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Deciding whether to find out the sex

(39 Posts)
roguenation Thu 21-Sep-17 07:02:07

Hi Everyone!

I was just wondering whether you could all share some stories on why (if you did) you found out the sex of your baby (or if you didn't), then how come?

My husband and I are in two minds whether we want to know and thought finding out more from you lovely people would help us make up our minds 😊

JoJoSM2 Thu 21-Sep-17 07:05:25

No personal experience. However, I'm sure I'd want to know to help me decorate the nursery appropriately, buy clothes, narrow down name options and generally get my head around the whole idea.

Callamia Thu 21-Sep-17 07:14:50

It didn't matter to us what the babies were, so we opted for a surprise.

Little boy/girl clothes in sickly pink and blue really aren't my thing, so I didn't care about colour coding the babies before they were even born.
I also didn't feel like I needed to know. I loved them anyway.

It was a really nice part of the birth to find out who the baby was. Both times, I was able to see first, and it was a nice moment for me and my husband to name the baby together.

Hunkle Thu 21-Sep-17 07:18:09

I waited. I bought red, yellow,,white, green & blue clothing/bedding.

When the nurses tell you, whats just arrived its an amazing feeling.

I was convinced I was having a boy until they put DD on my chest!

Dustywillow Thu 21-Sep-17 07:21:24

Didn't find out with first and won't be with no 2 . I think it's nice to find out on the day makes it even more special. And I don't mind if it's a boy/girl aslong as it's healthy. I prefer neutral colours for babies anyway so the whole blue and pink thing doesn't bother me x

reetgood Thu 21-Sep-17 07:25:17

I wanted to find out. I'm the kind of person who seeks out spoilers so I can relax and enjoy the story ;) . I also found it helpful to know the sex in relating to baby as future little person. I think if you're undecided though, maybe don't worry about finding out? Partner and I were pretty clear we wanted to know.

reetgood Thu 21-Sep-17 07:27:04

Oh and we'd both a little bit set our hearts on a girl, so I'm glad we've had time to get our heads round it being a little boy.

tocas Thu 21-Sep-17 07:27:06

No personal experience but I reckon I'd like the surprise! Adults don't get many true surprises in life

MyOtherProfile Thu 21-Sep-17 07:33:16

We found out both times. I just wanted to know. We sorted names well before birth and I enjoyed thinking about what we were having. We also painted the nursery blue but actually it's my favourite colour so I would have painted it blue even if we had been having a girl.
I don't feel lile it made birth any less special. Having a baby is such a shock anyway and nothing really prepares you for the reality so I'm not sure the extra surprise of gender makes muxh difference.

Merida83 Thu 21-Sep-17 07:34:31

We found out at private 16 week scan and confirmed it was accurate at 20 weeks.

We were desperate to know (I say we I mean I dh wasn't too bothered).

I wanted to know so we could have a name chosen (boy was easy but girl we struggled with so the longer we had to decide the better).

I also wanted to be able to decorate nursery in boy or girl colours and same when it comes to buying clothes etc.

Also for us having her named made it feel more real (I know how daft that sounds). And it made me feel closer to her to call her by her name while talking to the bump.

Teamkhaleesi Thu 21-Sep-17 07:34:57

Our first was a surprise - my husband really wanted a surprise and it was important to him so I agreed not to find out. We bought loads of gender neutral clothes - there’s some lovely stuff in the shops. When we found out it was lovely but I still wanted to find out with my second (I’m very impatient). We’ve had 4 scans in total this time and all have confirmed girl. It’s been really useful to know as we thought it might be another boy and we could use all our baby boy clothes but we’ve now given them to a friend who’s just has a boy and in return been given loads of baby girl hand me downs. In that way it’s practical but it’s also nice that we get to re use the gender neutral stuff! Whatever you decide, the moment you find out is amazing

PastysPrincess Thu 21-Sep-17 07:41:26

I wanted to find out because I wanted to know everything I could about my baby. I wasn't bothered about getting the right stuff and planning the nursery.

EmmaGrundyForPM Thu 21-Sep-17 07:42:50

I asked about 3 weeks before ds was born. He was born at 35 weeks so I guess at 32 weeks. The hospital I was in at the 18 week scan had a policy of not telling parents, so we didn't have a choice but I probably wouldn't have asked at that stage anyway. However we moved house to a different city at 20 weeks, transferred to amother hospital and I was admitted at 24 weeks because of complications. I was then scanned every days whilst on the ward.

I became very depressed after a few weeks in hospital and really regretted becoming pregnant. I was in a strange city, didn't know anyone, this was before social media and even mobile phones or email so I couldn't keep in touch with anyone. I eventually asked the sex in the hope that I would feel better about it and also it seemed ridiculous to me that the scan operators knew what sex he was and I didn't.

It really helped knowing. I went from feeling angry at this "thing" that had invaded my body and caused my hospitalisation to imagining a plump bouncing boy with dark curly hair (he turned out to be scrawny and auburn haired! ). We were able to choose a name and I felt much happier about everything.

BelafonteRavenclaw Thu 21-Sep-17 07:46:49

We waited with DS1 and one of my fondest memories was my DH shouting 'it's a boy!'.
We decided to find out with DS2. I thought it would help me when it comes to picking a name and prepare DS1. In reality it didn't and IMHO I think a little bit of the magic was lost. If we have DC3 I'd wait to find out.

Paddybare Thu 21-Sep-17 07:50:52

In my mind, it’s one of life’s best surprises so we didn’t find out with either DD. I loved the build up, the speculation, the what ifs, not knowing what name they would have until the day, my DH being able to tell me what we’d have in the delivery room. Magical.

HailLapin Thu 21-Sep-17 07:51:53

With my first two I didn't find out and did like the surprise. I lost my third half way through pregnancy due to a medical condition so with the 4th we decided to find out , it's been a difficult pregnancy due to several tests and added stress so actually knowing our baby's sex has been a lovely thing to know and we don't regret finding out.

It makes no difference wrt prep and bonding but it's been something positive to hold onto during stressful times.

I'm sure you'll make the right choice for you op and many congratulations to yousmile

user1496587010 Thu 21-Sep-17 07:54:21

Did find out for first, didn't for second. Not knowing was actually more fun. And made things different to first time around. Congratulations on your pregnancy smile

reetgood Thu 21-Sep-17 07:56:02

It's my first so I am reckoning on being surprised enough that I birthed a human :D . I have been really taken aback at how gendered infant clothing is though. If that's an issue for you maybe don't find out so you can enjoy neutrals! If there's no desire to find out, I wouldn't. I'm just not that way out smile

user1499786242 Thu 21-Sep-17 09:05:01

Do you have a preference ?
If not then leave it a surprise!
But if you do then it's good to have time to get your head around whatever the sex is!

AnUtterIdiot Thu 21-Sep-17 09:16:31

I wanted to find out. I like a surprise if it's a genuine surprise (e.g. someone suddenly turning up and telling me some unexpected good news or doing something lovely that I had no idea would happen) but surprises where the surprise is knowing you can find something out now but have chosen to do it later don't really do it for me. So finding out I was pregnant was fab (we were TTC but I think it's always a surprise) and finding out it was twins was amazing. Personally I would just have been irritated at not finding something out as soon as the knowledge was available, if you see what I mean. It's helped me to relate to them as tiny little people, too, although to be fair we didn't know the gender of one twin for a few weeks and that didn't stop me from relating to them!

But I do understand that for other people waiting makes the birth even more special and I don't think there's really a right answer. I'm just glad that the ghastly AIBU woman who always pops up to say that people who don't find out are "classier" than people who do isn't here...

roguenation Thu 21-Sep-17 11:15:30

Thanks everyone!
I'd love to know as I genuinely think it's the only surprise adults truest get in life BUT I am a very organised person and think it would be good to get everything sorted, plus it's a long time to wait 😜

cakesandphotos Thu 21-Sep-17 11:49:41

We're not finding out. I agree that there are very few genuine surprises these days but it could be argued that it's a surprise whenever you find out. I'm really enjoying buying neutral clothes and talking about boys names and girls names. For us it's just making it more exciting smile

Allthecarsarelonely Thu 21-Sep-17 12:15:33

We did not find out with either of our DC. It just felt right to wait. Do you have a gut feeling one way or the other about what you want to do?

However, in the long term it really does not matter one way or the other. Finding out your baby's sex 20 weeks earlier or later will not affect how much you love them or your life together. This feels really important now but once the baby is here you will not care when you found out.

WineAndTiramisu Thu 21-Sep-17 12:30:58

I'm far too impatient, we're having the harmony test at 10 weeks, so will actually find out the sex pretty early...
I'm not a fan of surprises, and DP didn't mind either way

Scattymere Thu 21-Sep-17 16:11:10

Totally agree with BelafonteRavenclaw. Didn't find out with DS1. I had a feeling it was a boy throughout, very "boy bump" etc ( + to be honest always longed that bit more for a boy first) and going through labour knowing not only was I going to meet my baby, but get the most exciting surprise at the end was just magical. I always say for all- try and keep DC1 a surprise, its lovely. The midwives love it too as pretty rare it seems now, so everyone is just more excited!

With DC2, thought it would be fun to have a different experience so we found out- a girl- and although really lovely to hear this in no way did it make me bond anymore with baby/bump throughout pregnancy.

The whole "getting organised/buying stuff in pink or blue" is just a bit OTT and really means - I'm bored and just want an excuse to go mad in the shops . Babies look gorgeous in all white + there's online shopping - most with next day delivery- so you can quickly order a load of blue/pink stuff in after giving birth anyway. I think we might go for a 3rd at some point, if we do I hope I can wait to find out again, as more magical somehow.

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