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SOICAL services rang nervous

(63 Posts)
user1496701154 Fri 30-Jun-17 15:31:18

Me and my other half both have anxiety and depression now am 31 weeks pregnant and social services have rang me I am so.nervous. I have a past of physical abuse although I have not seen that person in years. They want to.come for a home visit does anyone know what this initials. I am looking forward to becoming a mam and so is my partner to become a dad. I love my little girl so much already.

rubyfeet Fri 30-Jun-17 18:02:22

Sounds horrid- bloody nosy pigs.

I have no idea what it entails, but I do know of someone who had experience with social services.

I would make sure your house is very tidy and all hoovered and clean etc. I know this can be used against you- sorry I don't want to worry you. I wouldn't admit to having any depressed thoughts etc. Just focus on the positive.

rubyfeet Fri 30-Jun-17 18:04:52

I think they will be looking at your relationship with your partner and will obviously be considering if your depression will put your child in danger.

I guess to be fair ( I do have a negative view of social services) they do have a responsibility here). I am reminded of that woman from Bristol who left the hospital with her baby and killed both herself and baby.

Extremely sad!

sunnywithadashofgin Fri 30-Jun-17 18:04:55

Have they told you why you have been referred or who has referred you?

Graceflorrick Fri 30-Jun-17 18:05:13

Services are overstretched, I doubt they are coming because they're 'nosey pigs' as suggested by the posted above. How ridiculous.

twattymctwatterson Fri 30-Jun-17 18:07:38

You will have been referred - possibly as a result of your depression depending on the severity

AddictedToDrPepper Fri 30-Jun-17 18:08:16

Please please don't worry OP!! I've had ss involvement, they are absolutely lovely. Wonderfully supportive, give great advice and will only stick around for as long as it takes them to see that you're in a good place mentally, good relationship with your DP and don't need help with anything.

SS have a really bad rep, however they don't come in and tear apart families. They do everything they can to keep them together and it is only ever a last resort when they remove children from their home. They likely just want to check that you're ok, you don't need help with anything and then get out your hair. I'm currently 5 1/2months pregnant myself and they done a check up on me after my midwife informed them I was pregnant
(as she's legally required to do since I've had previous involvement with them when my mental health was really bad). They came out, had a chat, said they were satisfied that I didn't need a case open and got out my hair flowers

OurMiracle1106 Fri 30-Jun-17 18:09:52

They have a legal duty of care. They will be doing an assessment as your child will be classed as "a child in need" which means they recognise you may need extra support due to your anxiety and will want to check that you have support networks in place.

So long as no major concerns are raised (a lot of People suffer with anxiety and or depression) they are likely to refer you on to either a community family worker as part of a children's centre or check in with you from time to time and time eventually discharge you.

SuburbanRhonda Fri 30-Jun-17 18:19:02

They will be doing an assessment as your child will be classed as "a child in need"

Not true. Someone will have made a referral for them to feel they need to come and see you. They'll gather information and then decide what to do next.

Your unborn baby will only be designated a "child in need" if they feel you reach the threshold for that level of support.

Be open and honest with them. Have someone with you for support when they come - your partner would be the best person. If you lie to them about your previous issues or show the kind of hostility @rubyfeet is suggesting you'll only make things worse and may miss out on being helped and supported.

rubyfeet Fri 30-Jun-17 18:33:43

I didn't say be hostile- I said make your house super tidy and be careful what you say- things will be recorded and can be used against you- that's all. I also posted another post underneath if you bothered to read.

I have a friend who had a very bad experience with social workers and she was very vulnerable at the time- they used a lot of things against her. Dog hairs on the carpet that the hoover wouldn't pick up- suggested getting on her hands and knees to do it.

I'm saying be careful, cautious- that is all.

Awful things do happen.

At the same time so does this:

And, yes that is why they do need to check.

rubyfeet Fri 30-Jun-17 18:36:53

And I really do wish you the best of luck - I am sure in most cases that social services are supportive.

I guess the risk with depression is that if post natal depression strikes it can be very severe indeed.

StealthPolarBear Fri 30-Jun-17 18:38:40

Have you met your health visitor yet? Can she support you?

MaisyPops Fri 30-Jun-17 18:43:22

It could form part of an early help assessment, sort of like "this is a family who might benefit from some support. Let's see how they are".

We've put them in for some families at school where parents have said they feel they need a bit of extra help. We've also known them go in place where there's a history of mental illness. The logic being it's much better for everyone to support parents to be the best parents they can be and give them help if they need rather than have to go down the safeguaridng or child protection route later

I wouldn't worry.

StealthPolarBear Fri 30-Jun-17 18:44:35

Are you sure it's not your antenatal appointment with your health visitor

user1496701154 Fri 30-Jun-17 18:45:03

No haven't met health visitor yet wasn't informed by midwife I'd been referred. I love this child so much and will be a good mam and know this It's just very frustrating. We have stuff prepared for our little girl. The house is clean and tidy but big as we've been trying to move from a 3 bedroom flat up four flights of stairs to a two bedroom house

rubyfeet Fri 30-Jun-17 18:52:28

You sound like you will convince them. You've certainly convinced me- they will want to see that you have a healthy relationship and may want to see what other support you have. A tidy house is certainly a good sign- it shows you are coping with your depression.

Obviously them how much you are looking forward to being a Mum without exaggerating- of course!

Being yourself is important. You don't want to seem like you are hiding anything.


user1496701154 Fri 30-Jun-17 19:33:57

Thanks for the response everyone. Yeah we have a strong relationship been together 7 years.and thanks rubyfeet 😌

HarriboHarribo Fri 30-Jun-17 19:45:12

I haven't had a call from social services themselves but I have been contacted via post regarding a health visitor coming for a home visit. Apparently this is normal procedure for all parents now? I was thinking it was only for first time mums but I know that my sister in law had jome visits with her second. (Having had no imvolvement or cause for concern with the first). I think they just like to check that a baby is going to be well looked after. And they can also assist with other things as well like post natal depression or any other problems that are common with pregnancy and birth. :D

PotteringAlong Fri 30-Jun-17 19:48:14

The health visitor is nothing to do with social services.

FraggleRock77 Fri 30-Jun-17 19:56:06

Do you really think that's helpful to call social workers 'bloody nosy pigs' Rubyfeet!! I'm a social worker. Would love to know what you do for a living?
Very irresponsible. Social Services are generally intervening to assist/advice/support people.

user1496701154 Fri 30-Jun-17 19:57:10

Thanks for your reply and information they did say they are going to ring to come out for a chat. They did say on the phone it's good I haven't missed any of my appointments with midwife.

cloudchasing Fri 30-Jun-17 19:59:57

I had SS involvement a few years ago for a short time - I have to say they were bloody lovely.

I wouldn't say your house needs to be super tidy either. To me, that would smack a little of trying too hard, and there's no need. I would think they are just looking for 'normal' life.

Asparaguswee Fri 30-Jun-17 20:04:28

You have to look at this from SS point of view. You are bringing a baby into a home where BOTH parents suffer with depression and anxiety. It could very well be a recipe for disaster. They need to check what support you have, what plans you have in place etc for when the baby has been up screaming night after night after night and you are both exhausted and on the edge.
Love has nothing to do with it, having a newborn is hard, very hard WITHOUT anxiety or depression but both of you with it? I understand why they would be concerned.

swapsicles Fri 30-Jun-17 20:05:15

Funny how those who slate social services very often cite the case of a friend. Not being directly involved you will never know the full and true story.
Op please don't worry, social services are there to assess your current circumstances and if needed offer support and help or let you know where to go for help should you want or need it later on.

rubyfeet Fri 30-Jun-17 20:09:59

Oh I was very involved and I know EXACTLY what went on. I was involved in supporting said friend and ensuring the best possible outcome for her

I won't say too much here as I don't think it would be helpful to the op.

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