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Girlfriend of 8 months pregnant.

(9 Posts)
time4takeoff Thu 06-Jul-17 19:07:18

Hi all,

I am after some advice on what to do.

I have been with my girlfriend for the past 8 months we don't live together but see each other every weekend. We live 2 hours drive away from each other. I work full time as an engineer and live in a house share and she works as a live in au pair looking after 2 children working long hours.

When we first started sleeping with each other she told me that she isn't on the pill because it makes her depressed so I wore a condom when having sex until only a month ago I stopped and she said it is better without.

A few days ago she told me she hasn't had a period for 7 weeks so I asked her to do a pregnancy test. The result came up as pregnant...

I now have a mixture of feeling I feel like an idiot for not wearing a condom and feel guilty for now putting her in the situation we are now in. We are both 30 and have talked about having kids for some time but didn't plan to have one right now as we don't live together and don't have a property to live in with a baby yet + finances are quite tight.

Ever since she has found out that she is pregnant she has been distant with me I feel like she is angry at me but isn't telling me. She keeps saying now isn't the time to have a baby and she is scarred which I understand. She said she would be heartbroken if she had an abortion and would be heartbroken if our daughter/son asked for something and we had to say no because we couldn't afford it.

I've told her we can work things out and take one thing at a time and I'll be there for her.

She is from Romania and I am worried that she will move back there to live with her mum with our child. The only family she has here is her sister who lives in the same property as me.BTW I am British.

Aside from the occasional arguments we have everything had been great up until a few days ago. We have a holiday booked to Italy in a couple of weeks time for a couple of weeks now that is in jeopardy.

I love her to bits and care about her and she knows that. I want to find a house and to live with her but I have in the back of my head she may run away she keeps telling me I will do everything by myself. I will look after my child by myself which is heartbreaking for me to hear because she is making it sound like she doesn't want me to be involved.

What should I do?

booellesmum Thu 06-Jul-17 19:13:04

She wants you to step up.
Tell her you are happy and will love them both and make it work.
If people didn't have kids until the perfect time with regards to money/ house etc most kids would never be born.
Love and security for a child is far more important than material goods.

ExplodedCloud Thu 06-Jul-17 19:16:26

I wonder if she's hoping for a proposal.

Underthemoonlight Thu 06-Jul-17 19:16:43

Why are you not surprised she's pregnant when you openly used no protection?

booellesmum Thu 06-Jul-17 19:17:08

Also, why is the holiday in jeopardy?
If you love each other just go away together and enjoy the time with each other before this baby arrives.
You are not kids - you are 30 and have dated for 8 months and sound like you have a great relationship.
This is it - time to commit and embrace parenthood.

AdalindSchade Thu 06-Jul-17 19:19:48

Well you are an idiot! Why did you stop using contraception? Why do people do this?
You might get lucky and it might work out or you might not. There is a significant chance she will go back to Romania before the baby is even born or soon after. If she has family at home that would be sensible.
Not sure what advice we can give you really.

ijustwannadance Thu 06-Jul-17 19:23:52

You are an idiot and she clearly wanted to get pregnant when she told you to stop using condoms.

revolution909 Thu 06-Jul-17 19:32:33

I got pregnant 1 full year after I started dating my DH. That was more than 7 years ago. life has smiled at us and we're doing fine! Just so you know, I was studying an MA and he was studying his PhD. I'm a foreigner (not even an EU) national so things were tough. He's a head of department at a university and I have a very decent professional job. We own a house, go on holidays, etc..life is good smile

SafeToCross Thu 06-Jul-17 19:32:33

Reassure her that you love her and want to be with her. She may need some space, but equally she may push you away because she thinks you will go anyway. Take responsibility. Make sure she knows thst if she decides to have an abortion you will help her, and if she decides to have the baby you want to co-parent. Talk to your family yourself.

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