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Is it wrong to be upset?

(12 Posts)
Pinky333777 Tue 17-Oct-17 09:29:34

I know logically I'm being silly, but I'm still feeling a bit sad.

My friend just messaged me with a picture of a lovely wool sleeping bag type thing she says she's just bought for my baby.
I'm grateful and it's a lovely gift and gesture, but part of me wants ME to be the one who buys the first thing for my baby 😕
Maybe I'm not organised enough.
I'm 18wks. I was waiting until after the next scan before planning what to start buying.
It's my fault. If it meant that much to me I should have told people to hold off on gifts.
I just didn't realise it did mean so much to me until hearing someone else beat me to it.

KarateKitten Tue 17-Oct-17 09:32:02

You are wrong to be upset. But you'll only really see that in hindsight. smile

You'll probably find this sleeping bag is one of the greatest gifts ever, or it will end up in the back of the cupboard never used. Who knows. It's just things. And bought because someone else is excited for you!

MrsFletcher Tue 17-Oct-17 09:34:38

To me it wouldn't matter as there are many firsts. However, different people prioritise different things. I'd say if you've bought prenatal vitamins etc. you've already bought things for your baby! Things that are far more important and long-lasting than a wool sleeping bag. Do try not to let it stress you out as it's not good for either of you. I'm sure when you have the baby in your arms you will no longer care who bought its first gift. smile

fedupoflivinglikethis Tue 17-Oct-17 09:44:49

I was upset when my mum took my first son on a swing for the first time. I know now that it was rather silly for me to get so annoyed, but at the time it really upset me. He's 5 now and it doesn't make me upset/annoyed anymore.

I brought one outfit after we had our 12 week scan (mainly to announce with), but haven't got any other clothes since. I'm waiting until we know what we're having.. which is 5 weeks away 😫 so longggg!

I can understand why you're upset now. But you won't be forever.

Roseandbee Tue 17-Oct-17 10:22:21

I can understand why your upset, obviously it's wrong to actually hold it against your friend but I'm sure you know that yourself.
I've been upset over similar myself, partly I think it's down to feeling possessive over the baby but also early pregnancy for me was not a fun time, it was filled with worry and also I felt physically terrible. So if someone took away something you were looking forward to then it could be upsetting.

ChilliMum Tue 17-Oct-17 10:35:22

I know it seems like a big deal at the moment but I promise 10 years from now you will be unable to remember who bought what and when, honestly in the grand scheme of things it doesn't matter.

You have billions of first to come, most of which will b complete let down as it's never as exciting as you think for example I don't remember my dds first trip to the beach or the first time we paddled in the sea (although I am sure they would have been with me) however I have a very clear memory of the first time she ate sand! The look on her face was priceless and just to confirm it was as bad as she thought she tried again! The memory of your child trying to simultaneously eat and spit out sand is a first that stays with you.

The unexpected firsts are the best ones and you have so many to enjoy.

Just to add my dd is 11 and would like her first computer for Christmas, I'd be bloody delighted if someone else would like the honour of buying that first grin

Pinky333777 Tue 17-Oct-17 10:56:56

I'm not that upset.
I think there was also an initial feeling of guilt that I haven't got anything for my own baby yet!
Obviously I've been nothing but smiley, happy and greatful to said friend - as I should be 😊

I think I've underlying worries that people around me have seemed to be a lot more excited about my pregnancy than I am, and that doesn't seem right to me 😢
Guess that's a whole other thread! 😆

chipscheeseandgravy Tue 17-Oct-17 11:10:50

My friend bought my son his ‘first pair of shoes’, she saw them and bought them on the spot. there about 5 sizes too big and not suitable for a toddler.
They will never be his first pair of shoes, me and his dad bought his first pair.
You baby won’t know. The first thing you get will always be the first thing YOU bought, and that’s how you can remember it. smile

mummabubs Tue 17-Oct-17 12:34:27

Whilst I agree with other replies that in the future you might not view it the same way as you do right now I just wanted to say you're justified in feeling upset as you wanted to buy and choose things yourself OP, please don't feel like there's a right or wrong way to feel about being given baby "firsts", despite what others might tell you!

My MiL (very well-intentioned) decided to present me with a full bag full of things on Mother's Day this year- nappies, wipes, baby grows in multiple sizes, 10 bibs, blankets, toys... the lot! I had to go to the toilet after graciously accepting and cry at length afterwards...

The context- half of my reaction was that I was only 12 weeks pregnant and we'd been told there might be complications that would mean we'd lose the pregnancy (MiL was aware of this before Mother's Day). But actually the bigger part of my emotional response was that I felt I'd had the experience of buying the first things for my first child completely removed from me and it felt very overwhelming. My MiL even joked at the time "I've packed your hospital bag for you" and this just made me feel even more upset!! 🙈

DeadDoorpost Tue 17-Oct-17 12:39:32

I understand about the feeing that others are more excited than you about the pregnancy.. my parents and in laws are way way way more excited than I am and they've just brought down a ton of stuff they've bought over the last 7 months. I think they even got the first thing for the baby but I honestly don't remember 😂 I'm just greatful it's several things I don't have to worry about spending money on...

Roseandbee Tue 17-Oct-17 15:53:02

Pinky in a way it's easier for other people to get excited as all they get to mostly just think about all the good things coming. Where as when it's actually your baby I think there's also a tonne of worries about the pregnancy, getting things ready and thinking about the future that can really temper any excitement. Plus I'm 26 weeks and I can feel the baby moving and stuff but it all still seems a bit surreal

@mummabubs I'm also dealing with the MIL over buying, she's also started on toiletries now and I felt that over stepped the mark more than clothes as it's going to be my choice which brands and products I decide to use for care of the baby. But I figure just be grateful as they probably mean well and remember that you can still buy all the stuff yourself if you want to, I know it's wasteful but do what makes you happy. This is what I keep telling myself as I get more n more bags of stuff confused

mummabubs Tue 17-Oct-17 16:01:49

Wise words @Roseandbee 😊 I keep trying to tell myself it's all meant from a loving place but I still get packages sent to me in the post- we actually have too many of things now as she just can't stop buying! I've told myself that if it continues I'll either have to politely say something or start donating things to charity shops- but then i feel bad that she's wasting her money! (That and the products and clothes she buys are a million miles away from what I'd choose!)

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