Negativity over New Pregnancy(20 Posts)
A bit of real mum advice needed!
I'm 14 weeks pg and not long told friends and colleagues - positive response at first of course, but over the past week I've had a lot of negative comments, such as 'how are you going to afford this?!'
'Good luck not getting any sleep' and how our lives are basically going to ruined for the first few months after the baby is born.
I get that people want to be honest and I don't for a second think that this will be easy, but we're so happy to be pg and I really just want to enjoy this preparation time rather than stressing and worrying.
Should I say something if it continues?
People are horrible and they make comments like that just for things to say. I have a 6 month old son and he is the best thing ever.
Yes you will be tired and yes you won't be going out like you used to but you won't want to anymore. Your whole perspective changes.
Ignore all the mean people and focus on what is important.
Congratulations on your pregnancy, such an exciting time! 💐
I would say get used to those kinds of comments as you will be getting them for the rest of your pregnancy. I don't know what it is that makes people want to tell you horror stories of their terrible labours, their non sleeping babies, their ruined social lives etc but unfortunately it happens.
I just smile and say 'yep got all that to look forward to' and ignore them, it was easier.
Just be safe in the knowledge that not all labours are awful, some babies are great sleepers and your life is far from over.
I'm having twins and whilst everyone's excited at the novelty of it at least half of them have said something like "you'll be exhausted" or even "I wouldn't want that"
I'm just ignoring it. We have no children so we'd feel like we'd been hit by a truck regardless of whether it was a singleton or triplets, I suspect!
Pregnancy appears to give everyone freedom of speech about your life. Next time I'd call them out on it, ask them how your finances aren't their concern and nor is your sleep or lack of sleep. Either that or turn it around and ask them why they're focusing on the negatives.
What slightly irritates me is that I'm not going into it expecting it to be easy. I'm sure we'll cope but I'm not going to pretend that I'm not anxious about it. There's this horrible tendency for people to wax lyrical about how horrendous it is and how tired you'll be and how they never slept/still don't sleep and then they go "oh but it's all worth it" at the end. Great, thanks
My dad reminds people whenever they say something that you're never prepared for a baby no matter what you think. And that they always cost more than you expect. Tends to shut them up.
My own personal response to people is to tell them how much I'm hating the pregnancy. The comment soon turn to move ones
I have been tempted to say "The truth is that I'm absolutely petrified because everyone keeps telling me how awful it's going to be" but I'm not and I don't want people to think I am - I'd only really be saying it to try to shame the jeff out of them.
People always feel the need to comment when someone is pregnant. I try not too bite but it can be very hard. Tell them to mind there own business. It's your life
It is SO annoying that people just want to say negative things when you're pregnant. I ended up having a grump and just wanting to hide away because I got so sick of it. Try to harden yourself and ignore them (difficult!)
Just nod and smile! Soon half the people will be telling you how huge you are and are you sure you aren't having twins, whilst he other half will be saying how small you are and are you eating properly.
It's started again this afternoon, I actually went to the toilet crying. Silly I know - might just be hormones.
One person compared having a child to a bomb going off in your living room the other said they had to drive around for 3 hours in the middle of the night to get their child to sleep for a bit - is this true?! Not sure I can do that, I hate driving at night.
I know ignoring is the best thing, but I just want to say shhhhh!
I always hear of someone who knows someone who had to drive around for 100 hours to get their babies to sleep. Never actually met anyone that has done it though!
Ignore them. People love to wind up pregnant women, it's like a weird hobby.
HanMum No driving around in the night here! What a stupid thing for that person to say. There were a few wakeful periods to start off with, but for me that was more because of feeding and changing etc, which happens quite regularly. After the first few nights, when they just want to be held, you get into a groove of things that work for your baby and they're not too hard to resettle. I found that the people who made the biggest 'ooh, good luck!' fuss were the ones that still drive their child around for naps at the age of two. Obviously in the beginning a baby will be tricky, but after a while they just crave whatever they're used to (our great grandparents didn't have cars to drive them around in and they managed!) You'll be fine! People are idiots.
I find a good answer is "well it's a bit late now to change my mind!" Usually shuts them up
I was put off motherhood for a long time because of negative comments both from people I know and the media. However, I'm now 36 weeks so can't really go back. Don't listen to them, of course it will be hard, but anything worth doing is.
It is hard, and i miss the way things were before we had kids, but its also one of the best things ive ever done! Just say i dont want to hear bad things, i’m looking forward to it!
You do what works for you when the baby is born. I dont know anyone who has had to drive their baby around in the middle of the night to get it to sleep. Even if they did, i doubt it was very often. You will love it, i promise. My advice would be dont try and do too much, especially when the baby is a newborn. Spend the time the baby is sleeping to have some food, have a bath, watch your favourite tv show. Obviously you will need to do some washing/ housework but dont worry about having an immaculate house.
Enjoy watching them grow and develop, its amazing how much they learn and change!
Congratulations and good luck 😊
(Sorry if that was a bit waffly lol)
Ah ha! Welcome to motherhood-I see you have encountered your first experience with the 'just you wait brigade'
Much like the slummy mummy, the yummy mummy, the attachment parent, the breastapo, the just you wait brigade are arguably the most irritating of all the parenting stereotypes
Sometimes you'll have tough nights, and you'll be fine. Sometimes your living room will be untidy, it will be fine. It all passes, and balanced against the marvel of having your children these things are insignificant!
It's all going to be fine-smile and nod!
Just ignore them. I had the same sort of things from colleagues of mine, along the lines of I will never sleep again, never get to go out nice places, how much it will cost, how it will be endless pooping, sick and crying
I will admit, when DD was born the first two weeks were horrible - not really knowing what you are doing, recovering from the birth and it’s a total shock to the system to suddenly have a little baby that completely relies on you no matter how prepared you think you are!
However, she is now four months and it’s much better and my colleagues were wrong - we get sleep as she sleeps through the night and has done from six weeks, she isn’t a sicky baby, we have only had two “poonamis”, we go our quite a lot with her and she is fine
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.