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I just need to rant (baby shower related)

(13 Posts)
DeadDoorpost Tue 17-Oct-17 15:02:39

I was going to name change as DH occasionally surfs on MN but who cares

I just need to vent my frustrations because I've just had a surprise baby shower and DH knows I didn't want one and yet he still said nothing and encouraged me to go out for lunch today. I'm obviously going to talk to him about it once he gets home from work but I didn't want one; I hate the attention, and I said weeks and weeks ago about it, and I even brought it up in the last few days so it's not that he's forgotten about me not wanting one.
The woman who organised it has apologised because I think she realised how I felt but I'm just so annoyed that DH doesn't seem to have taken my feelings into account for this. He's usually really good.

I did stick it out and am now sat at home waiting for the crying to start because there's always a delayed reaction with things like this.

Someone tell me to pull myself together.

ChocolatePancake Tue 17-Oct-17 15:06:34

Third pregnancy and nobody will throw me a baby shower! Lol. I'm sure they were just trying to make you happy and I'm sure they feel pretty shitty now about going to the trouble and having you huffing and puffing about it! I understand you didn't want one but at least it's over with now and hopefully no long term damage caused

DeadDoorpost Tue 17-Oct-17 15:07:10

I think I'm just frustrated more because it was arranged by my church group and they're all lovely women so I obviously didn't want to upset them and I know they were and are excited for me about the baby.

I think that makes it worse for me.

DeadDoorpost Tue 17-Oct-17 15:08:54

@ChocolatePancake I did (hopefully) keep on my smile and am now huffing and puffing at home. I honestly can't be upset at the women who attended, it's probably more directed at DH at this point for not telling them how I'd feel. (I cross-posted, so see that as well)

ChocolatePancake Tue 17-Oct-17 15:10:55

Partners do stupid things! It was likely well intended though

PinkHeart5914 Tue 17-Oct-17 15:15:48

Was it honestly that awful? I mean I get you didn’t want one but presumably these people that like you enough to have arranged it gave you a nice time and were nice to you?

Why are you going to cry as a delayed reaction?

Think of it this way, Some people obviously think a great deal about you and are happy about your baby and wanted to celebrate that and that is a wonderful thing

confused123456 Tue 17-Oct-17 15:28:34

I understand what you're saying. Personally I hate baby showers and I wool never ever want one. If my dh knew someone was trying to arrange one for me, I'd expect him to put a stop to it, because he knows it's not what I want.
I understand what others are saying that the people were being nice. But sometimes it's about what the person involved wants or doesn't want.

DeadDoorpost Tue 17-Oct-17 16:13:17

@PinkHeart5914 It wasn't a horrible thing, I just hate attention being focused on me, and thankfully it didn't last for absolutely ages. They were all lovely to me, so I was lovely back.
The delayed reaction and crying is something that happens to me when I have a shock/surprise/don't know how to deal with a situation straightaway. The exact same thing happened with my hen-do. I can't often control it and it always happens after the event.

Think of it this way, Some people obviously think a great deal about you and are happy about your baby and wanted to celebrate that and that is a wonderful thing Oh yes, absolutely, and I'm gad they feel that way. I just wish I'd had time to prepare for it I guess? If I'd known about it then I could have mentally prepared to enjoy the day.

Update: I spoke to DH as he's just phoned me and he thought it was going to be tomorrow, but did apparently tell them I wouldn't be happy with it. He apologised to me for not warning me (the woman who organised had also invited us over for dinner at hers for tomorrow so he got the days mixed up) and I have calmed down a bit more now.

Thank you for letting me rant to you all though <3

Amethyst975 Tue 17-Oct-17 18:48:26

OP, are you ok generally? You sound like you're carrying a lot of extra stress at the moment? flowers

SeatOfMyPants Tue 17-Oct-17 19:14:21

I completely understand - hate surprises and being the centre of attention- and I’d feel similarly angry and upset at wing ignored by my DH. When you’ve talked expressly about how bad these things make you feel and that you don’t want them I think it IS perfectly justifiable to feel that way, even if it’s good intentioned. It’s like the person doesn’t know you or care about your needs.

SeatOfMyPants Tue 17-Oct-17 19:14:39

Being not wing!

TheCatsMother99 Tue 17-Oct-17 19:27:01

I don't like surprises or baby showers either so I understand.

Hope you're feeling better now.

DeadDoorpost Tue 17-Oct-17 23:33:41

Amethyst this is my first baby so I'm probably totally nervous but I don't think about it too much. I have discussed with people in person about how I've got conflicting feelings about it all in general so I don't really know.
seat and catsmother yeah I'm feeling better now thanks. I sat and wrapped up Christmas presents and ate a box of Maltesers and did have a bit of a cry but feeling all good now. DH did insist hed told them a few times I wouldn't enjoy it but u guess he then assumed nothing was happening just yet and was happening another time so would have warned me then. He did sound genuinely concerned when he found out what had happened; he remembers how I was after my Hen do went wrong.

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