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My consultant really really wants me to have a section - I don't want to

(131 Posts)

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NoCapes Sat 23-Sep-17 11:51:56

I have a history of bad labours
My last one in particular was really really (really really) bad
So I'm high risk this time
My consultant is pushing me to have a c-section and keeps going on about how he really doesn't recommend I give birth, he wouldn't be comfortable it'd be very risky lalala, he even said to my partner at the last appointment as I was halfway out of the room 'please talk her into it'

So I probably am going to go ahead with a section if he feels that strongly about it
Trouble is I feel really weird about the whole thing

I have given birth 3 times without any pain relief or anything so going in for a section feels like a bit of a cop out this time
I absolutely don't judge people who have a section at all I honestly don't I know people just do what's right for them, I just worry that it's not right for me
I'm worried I won't feel like I'll be as close to this one as my others or have the same bond, I won't get that euphoric feeling you get when it's finally out and you get a sticky wet wriggly baby on your chest, someone will just announce that it's out and flash it to me over a sheet
It'll all just feel so detached

I have 2 boys and a girl already and after DD i had PND and I really really struggled to bond with her, and if I'm really honest with myself I still don't feel as close to her as I do the other two
I'm having a girl this time too so I'm already worried about not bonding and I'm so worried that not giving birth to her is just going to make that worse

Sorry I'm rambling a bit but I just feel so deflated
I want to give birth to my baby, not just have it removed sad

lemonnade Sat 23-Sep-17 12:03:08

They don't push c sections for no good reason, they tend to avoid them unless the mother is requesting one or there are very good medical reasons.

I would go with what you are being told is safest for you and your baby. You said it yourself the last one was 'really really really really bad'.

Twofishfingers Sat 23-Sep-17 12:04:41

first of all, your post really angers me. But I don't think anger is what you are looking for in a reaction.

A consultant cannot force you to have a c section. Nobody can force you to have a c section. You could give birth on your own in the middle of a field, it's not illegal.

It seems to me that you have some serious issues and that you should seek help, support, from mental health professionals.

Now for the anger bit: I hade two emergency c sections, and I have still given birth to my children. Nobody can try and tell me that I didn't give birth. I bonded very well with both my children, immediately, without any issues or sense of failure. The health, and indeed the life of my children was far, far more important than having the feeling somehow that giving birth vaginally was a badge of honour. It's not because you suffer during birth that your birth has somehow more value than other births. And c sections are not a cop out. They are life saving interventions.

DixieNormas Sat 23-Sep-17 12:10:50

In my experience they don't push you to have a section unless they feel you really need one. I've had 5 dc, 1 emcs and 1 elcs.

Believe me having a hip to hip scar and then an infection after the emcs didn't feel like a cop out to me

And when the spinal didn't work properly and they were pumping me full of drugs to try and control the pain while I also had g&a during the elcs didn't feel like a cop out either!

NoCapes Sat 23-Sep-17 12:11:26

fishfingers maybe read my post again
I never said that anybody who has a c section bonds with their child hmm I actually said the opposite, that I don't give a flying frig how other people give birth and that people do what's right for them, this is how I feel about me having a section, not you
And I don't think not being keen on having a c section warrants telling me I have serious mental health issues hmm but thanks!

Whatshouldmyusernamebe Sat 23-Sep-17 12:11:50

Goodness. I had to have 2 c sections. I really didn't want too. Your post has left me slightly speechless. I would have loved to have pushed my babies out. I really would.
sad

NoCapes Sat 23-Sep-17 12:12:46

Jesus Dixie that sounds awful, I thought I'd the spinal didn't work they'd knock you out to do the section?

Whatshouldmyusernamebe Sat 23-Sep-17 12:13:33

What I'm trying to say is loads of women don't feel a c section is right for them and they really don't want one. But it's not always optional. Maybe you will just have to have one.

DixieNormas Sat 23-Sep-17 12:14:04

And I was given the baby as soon as he was born after the elcs

Not with the emcs though as I was under a general which you may be at risk of if you decide on a vb when they feel you should have an elcs.

I didn't see him for 9 hours and then only for 15 minutes as he ended up in nicu and I was too ill from the section to be moved

CaptWentworth Sat 23-Sep-17 12:16:13

I had a 3 day induction, including syntocin, with gas and air which ended in an EMCS.

I definitely 'gave birth' to my baby.

DixieNormas Sat 23-Sep-17 12:16:32

I didn't want knocking out because the general emcs was so bloody awful , they said as long as my vitals were ok they'd carry on . Wasn't pleasant though

Obviously you could have a vb and every thing could be fine but I'd have a serious think about how you would feel if you ended up with a emcs under general or something

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 Sat 23-Sep-17 12:16:32

One natural birth here

Two cs

There was a risk that anither natural birth would leave me shitting in a bag for the rest of my natural life

But to answer your fear, cs has nothing to do with bonding and lack thereof

And they give you the baby asap and its still all wet and sticky and bloody and mank so you wont miss out on that one

Good luck smile

Blossomdeary Sat 23-Sep-17 12:17:02

Just be thankful that you live in an age when you can be offered a safe procedure to preserve your life an that of your child - stop looking a gift horse in the mouth.

It is "right for you" if it is the correct way to keep you both safe not for some airy-fairy personal reasons.

Just get a grip.

DixieNormas Sat 23-Sep-17 12:17:33

I even started bf while still being stitched up after the elcs

TableMirror Sat 23-Sep-17 12:18:58

Are you an experienced consultant obstetrician? If not, go with the highly trained and experienced medical expert.

That's always been my motto on medical decisions.

Ellapaella Sat 23-Sep-17 12:19:11

I've had 2 elective sections op - after a very difficult and traumatic vaginal delivery with my first son where I suffered a lot of trauma during delivery.
The sections were fine, actually quite a nice calm experience- no problems at all with the spinal and these days they get you up and walking about as soon as possible (usually within a few hours) afterwards. My scar is not very big at all and actually I had more problems with my episiotomy scar first time around than the section scar.
I still had the same europhic feeling as soon as the baby was lifted up for me to see - DH held him next to me while I was stitched up and it was perfect. The thing I did miss though was the fact I couldn't hold either of them straight away as I was shaking so much from the anaesthetic so DH had to hold them for me to feed etc. That was just a personal side effect for me though - don't think that happens to everyone.
It's a different experience for sure but it was very reassuring to know it was all going to turn out well. Do you have to make your mind up now or could you talk it through some more with the midwife?

TheDeafeningClatterofDuplo Sat 23-Sep-17 12:21:02

OP, have you had the chance to talk to anyone (midwife, consultant?) about why the other labours were so bad? What are the risks this time - something new, or something you already experienced? Is there another way to mitigate them?

That may be a good starting point. You mention not having had pain relief, so that may also be something to discuss - even entonox can make a difference.

If the c-section is inevitable, perhaps talk about ways to help with the bonding e.g. skin-to-skin immediately and other support you might need. Hope you find a good solution!

MyDcAreMarvel Sat 23-Sep-17 12:21:55

If you want a significantly higher chance of your baby being born healthy and alive have a section . If you would rather have the " birth experience " then ignore the consultants advice.

DeloresJaneUmbridge Sat 23-Sep-17 12:21:56

OP, you're probably going to get flamed here but as an ex MW I "get" you. Feelings are funny old things and sometimes here's no rhyme or reason for why we feel as we do.

I can promise you that I bonded well with my baby when he was born by Caesarean section.

I think as it's been so strongly recommended I'd be following that advice BUT why not make a birth plan anyway. Hopefully you will have a spinal so you'll be conscious. Ask to hold your baby straight away...even if it's fleeting while they weigh and measure etc. Think about what clothes you want him/her to wear, how you want to feed and when. I fed my son within an hour of him being born and had him cuddled in bed with me for ages afterwards. It was a lovely special time after his birth.

What about your other children, can they come in and see the new baby immediately....what would you like to happen about that?

All those things had any more you can think of.

Not sure if your difficult births affected you or your babies in labour but I am guessing a bit of both given the reluctance of the consultant to suggest a vaginal birth.

Hope it goes well, these are all anxious feelings you're expressing but I think if you plan then you can be as involved as possible in the birth of your baby. And it is a birth....he/she is just leaving via the roof instead of the front door. You've still nourished and grown him/her for the last nine months.

sourpatchkid Sat 23-Sep-17 12:24:18

Sorry but your logic makes no sense and I say this with kindness because you HAVE to challenge it

So you know a c section is actually giving birth? You know it doesn't impact bonding? You don't judge it and it's right for people (especially when there is a risk issue)?

But you only believe these things for other people? Why are the rules different for you? Again with kindness give me an actual logical answer because if you can't then your thinking is illogical and thus not helpful.

I had a c section, I adored my son from his first cry - literally as he was being cut from my stomach (and actually I'd felt nothing for him in pregnancy - so that love was instant as he entered the world) We have always had a bond.

I'm going to be really harsh here but I feel you might need it. If your pregnancy is that high risk, without a c section either you or the baby may die in this natural labour that you want. It's gonna be a whole hell of a lot harder to bond if one of you is dead.

Don't let your thoughts put the two of you at risk. You will either bond with this baby or you won't. It makes no difference if the baby comes out of your stomach or your vagina.

NikiBabe Sat 23-Sep-17 12:31:59

Dont then.

This time have a really really really really really really bad one.

Enjoy.

NoCapes Sat 23-Sep-17 12:32:08

Thankyou so much for the lovely reassuring posts
I was fully expecting the flaming and people reading things incorrectly so I'm glad there are some sensible posters being nice

My problems giving birth are mostly affecting me, and my womb is in a bit of a state, I actually ended up in surgery for 3 hours after my last baby was born and that time away from him was awful, by the time I got back he'd been dressed and fed and I wasn't there, so a good point Dixie about if I end up having an emergency section and itd be even longer away from the baby (you're an absolute warrior btw choosing not to be put to sleep!)
I also didn't know the baby could be put straight on you rufus that makes me feel much better, I think I'll have to go through some of the finer details with my midwife as clearly I'm not too sure how it works

Delores thankyou so much for that, tbh I wasn't sure how much choice and involvement in those little details I would get with a section, in my head it's an operation and has an operation 'feel' and the surgeons and doctors will be talking to each other and just concentrating and you're kind of not involved in the whole process
Again I think I need a more detailed chat with someone about how it actually happens don't I

This has actually made me feel a bit better already smile

NoCapes Sat 23-Sep-17 12:33:58

sourpatch it's not logical I know
Anxious thoughts and feelings are very rarely logical

Rufustherenegadereindeer1 Sat 23-Sep-17 12:35:15

nocapes

They cut the cord, popped her on the scales and then on to me

I was attempting to crwal off the table to get to her mind grin

Just confirm that you want the baby as soon as possible and that should be fine

2014newme Sat 23-Sep-17 12:35:42

Fuck right off with your 'cop out 'comment.

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