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4 Months pregnant... Wondering if I am making a mistake.

(4 Posts)
FairyTail25 Thu 05-Oct-17 10:34:58

Hi there,

I am not sure if there is anyone out there who might be feeling the same way as me. But here it goes...

The moment I found out my partner of 3 and half years and I were expecting, I burst into tears not because of joy, more because we were not in a place to have a child. He already has two (5 and 6) with an ex and is currently struggling to pay CMS for both, so my first thought would be an abortion.

That weekend I went to see my eldest sister to talk to her about it, and she put things in perspective and I realized that this baby is meant to be, I was now given a purpose to live. In all honesty I was just living and not really for anything particular. My partner means the world to me and I love his kids.

At times I wanted a miscarriage, because going through an abortion would probably cause a rift between us, I know this sounds horrible, but I am a planner I need to know that we would be able to provide for our little one, as I never grew up with parents it's hard especially if you're struggling financially. Things got better, I saw my first scan and it felt real the worry left me and all I can think of is putting this little being before anything and anyone else.

Things have taken a turn now, the hopes of me becoming permanent with my secondment has taken a different turn. With the company that I work with I have a permanent role at another site, but made a career choice to go on a secondment, however they must have gotten wind that I was pregnant because they extended my contract to March and I go on MAT before it ends. It's sort of leaving me in limbo and I am worried about what could happen when I come back, would I go back to my old location or would the team I am seconded with take me back. These are questions I am trying to resolve before my MAT.

Then there is my partner, CMS base Child maintenance on income alone, and don't factor fixed expenses i.e. rent, loans etc, and he is struggling to pay them, its not like he doesn't want to provide for his children's, its the fact that he is working to just pay rent and travel, we try to see the kids as much as possible. He has reached out to his ex for help, and she sort of turned the other way. I am not a parent right now but my logic is that there has to be a compromise. This is just adding more to all my worries.

Then last night we notified our landlord we are expecting, we are trying to renew our contract for 1 bedroom flat and they did not look too happy, we do not have the money for a new flat as we would need to be able to put deposits down, rent and admin fees. This has now caused some more concerns because where we are I am 7min away from the hospital, 2min from my doctors is the perfect location and I can not go through all this worry.

Today I feel like I am making a mistake, my partner is so zen and I am the frantic one.

I don't know what to do, I don't really have family to help me out either.

Is there anyone out there who could just help me ease this stress?

HolyShmoly Thu 05-Oct-17 21:37:47

I don't really have any answers for you, but I didn't want to leave you without any response. Have you contacted citizens advice or the money advisory service? They may be able to help you plan the financial aspect.
With regards to your secondment, does your work have a policy on this that provides any information, or does it cover anything like that in the maternity policy?

Alexandra07 Thu 05-Oct-17 22:30:24

I am sorry that you are in this situation. Regarding the flat, could you ring the citizens advice and ask if you need actually to notify your landlord before you renew the contract or if he can deny renewing it on the basis you are pregnant? I understand he already knows, but I don't think he needs to know anything before the baby arrives. Then he has no option but to add the baby in the contract. Nothing changes before the baby arrives. Citizens advice will be able to help you.

Good luck and congratulations!

GlitterSparkles17 Fri 06-Oct-17 04:03:40

I may be wrong here but I’m sure when the father has a child living with him like in your situation where he’s going to have a new baby that his child maintenance payments will go down slightly, I’m not entirely sure how much but it may help you both without it being too harsh on his ex and his kids. Look into that, there’s a child maintainance calculator online. Also you will get Child benefit when your baby is born and you may get help with tax credits depending on your salary, all these things add up and will definitely help your situation.

Try not to stress and tell yourself it’s all going to be fine, your not going to end up homeless, you may struggle for a while but ultimately your going to be ok. Worry about your job when you go back to work, there’s no point worrying over it now as you will have up to a year of stress while being off work with your baby and that’s not good for anyone.

Is there any way your partner could reduce his loan payments down?

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