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Is it wrong to be feeling like this?!

(5 Posts)
shortcake76 Tue 17-Oct-17 12:43:45

Is it wrong that I don't feel particularly excited about being pregnant? I am grappling with feelings of worry, being scared and majorly anxious about finding out if there is something wrong with the baby.

My DH is completely stressed out at the moment with his job situation and has already told me the likelihood is we're going to have to stay in our small one bedroom flat until his job has been sorted and we've had the baby. Money isn't an issue, but he's super cautious with everything. He's already told me I need to essentially be mature about this pregnancy and take it day by day and stop fretting over every little thing as it's not helping his stress levels.

I have tried to tell him how I feel - my family are all local, but to be honest they're not "hands on" and I know I am going to be on my own a lot of the time. I have checked out the local NCT group and it's dormant. The thought of being in a one bedroom flat (first floor) with a screaming baby fills me with dread.

I've also discovered that my local maternity hospital is midwife led only and doesn't have a consultant, offer epidural only gas and air. This has sent me into meltdown. The consultant led hospital is about 1 hour away in the car and I am stressing about getting there and being sent away again on the actual day.

I've not told anybody re this pregnancy and I haven't got anybody to talk to so just wanted to know if these feelings were perfectly normal?

AiryFairy1991 Tue 17-Oct-17 12:52:33

I’ve never suffered from anxiety before but I suffered something awful during my pregnancy.

Your situation sounds stressful and it must be hard to not rant away to your OH if he’s also stressed!

All of your feelings are perfectly valid but I also think all these situations are manageable! Newborns don’t take up loads of space so you’ll be fine in a one bedroom flat especially if it’s not forever just until your OH feels comfortable enough to look for something else.

Is midwife led a complete no go for you? Is it the thought of not having access to any pain relief you want? Could you discuss this with your midwife at your next appointment?

An hour away isn’t so bad I don’t think but you’re right if you’re already feeling like this being sent away might not be great! Unfortunately you won’t know until it happens.

shortcake76 Tue 17-Oct-17 14:31:51

My OH is freelancing at the moment as a business consultant. We have a sizeable chunk to put down for a house deposit, but we still need to get a mortgage to fund the difference between deposit and asking price. As he was made redundant about 18 months ago, since then he has been self-employed. So we need 3 months of wage slips from him. I own the flat and the mortgage is in my name, hence why we're where we are - he sold his house to relocate to be with me. The other difficulty we have is we both feel it's crunch time in determining where we live - North or South. We're currently in the South, but OH's family are all in the North a good 6 hours away - we both feel that his family are going to more hands on and supportive and I feel I will have a better support network there than with my family - we all live about 20 minutes of each other, but I can honestly say I've seen my brother twice this year and sister a dozen times.

I guess we will have to manage, but I think it's the worry of feeling completely isolated. However, I am hoping that we will make new friends from antenatal groups locally.

Midwife led would not be my first option. As stupid as it sounds, I have an irrational fear of childbirth - it's something that has always freaked me out and to be honest if I could, I'd be opting for an elective. It makes me feel happier going somewhere that I know if I needed everything going, I've got it there! Given my age, I suspect the midwife may categorise me as "high risk" anyway so that will pre-empt the local hospital midwife led fear as she will say Consultant led.

I hate feeling like this. I know this should be a happy exciting time, but I am just filled with dread, stress and gloom!

DeadDoorpost Wed 18-Oct-17 00:30:06

I think it's perfectly normal to worry As you want the best and most comfortable life you can have for your new family.
DH and I are renting a 1 bedroom flat that we just found some kinda dangerous mould in, he earns less than 11k a year and his job isn't 100% secure so he could lose it at the end of any school term he works. I'm constantly on the edge about it but know that he'd do anything he could to make sure me and the baby are ok at least. (He's job hunting too as he wants to earn more, so he's not just doing the minimum but it's very difficult to find work where we are atm so another move could be on the cards for us too)
I'd be a bit hmm with your DH if he's telling you to be mature about it so it doesn't make his stress worse. Yes ok I understand that stress can be nasty but you're pregnant, it's a new experience, and even women who've had several kids can and will still feel worried during another pregnancy because no-one ever knows whats going to happen throughout. Youre perfectly entitled to feel steessed and worried and upset all at the same time. flowers

Soon2bemum2017 Wed 18-Oct-17 07:06:00

Hey OP

Just to let you know... these feelings you are having they are completely normal in pregnancy! Anxiety is a massive part but please feel free to rant whenever you like.

I think the 1 bedroom flat is ok to have the newborn in! There is definitely no harm in that. Why this is important is because personally i would much rather be 100% financially stable with your house deposit money as a buffer whilst you are off etc then stretching yourself too thin getting a mortgage right now and add a massive realistic worry to your list.

The moving up north thing, there are many plus sides to this! The cost of living is massively cheaper than most places in the south. But the support network you have is the most important thing to consider. When our DS is about 1 we will be moving from London to Devon which will be a massive change! But we need to do it because the main support network we have is my parents and they are going. I really worried about this in early pregnancy but now i know it is the right thing for us.

You need to talk to your local hospital and see if they transfer to the bigger non-midwife led hospital for reasons like pain relief etc... i'm sure most do! But either way hospitals take your travel time into consideration before turning you away. If you turned up very much in labour and not coping at 2cm they will not make you do a 2hr round trip just to make you reach 4cm. I would discuss this with your midwife though as they will have the bedt knowledge on policies and procedures for your area.

I hope this helps! X

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