriend for about a year and a half and we became an official couple about 5 months ago, around the time i found out I was having his baby, which is my first. We get along really well most of the time and make quite a good team and love each other alot (or so I thought).
However a few weeks ago I was sat in my room and a message from a girl I don't know popped up on his Facebook. I was feeling curious as he had been acting quite strange so I checked the past messages from these two which went back a few days, and involved him talking about his sexual fantasies and arranging for them to meet up to have sex with each other (I was in work at the time they planned). I was so angry with him and felt upset and let down though he swore nothing happened between them and said it was the biggest mistake he's ever made.

The question is is would you take him back after this? Stupid question as I know what advice I would give someone else in this situation, but I stupidly took him back and feel weak for doing so. All this has been brought to the surface again as 2 nights ago he went out and has not contacted me since then despite being active on facebook.

I'm a young mother on my first pregnancy which is already high risk and I'm already away from all my friends and family in a different city sad
Am I tolerating more than I should? Part of me thinks maybe I'm only still with him because I want a father for my child. I would never stop him from seeing our child whatever happens between us and although I'm the first to admit I'm not the easiest to get along with sometimes (I'm 5 months pregnant!?) I feel like I don't deserve this. Would I be justified in ending this or am I overreacting?

Thank you so much for reading my rant just want an outsiders perspective I guess!

EastDulwichWife Thu 19-Oct-17 10:45:48

You would absolutely be justified in ending the relationship. He hasn't shown either of you any respect. Leaving him doesn't mean he can't still have a relationship with your child, if that's what you want.

louiserachael Thu 19-Oct-17 11:15:26

@lovelystar firstly congratulations on your pregnancy!

Secondly what a shit stain - I’m so sorry you are going through this right now this is not what you need. There are a lot of angles to this predicament- you say he was messaging another girl but they haven’t had any physical contact (that you know of) I personally still class this as cheating as if my boyfriend did this I would flip my lid however it could have been a cry for attention - the fact that he Went out and didn’t contact you is incredibly irresponsible I’m guessing this is the first time he’s done that? Is he young?

My advice is everyone reacts to pregnancy differently and sometimes people (men) do stupid things without thinking if you love him and you to make it work then do it however you need to make sure you aren’t becoming a doormat you need to make him grovel don’t cry in front of him let that sorry son of a b*tch know you are a hot piece of ass and you can replace his sorry self pregnant and all! Even if you don’t believe that right now make sure he does listen to some Beyoncé get your independent woman game head on and you tell him if he wants to keep you he needs to change his attitude and until then you aren’t going to put up with his shit!!! He is privileged enough that you are carrying his baby he needs to be supporting you right now not the other way around.

Honestly men are stupid and sometimes they need to be told what to do!!

X x

letsdolunch321 Thu 19-Oct-17 11:23:12

I would leave this relationship now, There is help out there for ladies like you. Make an appt to see your midwife/doctor and see how they can help you.

Sounds like another man that has a dick for brains

Hope it works out for you

JoJoSM2 Thu 19-Oct-17 11:32:18

To be honest, you sound like you only want to be with him out of desperation and not because he's actually worth it.

I'd go it alone. I know it's very difficult but I can't imagine having a good relationship with this guy. One of my friends is going through a similar thing and is going to go back home to be with her family for 3-4 months. She will deliver the baby there but intends to come back to where she lives now when the baby is 2-3 months old and she's on maternity leave.

cherryontopp Thu 19-Oct-17 11:37:32

I second what JoJo said. You just sound desperate for a dad for your baby. He has no respect for you at all and he'll doing it because you'll keep letting him get away with it.
I'd rather be a happy single mum and later on find a decent bloke. Your child will benefit from a happy mum than a miserable mum and dad.

Dauphinoise Thu 19-Oct-17 11:43:46

To be honest I don't sense that you're madly in love with him, or that he's the love of your life. And for him to be sexting girls, you clearly aren't the love of his life either. I get the feeling you're looking for outsiders to confirm it would be perfectly fine to ditch him, even though you're pregnant to him... Yes, it is fine. You can't trust him to be a good partner unfortunately.

However you can both still be great parents regardless of whether you're together or not.

If it was me, I'd end it (because I've been there and done it). But I'm not you....

PGTips83 Thu 19-Oct-17 14:44:21

I'm so sorry to hear you're going through this, what a difficult time for you.

I can only second what the rest have said - I think you should leave him. I know that must seem like a daunting and scary option, but you have to put yourself and your baby first. Of course he will still be their father, but staying together for the baby is the wrong thing to do.

You will both be tested to your upper limits when your lovely baby is born, and you need to know you have a partner who is reliable, trustworthy and on your team. You don't need to be wondering whether your boyfriend is cheating when you're also dealing with a little one.

I have unfortunately been cheated on by several partners over the years, and one thing is clear to me now: once a cheat, always a cheat. I had a dilemma with one boyfriend because it was just emails and not a physical relationship, and I eventually took him back. Then a year on, I found out he had started up a physical relationship with someone.

This guy has totally betrayed your trust and done something very, very hurtful towards you. That doesn't sound like the type of person you'd want to be spending the rest of your life with. And for your own sanity, end it now so you don't have to try to work at clawing back the trust in your relationship only to be betrayed again in future. It would be at about that time you'd wish you'd left him the first time around.

Gosh, sorry ladies, I realise how bitter and cynical I sound. And maybe some will disagree with once a cheater, always a cheater. I'm sure there are exceptions to the rule, I'm just speaking from my own experience.

It may seem impossible, but if your friends and family aren't around, is there an option to change that and be closer to them?

Big hug.

lovelystar Thu 19-Oct-17 18:28:24

@louiserachel your reply cheered me up thank you! I admit guys are really stupid it's so hard when your in the situation yourself as you always think you'd know exactly what to do! We are taking some time apart for now and are going to meet up for the midwife appointment in 2 weeks time x

lovelystar Thu 19-Oct-17 18:34:25

I accidentally posted in two different threads so copying my same reply smile
You guys are all so lovely i didn't expect such a supportive response! I finally heard from him today and his response was "I knew you'd be like this" suggesting that I'm being unreasonable and unfair by guilt tripping me. I'm usually quite a trusting person despite everything and have no problem with him being out having fun without texting me every 5 minutes however I just thought 2 days was something to be concerned about! Anyway we are taking a break from each other and meeting up again in 2 weeks for our next midwife appointment and probably catch up over coffee/tea. I don't know if he is freaking out over the pregnancy or what but he knows how to pick a time lol. I am taking serious consideration into moving back with my family so have a lot to talk about regarding that aswell x

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: