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Telling my boss I'm pregnant

(17 Posts)
fia101 Fri 13-Oct-17 21:55:37

I’m dreading it. Third baby but first baby with this company. Been here almost three years. Boss has no children and has over the years steadily decreased benefits to pregnant women so if you started before 2012 you get enhanced maternity pay and nursery vouchers but after 2012 it’s basic and no vouchers. So two tier system.

Dreading telling her though I don’t get treated well anyway I’m expecting it will get worse. Ie make me work longer hours.

I just need to tell her I know but I know that the first words I’ll say will be “I’m really sorry but I’m pregnant”

How did you tell your boss?

Misssmoo Fri 13-Oct-17 22:02:33

Don't say your really sorry....tough shit if your boss doesn't like it this is your baby and you deserve to be great the same as if you weren't pregnant xx

PossibiliTea Fri 13-Oct-17 22:05:48

I felt a bit weird because so many people had been off on maternity leave or gone part time and I actually said "I'm really nervous to tell you this..." but in hindsight I really wish I didn't, everyone is entitled to it and there are statutory rights in place to protect pregnant women!

fia101 Fri 13-Oct-17 22:07:31

You need time and money to enforce those statutory protections though - I’ve seen my firm in action first hand.

Moanyoldcow Fri 13-Oct-17 22:36:35

I'm really sorry - that sounds awful.

My boss was congratulatory and kind and has been very supportive. I just told her in our weekly meeting.

She already has given me a flexible start time to do the school run and laptop so I can work from home if I don't feel able to come in.

I think I must be very lucky judging from some of these threads that pop up and I really value the support I'm given.

cherryontopp Fri 13-Oct-17 22:57:51

You'll have the upper hand OP.
She can't treat you any worse because your pregnant, you could be a grievance in about her for sexual discrimination. If she makes you work longer hours, go to the doctor and get a note. Any sickness you have now cant go on your permanent record.
As long as you get statutory maternity leave and pay. Don't take anything lying down

fia101 Sat 14-Oct-17 13:41:46

I have at the moment as hoc one day working from home which isn’t in my contract - she’ll remove that first off. No flex or part time working permitted at my firm so this this informal arrangement ( which I verbally beg for each week) was huge. Not looking forward to standing on a hot train for 40 mins going home either.

LittleWingSoul Sat 14-Oct-17 15:07:12

How far along are you? Can you wait until it's quite obvious you have a bump before telling your boss? This would minimise the amount of time they'd be able to treat you badly. All very well that there are protections in place bur this doesn't always stop bad behaviour on the part of senior staff. I have sadly found this out the hard way and have had an awful time of it at work since disclosing at 17 weeks (28 weeks now).

fia101 Mon 13-Nov-17 08:39:28

I’m 17 weeks and will be telling boss today. I’m dreading it but can’t hide it anymore. I hate that whole “can I have a word with you [shuts door] as boss will know straight away what I’m about to say.

I keep thinking about how to announce it - do I say:

Sorry I’m about create a headache for you because....

I’ve a baby due end of April so shall I start to train up x now.

Would love to just email and state date baby due and here is maternity form but I guess that isn’t good practice when boss is in office next door.

I’m going to keep it business like as (which is perfectly reasonable) she’ll be thinking about effect on business.

I’m concerned she’ll be pissy with me now until baby born.

LittleWingSoul Mon 13-Nov-17 09:16:47

Good luck OP. I hope your boss surprises you. At least once you've told them it's done and you'll probably feel a sense of relief. You haven't done anything wrong, remember!

squadronleader87 Mon 13-Nov-17 10:39:04

Please don’t apologise to your boss! Be factual and to the point, but you don’t owe anyone an apology for being pregnant.

I would also suggest reading up on all your rights (ACAS) so you know what you are entitled to and whether you are being treated unfairly.

Re working from home - you can legally make a formal flexible working request for this. There has to be good business reasons for declining it and if you can demonstrate you’ve already been doing it, that will help.

squadronleader87 Mon 13-Nov-17 10:41:02

Acas guidance re flexible working:

m.acas.org.uk/index.aspx?articleid=1616

fluffygreenmonsterhoody Mon 13-Nov-17 10:45:49

Don’t apologise or you’ll spend the next four months apologising in words and deeds.

It also permeates the culture that it’s something to apologise for.

Absolutely fine to email her and tell her, then offer a meeting to discuss how you can have a smooth handover.

fia101 Mon 13-Nov-17 11:08:11

Thanks everyone - I really appreciate it. I will train myself not to say sorry! I tried to catch her but she’s off to a meeting - however she had time to tell me they’ve just recruited a bloke to department.

That will make telling her easier but it has generally been women in my department and now I have that dreaded feeling that he’s going to come in even though he’s less qualified than me, he’ll be on a better salary than me I know and the form won’t have to deal with dreaded women putting in flexible working working requests which they always refuse. I can predict he’ll be promoted before me.

To date - I work long hours, weekends and I’m very easy going. I don’t think this has stood me well. Can’t have it all I guess.

squadronleader87 Mon 13-Nov-17 11:39:16

Stories like this make me want to take to the barricades! I’ve been so lucky not to experience discrimination of this kind but absolutely stand with any women who have. I’m expecting my first baby in a couple of weeks. If I have a girl, I’ll be teaching her the same values.

Best of luck OP, both at work and with your pregnancy.

fia101 Mon 13-Nov-17 11:52:53

Thanks squadronleader- good luck with your wee girl! I have girls and they will be stronger than me!

I worked in public sector when previously pregnant and I was lucky concerns about career and rights weren’t an issue I could carry on with my work and enjoy my pregnancy.

Last few years I’ve acted at work like I have no kids - no photos etc because I know it’s frowned upon but I also know the fact I have kids full stop is a mark against me.

I loved the public sector bubble I worked in!

Giraffey1 Mon 13-Nov-17 11:55:58

No. Say ... exvcting news for me, I'm pregnant!
Don't be apologising or say anything about causing her a problem. You've not got pregnant to spite her.
Don't let her rain on your parade!

Congratulations, by the way!

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