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Where can I get some perspective on my son's birth 6 and a half years ago?

(14 Posts)
Ralphstar Thu 05-Oct-17 21:35:58

I am 34 weeks pregnant with my second child, six years after my first pregnancy and birth.
Without trying to sound overly dramatic, I had a 'traumatic' birth with my son and I still don't really understand what happened. I have tried to forget about the whole experience but with my second labour approaching I've been giving it too much thought! !
I have tried to talk to my midwife and consultant about the first labour but they understandably don't have time to go through every complication of the 22 hours before emergency c-section! Does anyone know where or who I could speak to about my labour? I am desperate to find out whether the fact I was induced, my son was back to back, etc had a measurable impact on the labour or whether it was something to do with the way I approached it.
I would be happy to pay for an experts time - I just need some confidence before I go into my second labour!
Thank you very very much!

han01uk Thu 05-Oct-17 21:41:37

My hospitals have a birth afterthoughts option. I'm not sure on the timescale of how long you can check them,but they should give you time to go over what actually happened. Alternatively ask your midwife or consultant for a additional appointment to go some of the questions you have. Really its in their own best interests to save you worrying about your next delivery.
I also had two very traumatic deliveries and wish I had done the birth afterthoughts following them,at around 6 months,so that I could put to bed what still goes round my head as to what actually happened.

han01uk Thu 05-Oct-17 21:42:26

*Most hospitals.... 🙄

AllTheWhoresOfMalta Thu 05-Oct-17 21:43:48

I can't offer a professional opinion but I will say that from everything I have gathered through having two labours and having friends with babies too, it seems that every Labour and every child and every woman is different. The combinations could go any way, depending on lots of factors. For what it's worth I've had two very different labours- night and day different. And I'm sure if I had a third child it would be different again. My induction was much worse than my non induction and my state of mind before and during both was quite different but didn't have much noticeable impact I don't think. The most you can do is go into it thinking that whatever happens happens, be open to all and any pain relief and to know that the doctors and midwives know what they're doing.

Shylo Thu 05-Oct-17 21:46:57

I was quite traumatised by my first birth and the HV arranged for the head of midwifery to come out and talk me through my notes and what happened. Although this was a few weeks after the birth I don't see why they wouldn't be able to do this years later - they must be able to access your notes.

However what I would say is im not sure it really gave me any concrete answers, she wasn't terribly specific, although it did make me feel more listened to than I had been - truth is they can't always tell why births end up the way they do.

In the end what really helped me get over my first birth was my second birth. The realisation that birth just happens and it's not a case of the mother succeeding or failing. I did nothing any differently the second time and it couldn't have been a more different experience

Good luck OP xx

sourpatchkid Thu 05-Oct-17 21:47:02

Love - what makes you think it was "something about the way you approached it" - what could you have done that would have ended in c section?

Inductions are hard, a back to back baby is harder - it sounds like you had a tough time

Flatbum Thu 05-Oct-17 21:53:40

Am i right in saying that you have access to all your own health records? Maybe his could be an option .. could you contact the records dept. At whatever hospital you gave birth at? And request your records/notes from your past birth? Not sure if this is correct and do-able though, and if it is 6+ yrs may be too long ago... but anyway I agree with the PP, OP. Every birth is different, just because your last was traumatic and difficult and such a nightmare it doesnt mean this one will be the same (could be much easier, fingers crossed) and could go smoothly for you both, and try and be relaxed about it (i know fuck off flatbum you relax, bitch) but really, the calmer you can be and better your state of mind is going in there and getting prepared for it, there better it will hopefully be for you. Take it all as it comes and roll with the punches. Giving birth is beyond a marathon i we all deserve a rally in our honour with umpteen unlimited bottles of fine wine and gorgeous chocolate ( or whatever is your poison lol) forever and ever until eternity😂 good luck OP. 💕

RaindropsAndSparkles Thu 05-Oct-17 22:02:48

I can say this my darling. DS1 was back to back. No contractions, just a sheer wall of pain an giggling midwives about my ineptitude at 1/4 cm and ha ha "how will you cope with proper Labour.

It all went pear shaped when D'S 1 stopped breathing and he was too far out to be pushed back for an ECS. The reg when he appeared was kind and helpful. The cord was being compressed and I had one push before episiotomy and forceps. I don't know how I did it but I did it on one last push, bursting a blood vessel in my eye. D'S was blue and took minutes to resuscitate - but was fine. There was sheer panic then and for 24 hours after. he took a first from Oxford this summer; not sure who was luckier: them, him or me.

Anyway when I was oh with dd I insisted on consultant care. My notes were very frank "lots of - I was told x today and and disagreed, need further evidence based info. I was quickly transferred to consultant led care. DD arrived at 41.5, managed induction where I refused syntocynon until epidural was in. Labour was fast and fab in the end. DD was born in two hours, bright pink and screaming.

It was very cathartic and helped me get over the first birth. We didn't realise how bad it was until then.

You are a strong, sentient, intelligent woman. Make sure they know it. Write to them formally about the first birth and insist on a debrief with the head of midwives and an obstetric consultant. That will put the wind up them and make sure you are properlyblooked after this time. They failed you last time and it's high time the people stopped being grateful for blood standards just because they are "free". And make the consultant call you Miss, Ms or Mrs Ralphstar. You are equal to him, her and any midwife. Don't let them treat you as their subordinate.

boopdoop Thu 05-Oct-17 22:44:40

Our local hospital offers "birth stories" which is where a senior midwife would meet with you and talk through your previous birth, go through notes etc, to help you process what happened. I'd contact your maternity ward and ask. Alternatively context the pals team based st your hospital. They might be able to help arrange this. Your midwife and consultant really should be also suggesting this, as a way to get support.

sourpatchkid Fri 06-Oct-17 18:02:50

I bloody love you @RaindropsAndSparkles !! Yes to everything Rain says!!

Changerofname987654321 Fri 06-Oct-17 18:12:11

I went for a ‘birth reflections’ meeting with senior obsetertian and matron of wives to discuss my birth experience. The dr made recommendations for future births.

Oscha Fri 06-Oct-17 18:33:24

I had counselling a few years ago with Lori Fitzgerald who specialises in birth trauma. She was oustranding-I don’t think I could have got pregnant again without her as I was so petrified of history repeating itself. She’s based in Leeds but I saw her via Skype.

LumpySpaceCow Fri 06-Oct-17 18:44:06

4 years after my first birth I had a debrief with a supervisor of midwives. It was extremely useful and I don't think I would have gotten pregnant again without it.
I planned a hb with first but received the opposite. Typical cascade of intervention - meconium - synto - continuous monitoring - back to back baby - failed epidural - episiotomy - ventouse - PPH. I felt like a failure, had PTSD and PND.
The debrief helped and with the midwife made me realise that my birth went the way it did, most probably due to the interventions I received and it was reassuring that practice had changed (and she explained what would happen if the situation had arisen at that point in time). When I did get pregnant, I had a comprehensive birth plan and all the senior midwives knew about me. As it happened, the baby was breech so I elected for a section (very positive and healing experience)! I'd speak to your midwife so she can refer you to someone senior.

Ralphstar Fri 06-Oct-17 20:23:06

I should have known I didn't need an expert when there's mumsnet! Thank you all so much for your thoughts, advice and reassurance!
You have really helped and I feel better about the labour already

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