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How to relax after miscarriages

(32 Posts)
Snuffle123 Sun 08-Oct-17 17:42:31

Hi there hoping someone can calm my nerves. I have had 4 miscarriages, 1 failed IVF and was just to start the process of egg donation, when I discovered I was pregnant. I am very excited and actually can't believe it but every twinge is making me a nervous wreck. Any words of advice x

loveacupoftea18 Sun 08-Oct-17 18:03:42

Congratulations! I can understand your feelings. I had a missed miscarriage in May and fell pregnant again in July. I have been terribly worried and anxious but someone said to me, you need to remember - different egg, different sperm, different baby. It sounds simple but it did reassure me a little bit - I’ve tried to think as positively as possible and that moment at our 12 week scan to see a wriggling baby was just amazing.

VVeverlasting Sun 08-Oct-17 18:12:40

Sorry I can't offer any real advice just my own experience. I was totally heartbroken after a miscarriage and found being pregnant after this really difficult. I didn't allow myself to bond with the baby and looking back I was actually in a bit of denial about being pregnant at the beginning. Once he was born I feel instantly in love and we have bonded so well... all my anxiety left me immediately after giving birth and I've never been happier. I never thought this day would come after 3 years of ttc.
Things that helped me:
Not talking about my pregnancy
Having 1 close friend who understood (and didn't ask any questions when i stopped drinking!)
Trying to carry on as normally as possible (obviously taking care of my health)
I wish you all the luck, it really is so hard. Xx

Snuffle123 Sun 08-Oct-17 22:25:54

Thank you so much ladies, you have made me feel so much better. I actually find the weeks go quick at work, but the weekends are dragging and I have too much time on my hands to overthink things. Your positive stories help xxx

PanannyPanoo Sun 08-Oct-17 22:32:58

I used to think "right now this minute I am pregnant, Today is a good day' .
Even when I lost pregnancies I knew that the little one had been loved and cherished and enjoyed which helped a very small amount. For the 2 babies I was lucky enough to keep I had a whole 9 months of good days!

hereagain99 Sun 08-Oct-17 22:57:51

I think I dealt better with my 2 miscarriages than my ectopic pregnancy. I said to myself that the miscarriages were not meant to be and the baby was not ready to develop and be born. However my ectopic was very hard. Not just because of the burst tube and the following operation but because the baby was growing even though it was in the wrong place.

I am 9 weeks pregnant now after my ectopic and it is being very hard at the moment. Anything makes me panic although I have to say that the EPU people are being amazing and they are always available to answer any questions if I give them a call.

Everyone deals with the situation in different ways and you just need to find what works for you. I really wish you all the luck and hope this pregnancy is successful for you.

Snuffle123 Mon 09-Oct-17 06:46:30

Glad to here some positive stories and I am praying for 9 months of happy days. hereagain99 wishing you 9 months of happy days too xxxx

CL1982 Mon 09-Oct-17 14:52:52

Hey OP - I had x3 early mcs. The best advice a doctor gave me was 'be as positive as possible'. Apparently it really helps. Are they giving you anything to support the pregnancy?

It's an anxious time and it never goes away. I'm 20 weeks tomorrow with the scan on Weds and still terrified.....

Snipples Mon 09-Oct-17 15:07:38

Hi OP - I've had two early losses and now pregnant again - I've got a 6 week scan this week to check for heartbeat.

I've found it massively helpful downloading the calm app and just focusing on positive thoughts and not making myself worse being anxious about things that might never happen.

It's definitely worth a try. Good luck ❤️

Snuffle123 Mon 09-Oct-17 15:27:27

Thank you so much, I am trying to be really positive and am not letting myself get stressed. Hearing from you lovely lot is really helping and I have everything crossed for us all. What was the app called? Xxx

Snuffle123 Mon 09-Oct-17 15:28:43

I am on clexane, aspirin and cyclogest. So chucking everything at it x

Snipples Mon 09-Oct-17 18:54:39

It's called Calm.

Yes get yourself on the vitamins. I am taking aspirin, selenium, zinc, vit c, b and d, folic acid and iron and it seems to have done the trick so far.

Snuffle123 Mon 09-Oct-17 19:13:30

Oh yes forgot the vits I am taking too. Thanks for that, I will give it a go. I started Reiki for relaxing before I got pregnant and dare not stop now, along with rubbing my belly and thinking positive gringrin

Cracklesfire Mon 09-Oct-17 21:50:37

I tried to think of it as a completely different pregnancy - we had a reassurance scan at 7 weeks and after that I bought something for the baby because I needed to really believe this LO would be born. I also had a mantra I'd repeat over and over to my belly - "my baby is strong, my baby is healthy, my baby will be here soon".

I'm pregnant again after another miscarriage last year and terrified of my 12 week scan tomorrow.

Hypnobirthing really helped later on and acupuncture in early pregnancy and again in third trimester was time for me to relax and focus.

CL1982 Mon 09-Oct-17 22:11:40

@Snuffle123 I was on that too smile Did the job for sure. Can you go for some early scans?

Snuffle123 Mon 09-Oct-17 23:17:41

@CL1982 they did offer me an 8 week scan but I had that on my last 3 and the miscarriages happened a couple of days later, so I am trying to hold out until 12 weeks if I can x

Snuffle123 Mon 09-Oct-17 23:18:41

@Cracklesfire wishing you all the luck in the world tomorrow xxxxx

Cracklesfire Tue 10-Oct-17 13:39:10

@Snuffle123 thank you. Everything was fine with baby but measuring small - think I might be 11 weeks rather than 12 so need to go back next week for them to date me properly.

I'm so relieved as I was really trying to hope for the best but mentally prepare myself for the worst. Have you seen a midwife yet? Do you think they might consider a reassurance scan given your history?

lookingforthecorkscrew Tue 10-Oct-17 14:55:02

I wish I knew how to relax. I’ve made a ‘miscarriage kit’ for my handbag because I’m so paranoid that this won’t work out.

Snuffle123 Tue 10-Oct-17 16:09:25

@Snuffle123 that is great news, so pleased for you. I am trying to hold out until 10 weeks to try and break the jinx, but every little twinge is making me nervous aaaargh!

Snuffle123 Tue 10-Oct-17 16:10:31

@lookingforthecorkscrew How many weeks are you? It is all real head messer isn't it?

lookingforthecorkscrew Tue 10-Oct-17 16:48:25

Only 4 weeks Snuffle... 😩

lookingforthecorkscrew Tue 10-Oct-17 16:55:55

The kit, btw, contains maxi pads, strong painkillers, spare pants and a card with v v simple instructions on what to do if I find myself miscarrying away from home. It sounds eerie, but it’s comforting to know it’s with me when I’m out and about.

Sarahh2014 Tue 10-Oct-17 17:00:11

Hi I'm so happy u got good news.. My pregnancy was v painful had twinges v early on then v strong period like pain pretty much all way thru my son was perfect and healthy but no explanation given as to why hence a v stressful time for me..was just told it normal sorry not much help really but wanted to try and reassure

Snuffle123 Tue 10-Oct-17 19:45:17

Thank you @Sarahh2014 that helps to know. Just need time to fast forward a couple of weeks⏱

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