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I cannot lose this baby!!!

(47 Posts)
Monkeysox7 Wed 23-Aug-17 02:39:17

Hi everyone this is my first post here. I have been trying to conceive for 3 years am am now 8 weeks pregnant? . I started to bleed on Sunday evening some light spotting. I went to EPU on Monday and had a trans vaginal scan. The sonographer could see the sac and a tiny fetus 2mm so it means I am either less than I thought and am only 6wks pg or the fetus stopped developing at 6 weeks. I have to wait 7 days for another scan. Since the scan the bleeding has gotten heavier with clots. I don't know if I'm imagining it but my boobs didn't hurt this morning like every day. I am trying to remain positive but I'm truly terrified of this whole thing. I'm 44 and a first time mummy and have been deliriously happy for 3 weeks. Now I just want to hibernate and isolate. I'm reaching out here for advice and support to try to keep from listening to my own worries. thanks for listening x

Sasmac2017 Wed 23-Aug-17 03:00:45

Hi monkey sox. I'm so sorry you are experiencing this awful anxious time. At the scan were they able to see a heartbeat? I am thinking of you. I know it is so so hard, but keep positive and try and carry on as normal until your next appt. xxxx

stillvicarinatutu Wed 23-Aug-17 03:01:33

oh love im so sorry - it must be so stressful. im 45 and ttc and losing all hope month on month.

i lost one last year at 44 due to abnormality. its so hard. al you can do is rest and hope - there is nothing you can do to alter the outcome - maybe surrendering to that will help process it.

i will keep everything crossed for you xxx

AnneGrommit Wed 23-Aug-17 03:08:39

I'm so sorry you're going through this. Can you ask for a scan again sooner than seven days given that your symptoms have changed ie heavier bleeding etc? I certainly did that although it was a while ago. Lots of gentle thoughts.

AnneGrommit Wed 23-Aug-17 03:14:44

Oh yes and do rest if you can. I lost babies early on in pregnancy but when I went on bedrest that didn't happen. My GP even signed me off work getting crotchier each time ("It makes no difference blah blah blah but I'll action it because you're stressed otherwise and that's a health issue plus it can't make things worse" etc) and maybe it's a coincidence but three times ...?

Monkeysox7 Wed 23-Aug-17 11:21:19

Hi Sasmac, thank you for thinking of me. There was no detectable heartbeat so I'm really hoping I'm earlier than I thought. I will try to remain positive though. Thank you so much xx

Monkeysox7 Wed 23-Aug-17 11:44:06

Hi stillvicarinatutu, when you panic you forget the simplest things. I cannot change the outcome. When I read that I let out a sigh. I really needed to hear that, I didn't realise at all how much I was subliminally trying to control this.
I'm so sorry to hear about your loss, it's so heartbreaking and I know that feeling every month when Af comes. the disappointment becomes crushing. I wish you lots positive and healing energy. Thanks so much xx

stillvicarinatutu Wed 23-Aug-17 12:36:20

how are you today monkeysox? i hope you are managing to relax as much as possible

peachgreen Wed 23-Aug-17 13:47:50

Oh monkeysox, I'm so sorry you're going through this. I TTCed for quite a long time too and then lost the baby at 11.5 weeks. It was horrendous and felt so cruel given how long we'd been trying. It took us a little while afterwards but nowhere near as long and I'm now 18 weeks.

I really hope you're not losing the baby but if you do, I hope that you'll find it easier to conceive a second time. I was terrified I'd be cursed with recurrent miscarriages as well as struggling to conceive but it hasn't been the case.

Thinking of you.

Monkeysox7 Wed 23-Aug-17 18:46:55

Hi AnneGrommit. I could probably ask for another scan but I'm not sure I could cope with not getting a heart beat again. It's the longest 7 days ever but at least if I wait there's more chance of them detecting it. I'm not very good with patience though. I was replying these messages earlier and was going cross eyed I was so tired so I slept from about 11:40 till 4:30 pm and I'm staying in bed now so plenty of rest. I'm exhausted. I'm sorry to hear you went through so much loss and happy you finally found a solution ( although you had to become your own doctor ) Thank you for your kind words xx

Monkeysox7 Wed 23-Aug-17 18:52:47

I'm much more relaxed today Stillvicarinatutu thanks to all you incredible ladies sharing your experiences with me and being so caring. Thank you xx

Monkeysox7 Wed 23-Aug-17 19:11:17

Hi Peachgreen, wow congratulations! This baby must be so precious, you are a warrior and your post has shown me that if I get the worst possible news I can not only survive it but could potentially get pregnant again. It's such a sensitive subject and I'm so grateful that you shared your story with me. I was literally thinking I can't survive losing this baby when I made this post, I now see how not alone I am and how many women suffer loss. I wish you good health and happiness with this pregnancy xx

daydreamnation Wed 23-Aug-17 19:15:33

Monkey, I really feel for you flowers You're a total stranger but I hope so much all is ok!
In your shoes I think I'd do nothing but rest, is this possible for you?

Monkeysox7 Wed 23-Aug-17 20:01:46

Thank you daydreamnation. I can rest today but tomorrow I have an appointment. I will rest as much as I can. It's really comforting to have all this care and support thank you so much xx

daydreamnation Wed 23-Aug-17 21:09:45

Good luck tomorrow! Hope the bleeding has stopped? It's hard not to worry and I can totally understand how desperate you must feel.

peachgreen Wed 23-Aug-17 21:21:41

We're all here for you OP, so many of us have been where you are. I wouldn't have got through my miscarriage without the lovely women on the miscarriage board. Let us know how you get on!

DancesWithOtters Wed 23-Aug-17 21:25:51

Good luck flowers

LittleWingSoul Wed 23-Aug-17 21:38:06

You aren't alone in your experience but that doesn't devalue how difficult it must be. flowers and hoping for the best outcome for you in 7 days

Sasmac2017 Wed 23-Aug-17 22:11:57

Hi monkey sox, just checking in to see how you are. It could be that you conceived later than you thought so no heartbeat yet. Still thinking of you. You're doing very well and being very brave xx

Monkeysox7 Thu 24-Aug-17 00:39:09

Thank you. I'm still bleeding but hope it stops tomorrow. Fingers crossed xx

Monkeysox7 Thu 24-Aug-17 00:41:52

Thank you peaches I will keep you all updated xx

Monkeysox7 Thu 24-Aug-17 00:42:34

Thank you danceswithotters xx

Monkeysox7 Thu 24-Aug-17 00:49:46

Thank you littlewingsoul. Surely this collective good energy is recharging me. I am really feeling held by you all. I have very lose friends but I can't bear to discuss all this with them. They know but I'm hiding myself from them. Don't really know why. I find this support more helpful. Thank you little wing soul xx

Monkeysox7 Thu 24-Aug-17 00:58:36

Hi Sasmac I have moments of terror then I push them away but mostly I'm ok. I'm almost halfway through the week. I've just gotta be patient. I really hope I conceived later. I really do. Thank you for your kindness xx

sophiejayne96 Thu 24-Aug-17 10:43:02

Have you had your appointment yet? Please update us on your progress. I'm keeping everything crossed for you! Easier said than done but just try to relax.. (get some ice cream or chocolate or something to treat yourself to) xxxxx

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