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Get updates on how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy by signing up to the Mumsnet Pregnancy Newsletters.

Pregnancy

touching my stomach!

40 replies

MarmiteAndPB · 22/08/2017 14:06

I was at a party on Saturday and a couple of relatives who I hadn't yet seen since the pregnancy announcement greeted me with a hand pressed flat against my stomach.

I felt a little bit weird about it at the time but didn't think too much on it, but since then I just keep getting more and more worked up in my head about it! It's a weird thing to do, right? I've never felt the need (or desire!) to touch pregnant people's stomachs.

I'm not even showing yet, so it's not like there's a huge bump and a chance to feel some kicks. I know that this is likely to keep happening and I should prepare myself, but it's just so strange. And a bit creepy?

OP posts:

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SayNoToCarrots · 22/08/2017 14:11

People love doing that. Its like your body becomes public property now there is a baby in it. My FiL likes to accompany his groping with "now you look after my grandchild" as if I was planning to get drunk and trampoline before he mentioned it.

MarmiteAndPB · 22/08/2017 14:29

Ugh. I can just picture that. There was something a bit patronising? paternalistic? about it at the party. Not sure how to articulate it, but a similar vibe.

OP posts:

Expectingbsbunumber2 · 22/08/2017 14:33

I don't like it either. People always seem to ask me first lol

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 22/08/2017 14:35

My FIL did it to my bump once. So I patted his beer-gut. Never did it again

AlltheGinJoints · 22/08/2017 15:01

I had this Marmite, a woman I only vaguely knew saw fit to press her hand against my bump whilst I was talking to her. It felt really weird and creepy and as I was only about four months there was nothing to feel anyway. I think I grimaced and put up with the intrusion at the time but 20 years later I still remember and really wish I'd told her to fuck right off with her groping.
Very different later in the pregnancy when you invite someone to feel the baby kicking or they actually have the manners to ask first of course.

Dede124 · 22/08/2017 15:54

Urghhh don't get me started it's so strange and invading. I can't get my head around why people think it's ok! It makes me cringe so much and shiver all over. Iv told most people I don't like it now so they don't do it, and trust me the bigger you get the more people will do it and the more it will irritate you. My mum lifted my top up yesterday to feel and show my grandma and it really freaked me out but I didn't say anything because she would get upset. Your not alone!x

ForumUsername · 22/08/2017 16:07

I'm only 18 weeks but my MIL keeps trying to pull my top up to look at how 'our' bump is growing

I keep muttering under my breath MY bump, my DH heard me yesterday and nearly choked laughing
To be fair it is her first and she's very excited but come on boundaries!

My own mum has been touching and feeling my stomach every time I see her (about once a month) since I told her at 5 weeks
I was doing dishes and she came up behind me for a proper feel said 'hmmm' and walked away 😂

My boss asked to touch my tummy when he noticed I started showing, I was just said no
Fecking weird

Think I'd freak if someone I barely know just touched without any warning
Very not ok

MarmiteAndPB · 22/08/2017 16:10

At least this was relatives - even weirder with strangers/acquaintances!

And that's even worse, Dede! I didn't imagine it could be more invasive!

I guess it's one of those things, people will always find ways to be weird. Glad not to be the only one creeped out by it, and feeling a lot better for being able to rant and get it off my chest Thanks!

OP posts:

MarmiteAndPB · 22/08/2017 16:15

Ugh forum that sounds awful! From both mothers

Ours is the first of this generation as well, but both DM and MIL have been very normal about it from that point of view. And your boss sounds incredibly unprofessional!

I guess people show their excitement in different ways. I'm starting to be thankful that it was all over the clothes groping at the weekend!

OP posts:

redexpat · 22/08/2017 16:45

I found a swift fuck off and slapping the hang away did the trick. Dhs best mate suggested (when we had found out we were having a boy) that I tell people that they were touching a small boy.

SheSaidHeSaid · 22/08/2017 19:06

My MIL does this despite me saying I don't like it and backing away. If I touched her belly she would probably just laugh.

I Don't have a bump either, I'm 11+5 now but she's been doing it ever since we told her.

I'm planning on buying a 'don't touch the bump' t shirt and wearing it whenever I see her.

Carolwithane · 22/08/2017 20:59

I squeezed a women at works tit - after removing her hand from my stomach twice. I told her I thought we were at that stage in our relationship i.e. inappropriate touching!

mummabubs · 22/08/2017 23:21

I had similar experiences to forum in the first 20 weeks of pregnancy- no bump at all but MiL kept touching my stomach without asking and lifting up my clothing- once in public and another time when I hadn't done my trousers up (couldn't due to bloat) so my FiL got a lovely view of my lady parts through my see through knickers... I was mortified. I know it was done out of excitement on her part but I hate being touched, really resented that suddenly my body wasn't my own apparently. I also think the fact that my own mother wouldn't dream of touching me without asking first and learning that MiL never did this with her own daughter during either of her pregnancies made me more sensitive it. I'm now 33 weeks and I thought I'd sussed my issue by wearing passive aggressive slogan nighties (including "hands off the bump") when staying at theirs but turns out DH had words with her. In any event I'm just very grateful I'm not being molested anymore!! 🙈😁

ethelfleda · 22/08/2017 23:24

This makes me shudder. I told so many people near the beginning to not touch me and luckily they listened. I said that when he starts kicking they can feel it!
Just one girl at work attempted a quick pat. It was all over very quickly so I didn't say anything. She doesn't work there any more.

Expectingbsbunumber2 · 23/08/2017 08:06

Does anyone else's bump feel really hard then feel soft?

noeffingidea · 23/08/2017 12:27

This is quite a new thing, isn't it? Nobody ever did this to me when I was pregnant, and I've never done it to anyone else.
I probably would have told them to fuck off, tbh (well, maybe not my mum or MIL) . I'm a private person and don't like being touched a lot. As it happens I didn't really like making a big thing out of being pregnant anyway. I loved my second pregnancy when I didn't really show and most people didn't know.

SayNoToCarrots · 23/08/2017 14:44

If it's a new thing why is that mostly people in their fifties and sixties do it? No one my age would dream of touching me without asking.

eddiemairswife · 23/08/2017 14:56

Nobody did it when I was pregnant. I think it's a part of the touchy, weepy, post-Diana world we now inhabit.

Mustang27 · 23/08/2017 14:59

Oh yeah I'm weird about my personal space though. I always thought it was a loving gesture though. They don't mean any harm just brush it off. Honestly once ppl start calling you HUGE on a regular basis the stomach patting will seem less of a grievance lol.

Bobbiepin · 23/08/2017 15:03

MIL likes to hold my bump whilst shouting at it. Every time she does it she says "I know you don't like this but I can't help myself".

We've had to put a stop to her calling the baby "my baby". It is not your baby!!

SheSaidHeSaid · 23/08/2017 15:07

I know you don't like this but I can't help myself"

I thought my MIL took the micky but this wins.

Jenkicksass · 23/08/2017 15:17

I feel your pain. My husband's ex-GF and mother of his son saw fit to rub all over my bump at about 24 weeks the first time she saw me with no warning and I felt completely violated. So much so that I batted her hand off and stepped backwards sharply with a look of horror on my face. She got the message. It's just absurd how people think it's ok to touch you without asking just because you're pregnant!!

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AhhhhThatsBass · 23/08/2017 16:03

I was in a restaurant and a waitress did it to ym stomack. I'd have been about 7 months pregnant. I was a bit taken aback, but usually I find people do it because they are excited for you, nothing more sinister than that.

I've been out with pregnant friends a few time and if they remark that they felt a kick, I have occasionally asked if I can have a feel. I always caveat it by telling them I won't be remotely offended if they say no. And they never have. For me it's about feeling the baby kick. Is that really so terrible?

bumblingmum · 23/08/2017 16:15

Yes its weird. Someone I vaguely know did it to me when I was facing the other way talking to someone else entirely. There was no warning and it I scared the living daylights out of me. Just weird and intrusive

magratvonlipwig · 23/08/2017 17:56

I hated it. Also hated people calling me mum......

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