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Sister in law hates me - anyone else experienced this?

(54 Posts)
Harriet21 Thu 21-Sep-17 12:26:21

My siter in law (husbands brothers wife) absolute hates me and will do anything to get one over on me and after what she has just done I dont think I ever be able to get over it. For years now she's done little passive aggressive things whenever im around like telling my husbands niece to call me 'harriet' rather than auntie like all his other 5 brother's girfriends/wives get called. Anyway I planned my mother in laws birthday recently inviting close family round for a get together with some buffet food and a nice cake, it was a surprise so Mother in law had no idea. The day of the get togther rolls around and no one turns up at the proposed time. So i ring around my other sister in laws... turns out the sister in law that hates me told all the family coming that we were having a surprise birthday meal instead at some fancy restaurant (everyone assumed i knew) so everybody was there and im sat at home with a huge buffet and a fancy cake and no one to eat it all. I honestly couldnt get over how she let me plan it all and buy everything (even suggesting certain foods to buy!!) knowing no one would turn up. My husband is fuming and as a result he has had a massive falling out with his brother, mother in law still doesnt know about my surprise get together because honestly im too embarrased to tell her whats gone on because im well aware of how childish it is, for gods sake we are all supposed to be adults and this sort of behaviour is happening. Im obviously going to have to see her at some point because we are related and my kids normally see their cousin once a week at least so will be questioning why they dont see her anymore. I just dont think i can get over this, has anyone got any advice or been in a similar situation?

GreenTulips Thu 21-Sep-17 12:29:09

It's not your MIL fault! You need to explain it to her properly. She'll have wondered why you weren't at the meal anyway and this will make sense.

Let your husband deal with his brother and in turn him his wife.

Yes she rude and you won't change her!

I take it the others know what happened?

2014newme Thu 21-Sep-17 12:31:40

Did you invite people to the buffet? Or was it left to sil to tell them? Did anyone rsvp?

Ploppie4 Thu 21-Sep-17 12:34:39

Yes did you invite everyone to the Buffett?

Ploppie4 Thu 21-Sep-17 12:35:38

I would embarrass her by letting all the whole family know what she's done.

Harriet21 Thu 21-Sep-17 12:35:54

Yeah people were invited, I did it in a group chat on facebook. She then created another group chat announcing the change of plans ( obviously i wasnt in this chat). Because it was mainly family i didnt send out formal inviations as ive done get togethers before for my husband and children. The whole reason i took it upon myself to do this for my mother in law is because shes recently divorced and thought she needed cheering up. I feel like ive let my mother in law down terribly but by telling her the truth im worried ill cause a big heap of drama.

2014newme Thu 21-Sep-17 12:36:45

I would tell mil. Sil is a total bitch that is horrendous I would be nc with her

Expectingbsbunumber2 Thu 21-Sep-17 12:38:07

I would trlll your mother in law! What a spiteful thing to do.

femfemlicious Thu 21-Sep-17 12:38:53

That's really awful. Please tell your mil about it so unfair!

fuzzywuzzy Thu 21-Sep-17 12:41:02

OP you won't heap drama on your mil your sil has done that.

Invite her round for a cuppa exaplon what happened matter of dactyl and tell her you had to tell her so she doesn't think you purposely missed her birthday. You were sitting around with a huge bigger waiting for her and family to turn up.

I'd absolutely go bc with sil and blank her when I see her. Such a horrible thing to do

fuzzywuzzy Thu 21-Sep-17 12:42:04

Apologies for typos feeding baby

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut Thu 21-Sep-17 12:42:48

Surely mil would have noticed you weren't at the birthday meal?

What have the other family members who did know said? And what did this woman (who is not your sil, she's your husband's sil) say? How could she possibly defend her actions?

This is incredible.

Notonthestairs Thu 21-Sep-17 12:44:46

Why does MIL think you missed her birthday meal?
Have you seen the messages SIL sent round? What do they say? Why did none of the other 4/5 siblings mention your proposed then supposedly cancelled lunch?

If SIL has deliberately orchestrated this then yes she horrendous and your MIL deserves to know.

Harriet21 Thu 21-Sep-17 12:49:23

This all happened Sunday. I called mother in law the next to apologise (was too upset to call on sunday, i probably would of exploded) and i know i shouldnt but i gave her a bullshit excuse about being called into work, i did this because like i said i was mortified at what happened. I know i need to tell her the truth but i know if i do she will absolutely rip my sister in law to shreds i dont want to be the cause for the family being at war. I probably sound ridiculous because shes been a right cow to me but its an awkward position to be in.

Harriet21 Thu 21-Sep-17 12:50:41

From speaking to my other sister in law it was made clear in the chat that i knew about that change of plans.

Movablefeast Thu 21-Sep-17 12:50:45

OP you may want to ask to have this moved over to Relationships for more traffic.

2014newme Thu 21-Sep-17 12:51:18

Tell mil the truth

weemouse Thu 21-Sep-17 12:53:02

Your SIL has done this as you are (in the kindest way) a walkover.
You've already let her win by apologizing to your MIL with some made up work excuse.

You need to call MIL, or better, see her face to face with DH, and explain the truth, and that you are done with her.

Come on OP, grow a pair and sort this out.

2014newme Thu 21-Sep-17 12:55:33

Ppl is right. You have not challenged sil on her crap behaviour and you lied to mil to protect sil. Dont be a doormat!

GinsanityBeckons Thu 21-Sep-17 12:57:26

i dont want to be the cause for the family being at war

But you won't be - your husband's SIL brought this on all of you, the colossal bitch. You and your husband together should talk to your MIL, explaining factually (and showing the messages/group if needs be) and let MIL tear her a new one. She won't stop behaving like this until it causes her issues.

Allthebestnamesareused Thu 21-Sep-17 12:59:18

Send a message to all the others invited and say _ Thanks fort no-one turning up without letting me know you weren't coming. I was left with a huge buffet at our expense and no-one came!

Knittedfairy Thu 21-Sep-17 12:59:23

If this is for real it has to be one of the most unpleasant things I've read. I'm so sorry OP. I hope you get through it.

darceybussell Thu 21-Sep-17 13:00:12

Totally do not understand why you would make up a bullshit work excuse, and make yourself look like a dick to your mother in law, when none of this is your fault!

Is it at all possible that this was a mix up and she didn't do it on purpose?

TheMerryWidow1 Thu 21-Sep-17 13:01:09

this is just awful, you know you have to say something otherwise your SIL is going to keep doing this. Why haven't the rest of the family said something? Or even better why hasn't your husband told his Mum. If you don't stop his now you'll have years of it and she will just bring you down and down. She has a sick sense of humour! You don't deserve this.

Scrowy Thu 21-Sep-17 13:03:55

What was SIL playing at. Surely this is just going to spectacularly backfire on her. She cannot possibly come out if this looking good!?

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