Talk

Advanced search

Pregnant? See how your baby develops, your body changes, and what you can expect during each week of your pregnancy with the Mumsnet Pregnancy Calendar.

Unplanned pregnancy

(14 Posts)
MyaeD Thu 06-Jul-17 23:16:56

I'm just looking for some support. I'm 4.5 weeks pregnant and it was unplanned. I've only been with the guy for 2 months and I'm kicking myself for not being more careful but here I am. I'm over the initial shock now and seriously weighing up my options. I've been pretty much set on a termination because I don't feel ready and it's too soon but today I've felt totally different and completely swaying the other way of wanting to keep my baby. Does anyone have any advice or been in this situation and had regrets about their decision. I'm 33 and this would be my 1st baby. Please please don't reply if you are going to be judging or labelling me as cruel for considering a termination because this situation is difficult enough without having additional guilt put on.
Thank you x

jpclarke Thu 06-Jul-17 23:23:04

At 33, do you feel strong enough and in a position to be able to have this baby without the support of the Dad? I have a friend who is 34, she had a termination when she was 20 and has been trying for a baby for 4 years now and nothing has happened. I don't know if it's linked but I think you know what is right for you.
I wouldn't be running to terminate just because it's a new relationship. This might bring ye closer together. Best of luck with whatever you decide.

Stevieo Thu 06-Jul-17 23:26:47

Im mid twenties and have had both, I don't regret the termination but now I have had my ds, I often wonder what could have been. I also would not have a termination again.

hopeandpeace Thu 06-Jul-17 23:35:52

I got pregnant from a one night stand, not even a new relationship. I didn't plan to get pregnant but it has been the best thing that's ever happened to me. Me and my son are very close and he is very happy. It is hard being on my own but it really changed my life for the better.my family didn't speak to me for a long time but nothing matters apart from your baby. Now he is older we are incredibly close and have a brilliant life together just the two of us.

Dairymilkmuncher Fri 07-Jul-17 00:05:52

I also got pregnant from a one night stand at twenty but have ended up with the dad and had another couple kids, happy life etc.

I'm not completely against terminations,but if you want to be a mum, you could mange on your own and you're pregnant at 33 I'd have the baby instead of putting it off till the time is right.

MyaeD Fri 07-Jul-17 12:56:59

Thank you for your replies. It does help to read your advice smile xx

Dede124 Fri 07-Jul-17 13:16:46

We were only together for 4 months when I fell pregnant... it can work but it can also be a bit challenging at times as the relationship is still new and your still getting to know each other. I'm 26 weeks now and we have moved in together it's all moved really fast but we're happy. How does he feel about it all? @MyaeD x

MissB83 Fri 07-Jul-17 14:38:32

Hello, I am so in sympathy with your situation, in almost exactly the same boat (except we were in a relationship for one month! but I am exactly the same age as you). I also feel for you because I had a previous termination when I was 23, and I know I could never do it again, plus I really wanted a baby when this happened (it was an accident but I was overjoyed). Am about 5wks. I wish you all the luck in the world, look around and see what your support network is like as it will matter (even if the man isn't going to be around), and also what your finances and practical situation is like, but have some faith in yourself and your own strength too. Ignore anyone's judgment - it's your life and no one else can assess your situation - and go with the outcome that's right for you. Having now been pregnant twice in two different situations, I knew from day one the last time that I was terrified and my gut told me that I couldn't keep the pregnancy. This time, I was so happy from day one, and my gut told me that, whatever the challenges, I was going to carry on and wanted to keep it. Listen to what your gut is telling you. Good luck x

MissB83 Fri 07-Jul-17 14:39:29

Oh and I also meant to say feel free to drop me a message if you want to chat anything out x

BrollyDolly Fri 07-Jul-17 15:10:55

Hi OP. I was in a similar situation seeing a guy for about a month. He made it clear he didn't want another child and I had been to the doctors and even the hospital regarding a termination. The more I thought about it the more I decided I couldn't go through with it. Mainly because I was worried I'd never get the chance again. Also I'm 27 and in a financially good place with own home so made that side of things easy.
I think whatever your situation you should consider if you'd regret it more to terminate than to keep. I felt I would always regret it if I didn't. I'm now 37 weeks. Good luck x

BringMeTea123 Fri 07-Jul-17 15:27:59

@MyaeD I was with my partner for 3 months before I found out I was pregnant.

I was 23 and he was 22. I was really worried about telling him as we hadn't been together very long and didn't know how he would take it. We discussed it (and now I have my little boy it feels me with dread to say) that had he said I don't think we can do it and go through with it, then I'd have had a termination myself. However we talked about it and I now have an 8 month old baby boy. It's been the best decision of my entire life!!! Only you can decide what to do. Is baby father around or not? X

Jessybear90 Sat 08-Jul-17 10:23:06

Hi OP no one should be judging you on your decision, it's not their place!

You should do what you feel is best for you and for your baby.

I was recently faced with potentially having to terminate my wanted and planned pregnancy due to health reasons and that broke my heart over and over again so for me personally I wouldn't have had a choice in he matter so for that reason I would never terminate a healthy baby.

But like I said everyone is different and your choice must be yours and yours alone. I understand if you want to discuss with the father but he also needs to respect that the decision is untimately yours to make.

I'm sure that whatever you decide will be the best option for you so just trust yourself and your instincts and that will be the right choice and sod what everyone else thinks. flowers

MyaeD Sat 08-Jul-17 11:22:47

Thank you so much for all your supportive replies. I've been doing a lot of thinking and feel a lot more settled now. It's hard but I trust myself to make the right choice. It's so scary even at 33 with much life experience so I can't imagine how those who are in this position at a very young age.
Thank you all again, much love x

Oysterbabe Sat 08-Jul-17 11:39:26

It's difficult to advise on the info we have as there are so many factors to consider, such as whether you have support around you, whether it would be a massive stretch financially.

I think if it were me at 33 and definitely wanting children one day I'd continue with the pregnancy. But I'd be doing so with the knowledge that in all likelihood I'd be doing it as a lone parent. It's too early in your relationship for you to be able to count on his support.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: