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DH doesn't want any more babies once he's over 30

(35 Posts)
BlueButTrue Thu 12-Oct-17 11:12:22

DH is 25 now, I myself 19.

I certainly don't want to pop out any more for a good 6/7 years.

I know I sound ridiculous, how could I possibly know for sure before even having DS? but I've suffered terribly with HG sickness throughout and my autoimmunity disease hasn't taken kindly to me being pregnant.

What's more, I'm being monitored every 48 for reduced/no movement and DS is being delivered at 37 weeks because of this.

I just can't bloody go through the hassle anymore.

Would it be better to have another DC in say 3 years instead of my planned 6/7?

DH doesn't want to have another one once he reaches 30. 30 still sounds so young to me but apparently it isn't to him.

In all honesty, I'm very comfortable sticking to one DC but he'd like one more and I'm comfortable to compromise.

I'm still so young, I don't want two children before I'm even 25 blush I want a healthy mixture of my career and family.

Children are bloody hard work. But is it really fair to leave DS as an only child?

I have PCOS and Endometriosis too, which may make TTC again quite a struggle. Maybe I won't even be able to once I hit 24+.

Sorry, this thread is probably deemed quite ridiculous since DS isn't here yet. I just wanted to get what I have to say out in the open, to someone I don't know personally.

My specialist obstetrician says she doesn't recommend 'just the one' and only children are lonely, apparently.

Perhaps DH will run to get the snip once he realises how dreadfully tired DS makes him? grin

2014newme Thu 12-Oct-17 11:13:41

You ate only 19, a teenager. Try to enjoy a life rather than already planning all this nonsense.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 12-Oct-17 11:14:37

My specialist obstetrician says she doesn't recommend 'just the one' and only children are lonely, apparently.

I think you need to change your ignorant obstetrician tbh.

BlueButTrue Thu 12-Oct-17 11:15:19

2014 All this 'nonsense' isn't coming out of nowhere.

I have a husband and a baby to boot. Family life is my reality now hmm

seven201 Thu 12-Oct-17 11:15:26

You really don't need to worry about this yet. Start thinking and discussing it with your DH in a couple of years. I don't think he realises how young 30 is. I had my first (and so far only) dd at 34 and that really isn't old!

BlueButTrue Thu 12-Oct-17 11:15:51

Piglet She's very old fashioned but seems very young herself.

I won't change her, as she's incredibly good about my care etc

BlueButTrue Thu 12-Oct-17 11:16:47

seven I agree, 30 isn't old!

Strange how he considers it to be, he should know better than I that it isn't - he's closer to it than me smile

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 12-Oct-17 11:19:13

Piglet She's very old fashioned but seems very young herself.

It isn't an 'old fashioned view' its a disgustingly ignorant one. One that no HCP should be voicing.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 12-Oct-17 11:23:07

In all honesty int those one is here I wouldn't stress about it. You have much more pressing concerns.

Ultimately if you aren't ready to try before he is 30 or do not fall pregnant before 30 it comes down to who wants what more. He may compromise. He may see how great DC1 is, realise he doesn't feel that old etc. You may decide you never want bother one. You may decide that you really want more and he doesn't and you may have to decide if it is something you would leave home over.

But in all honesty I don't think either of you can make a decision yet. Maybe agree to talk again on his 27th?

Also does he mean you have to have given birth before he is 3p? Which obviously shaves time off conception time.

Good look with your little one x

theaveragewife Thu 12-Oct-17 11:25:46

Your obstetrician is a twat.

Don't think about this now, your views will change so much over the next couple of years after having ds. Put it on the back-burner and enjoy what you have right now!

boredofmyoldname Thu 12-Oct-17 11:28:02

I had my first at 19, my second at 25 and I'm 30 now.

I wouldn't want to be having another now tbh as I just couldn't be arsed with the hassle again and I'd have preferred a smaller age gap as having 2 at completely different stages makes life a lot harder!

Each to their own though, you can't force him and he can't force you.

reallyanotherone Thu 12-Oct-17 11:28:43

My specialist obstetrician says she doesn't recommend 'just the one' and only children are lonely, apparently.

Agree with pp. that is completely outside her speciality, and not something she should be offering an opinion on.

Unless she’s also a child psychologist and has studied only vs. multiples extensively then she should stick to obstetrics.

In fact it’s highly unethical. She’s telling you to have more than one child because of her opinion on the happiness of said child. What if after this birth you can’t have any more, or it’s in the best interest of your own health not to have any more? Is she going to put you ds’s potential loneliness ahead of your health and encourage you to have more against clinical decisions?

I don’t care how good you think she is. It’s conflict of interest.

tocas Thu 12-Oct-17 11:30:45

Why is everyone hating on the obstetrician for saying she thinks only children are lonely? I've had friends who were without siblings who have told me the exact same thing - I think she is probably right?

tocas Thu 12-Oct-17 11:31:33

Cross post with reallyanotherone - ok fair enough

boredofmyoldname Thu 12-Oct-17 11:34:27

Tocas, it's an opinion not a fact.

The obstetrician shouldn't be"recommending" that on in a professional capacity.

Imagine you've been told that your child will be lonely if you don't have another, then something happens that leaves you unable to conceive. That could lead to a lot of unnecessary guilt and depression.

HappyLollipop Thu 12-Oct-17 11:36:28

Your still so young, I'm 25 and just had my first im not planning on having any more for a least another 3/4 years and most people aren't even having kids until they're in their 30's anyway. 30 isn't old what so ever I absolutely no idea what your husbands talking about! You really need to consider your health too, you've already had such a tough high risk pregnancy could you really go through that again but with a energetic toddler who's needs have to also be met? It'll be best to stick to your 7/8 years probably.

PigletWasPoohsFriend Thu 12-Oct-17 11:36:32

Why is everyone hating on the obstetrician for saying she thinks only children are lonely?

She shouldn't be giving out her own personal views for starters.

I've had friends who were without siblings who have told me the exact same thing

Having siblings doesn't mean you won't still be lonely!

Stringofpearls Thu 12-Oct-17 11:37:13

I was an only child and absolutely loved it, I certainly never felt lonely!

specialsubject Thu 12-Oct-17 11:44:56

you have the number of babies that YOU want, not to provide siblings.

At your ages 30 will seem incredibly old. Have this one and see how you go. There isn't exactly a rush!

Mamabear4180 Thu 12-Oct-17 11:48:25

Try not to think about years ahead at the moment. It's a bit unkind of your DH to talk about that now, it's not possible to know how he will feel at 30 yet. Don't feel pressured into number 2 before the time is right either. Enjoy your bub smile

BlueButTrue Thu 12-Oct-17 11:51:57

your ages 30 will seem incredibly old. Have this one and see how you go. There isn't exactly a rush!

No it doesn't. I wouldn't have minded having my first at 35 or something but my health and fertility wouldn't really allow for that.

DH on the other hand... I don't know why he thinks 30 is too old.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 12-Oct-17 11:52:18

Tocas because given her proffesiona position in relation to OP its unethical to influence her like this. Saying it over coffee to your friend or to DH- fine. Saying it to a first time mom who will trust her? Not ok

NikiBabe Thu 12-Oct-17 11:53:20

I had a sibling and was bloody lonely. Reason being she was a bitch and I couldn't ever have a nice time playing with her.

Jeez live your life and dont lose your shit over the next five years. Why have a child at 19 knowing you dont want another one for several years and have a massive age gap.

To be honest if you leave a massive age gap they will be completely poles apart. A 7yo and a 14yo have nothing in common and wont be playing together anyway.

SleepingStandingUp Thu 12-Oct-17 11:54:06

OP 30 sound so ok because he is 25. 40 sounds really old to me and I'm 35. Its all relative0

SleepingStandingUp Thu 12-Oct-17 11:56:31

Why have a child at 19 knowing you dont want another one for several years and have a massive age gap maybe she didn't didn'before she got pregnant? I always planned a small gap. Then DS got complicated. It changes your perspective.

And a 7 yo may cope far better with a new baby tan a 1 yo would. A 9 year old may enjoy playing with their 2 yo sibling far more than a 3 yo would. An 18 yo sibling may be far happier to hang out with their 11 yo and take them out places than a 12 yo sibling would.

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