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Raising boys and girls (is there a difference)(19 Posts)
First time pregnancy.
I'm one of 4 girls - and would love to have a little girl.
Having a boy would be wonderful but I guess it's just fear of the unknown - in that I think I would prefer a DD (don't hate me)
Can anyone offer insights into what it's like raising both?
Are boys really slugs and snails and puppy dog tails
I only have one DD but I would say from friends' experiences that it's very much down to the child's personality and the parents' behaviour around this.
You can get very active boisterous girls.
You can get very calm and peaceful boys.
I don't subscribe to the view that all boys are like dogs and just need feeding and exercise (which I have seen on here quite a lot).
All toddlers need a good run around and all toddlers need love and an emotional outlet.
My girl is a drama queen, and very independent she has spent more time in a&e than both my boys combined.
Each child is different - I have two girls and one boy. My boy is quiet and studious and very well behaved. My girls are more boisterous and noisy, they are all obsessed with computers and Pokemon or minecraft.
You parent the child according to their needs, and your ability. Their sex is important because it will define how society treats them, public expectations and you will have your own gender based expectations but it is not as defining as their personality, which is pretty clear from babyhood onwards.
They can pee standing up. That's about it. I have a football-hating yet car-obsessed son who loves swimming, playing with my old My Little Ponies, putting his jewellery in my old childhood jewellery box (with tinkly music and a revolving ballerina), hugs kisses and outpourings of love. He also likes riding his bike and running around with his friends (of either sex) shouting with glee. He hates colouring in but loves any craft that includes sellotape - he is obsessed with sellotape. His favourite tv shows are Spongebob Squarepants, Paw Patrol (aka the Hounds of Beelzebub) and Shimmer & Shine (about 2 female genies).
He is a mix of everything.
Each child is an individual. I have one of each.
Of course, the rest of the society will try its hardest to slot your children nicely in suitable pink and blue boxes, so if you do not agree with this, you have some work to do.
Example, my toddler DD looks like a boy. When at some soft play or park, people treat her like a boy. When thye say something about my son and I mention that she's actually a girl, the attitude changes significantly. Suddenly they tell their own children to be careful with the little girl, gently now..
They had no concerns a minute ago when she was supposedly a boy, but now she's a delicate snowflake.
I think it's completely naïve to suggest that there is no difference in raising boys and girls.
For a start, the stereotyping they are bombarded with from day one is very different, and needs combatting in very different ways.
And I think we need to think very careful about the sort of men and women we hope we will have in the future, and think about our parenting in that light.
1 ds and 2 dds here, youngest now 9.
The personality overrides the gender every time.
One thing that you just don't get until you have kids yourself is how they come with a personality. How much of who they are is part of them when they are born.
Of course we influence them, but it is amazing to see their character, their likes and dislikes, their wonderful talents coming to life.
The boy/girl thing is just one small part of that. At times mine have conformed to stereotypes. ds was fascinated by wheels, and was very physical (needed to get outside every day) He also loved his twirly dress that he asked for in his dress up box, and was very sensitive and emotional.
Try not to batter over the head with a bag of Haribo the idiots who spout such crap as 'oh no, miniconyo wouldn't like dancing cos he's a boy' within earshot of 4yo miniconyo who then parroted the crap <looking at you Sil>
He is 5yo and the sexist pink/blue shite has just started to creep in. Over some bs abput 'only girls have long hair' (apart from his best friend Ilona, his own mother and his Nana ) we looked at photos of Thor with long hair!
My two year old ds fits nicely into the 'boy' stereotype. His answer to everything is 'but I'm a BOY!!' He will only wear clothes which have some sort of mode of transport on them. He is noisy and incredibly physical. I feel like I spend my life running after him and trying to stop him from killing himself. His response to kisses is 'yuck, that's horrible!' He is also immensely affectionate, incredibly funny and the love of my life! Raising him at the moment is also very simple - much like having a puppy, I just feed him, exercise him, hose him down and put him to bed! Even though I come from a family dominated by girls, I now can't imagine anything different!
I think parents of boys will tell you that they need lots of exercise and firm handling "like a puppy"
I brought up four girls the same way and they are all amazing
All children need unconditional love, support, lots of food, lots of fresh air and exercise and to be read to. Listen to them and talk to them. You can't go far wrong with that, boy or girl.
I haven't found any significant differences between activity levels required by DD or DS.
Of course, once they have been praised for a few years for sitting quietly (DD) and running around (DS), i would expect that there might be differences.
It's so much more about personality than gender. The only real difference between having a baby boy and having a baby girl is the wee fountain!
The difference is that you will have different societal expectations to contend with.
So if you have a boisterous, physical girl they will be judged more negatively than if you had a boisterous, physical boy. By some people, not all but some.
If you have a shy, uncoordinated boy they will be judged more negatively than if they were a shy, uncoordinated girl. Again only by some.
Also there are probably different concerns once you get to teenage years - again because of societal and peer expectations rather than their innate personalities though
Can't say from experience yet as I have DD who is 6 and I'm 30 weeks pregnant with DS, I'm so excited to meet him. My DD is fiercely independent, boisterous, fun-loving but also a bit of a drama queen too. She's also very excited to have a brother too.
I'm pregnant and would also prefer a girl. I'm a nanny and all the families I've nannies for have had boy(s) and girl(s) and I've always found the girls easier. I don't know if that's because the boys have always been older and at school and the girls younger so I've spent more time with the girls. I think girls are easier as children but more challenging than boys when they hit teenage years
I have one boy and two girls who are all adults now and in the grand scheme of things, there is not that much difference. They all like computer games and sci-fi and are useless round the house (although the girls like to think they aren't)
The only major difference is my son would quite happily let you do anything for him that he is quite able to do himself
I have one of each. They are completely differently, but there is no way of knowing whether that is down to personality, gender or a mix of both.
'I'm pregnant and would also prefer a girl. I'm a nanny and all the families I've nannies for have had boy(s) and girl(s) and I've always found the girls easier.'
Cakes not in this house! Dd is by far the more emotionally complicated and can be very hard work. ds pretty much just gets on with things, no drama.
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