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Anyone leaving their partner while pregnant, and with previous DC?

(5 Posts)
Rubbishparent82 Tue 17-Oct-17 15:59:35

Hi I have another thread on the circumstances and reasons of my break up. To cut a long story short, he's very nice to me but I don't trust him and he's a deviant. I need to end it for my sanity.

I'm not here to talk about that anyway - I want to see if there are any other mums to be who are choosing to leave their partners when pregnant, or people who have done and how it worked out. How do you feel about the future? Despite having left both previous partners when pregnant, because they were abusive, I am worrying massively how in God's name I am going to cope on my own with three kids, how people are going to judge me and look down on my family for having 'three by three', and how the kids are going to cope with just boring me as they are close to my partner. Would welcome any experiences and it would be great to keep each other strong.

ChocolatePancake Tue 17-Oct-17 17:45:28

Three by three here! (Pregnant with third now). I really don't care what people think to be honest and if we broke up I would care equal amounts to as I do now about that. I love my babies and they were made via love, I was with my first from age 12-20 second for 21-27 and now my third for going on 4 years. My OH works away 6/7 days so he's not around much and I cope now and will cope just fine with 3 on my own, I think it's all about getting into your own flow, something you and your children are comfortable with, something predictable but not rigid. You can absolutely do it and it will be a much less stressful life than being with somebody who you don't trust flowers

RubbishMum82 Tue 17-Oct-17 17:55:15

Hi chocolate pancake, thanks so much for posting! That is very encouraging to hear. Do the exes help with their kids? Mine don't at all which is partly why I'm panicking!

My story isn't as respectable also unfortunately. I get pregnant just looking at a man. I was with the first dad for six months, the second for just over a year (he was in jail some of that time) and this one have been with just over a year and now are breaking up. I'm sickened how awful this sounds and how irresponsible I've been. I love my children more than life but feel nothing for their fathers whatsoever except mild resentment.

I feel so guilty

ChocolatePancake Tue 17-Oct-17 18:23:42

It really doesn't matter about the dads though if they're doing that really, what matters is the babies and yourself. Nobody ever waits around to hear my story or asks me about them, so of course it doesn't matter on my side either to be honest! I couldn't care less though, honestly, it's not the 50s anymore!
Anyways, the first father hasn't seen my eldest since he was 2 (now 11), we occasionally speak on whatsapp and he sends cards that I never show him because he doesn't seem to want to see him (may sound harsh but why confuse my son if he doesn't want to see him? Seems a bit backwards) he's a seriously lovely guy but he's NOT cut out for being a pops... my youngest sons dad works away half of the time and has a new Mrs in Florida so you can imagine how much he's around! Although he does stay in contact and is interested but as far as physical help is concerned... nope! None. He does love my boys but absolutely no actual help involved.
New OH treats me well, although I do have trust issues it may be because I'm pregnant and have existing issues from being cheated on repeatedly by my ex so I'm letting myself just float through it for now..:: but regardless, he's around one day a week and so I'm usually flying solo! It's what I'm used to and how I like it though, I love it when it's just me and my babies. I used to panick just like you (especially when my ex kept leaving me during pregnancy and when I had my son) but gradually over time I realised I really don't need anybody and being alone with your babies is much easier when you're not fretting about it flowers

RubbishMum82 Wed 18-Oct-17 17:00:44

Wow you must be massively organised and strong to be able to cope in that situation, but you sound encouragingly happy! I admire you for being able to hold down a relationship with your previous issues. I have similar ones and as you can tell by my history, my relationships have always been very short lived. My insecurity always gets in the way or I've chosen men with abusive personalities.

I've actually decided not to have another man in my life for ten years now and just concentrate on myself and my kids. Can't cope at all and I don't want another father figure letting them down. Better to have a strong happy independent mum!

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