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Has anyone else felt this?

(13 Posts)
Har97 Thu 29-Jun-17 14:27:19

I desperately want to have a baby yet I'm terrified. I hear so much about how "You never get your body back." I hear that you and your husband could lose your bond. I hear about all the gross stuff. It seems like there is never any good. To me it also seems like everyone only has a baby here if it is unplanned. I'm afraid everyone will think that of me no matter if I plan or not. I'm terrified at the doctors all up in my parts. I'm scared I'll be huge and never fit in my clothes again afterwards, but I desperately want to give life to a baby . Please help. Am I the only one who feels this way?

Har97 Thu 29-Jun-17 14:31:28

I'm also super afraid of labor. And /or dieing when giving birth. And afraid I wouldn't be a good mother. Maybe it's because I havnt been around many babies.

cautiousoptimist1 Thu 29-Jun-17 14:36:16

You're not the only one to have felt this way. I hated the thoughts of all the examinations but you have to think about the baby and that got me through it.

I think most people are concerned about getting their figure back and it's different for everyone. Some people lose the weight very quickly and some take longer, learn to love your new body - it might not be as toned or as slim as before but it created your baby.

My DH is my best friend so I never had any concerns about our relationship but in our case I just loved him more watching him with our LG.

scaredofthecity Thu 29-Jun-17 14:37:00

the fact of the matter is that having kids is hard and life will never be the same... but having a child is amazing and worth the hardship.
Your priorities will change, as will your body and your ability to socialise and holiday which is why people say to wait till your a bit older as you can feel you've missed out a bit on the fun years otherwise.
I also think once you have a career you are judged for being pregnant and choosing family over your career some people might say it was a surprise when actually they're pregnancy was planned.
I had my DS at 27 which is young in my area, I honestly think we should have waited a bit longer but obviously wouldn't change anything now. My son is awesome smile

scaredofthecity Thu 29-Jun-17 14:37:57

*ffs their not they're

TheFlyingFauxPas Thu 29-Jun-17 14:48:14

I don't think you're ready to have a baby until your willing to put the needs of this tiny helpless being way above any concerns of your body size, relationship, squeemishness about examinations and the opinions of others.

TheFlyingFauxPas Thu 29-Jun-17 14:48:52


RolandRat Thu 29-Jun-17 15:45:49

What's so terribly wrong with having an unplanned child? You sound very immature and naive, maybe wait few years.....

Owl1011 Thu 29-Jun-17 15:59:41

I think if you're concerned about all of those things then maybe have a good think about whether it is the right time for you to have a baby? You say you're desperate but it will come with all of the things you are worried about and pregnancy is stressful enough without adding pressure to yourself. As long as my baby is happy and healthy I'll take the other stuff in my stride, every pregnant woman goes through it and comes out the other side. Hope it works out for you OP smile

Neverknowing Thu 29-Jun-17 16:22:36

Hi op. I was actually skinnier after I had my baby as I struggled to eat when I was pregnant. My stomach went back to normal and I think that's because I'm breastfeeding. It took about ten weeks?
Pregnancy WAS horrible for me I was constantly sick and couldn't walk five seconds without fainting. It's also gross some people get warts, sweat through the night, constant farting etc. BUT it's 100% worth it. My baby is everything and I can honestly say my life is better with her in it.
I have so many friends who thought they were with a good man but they do Nothing when the baby cones, babies are hard work and you need support so make sure you're with the right man.
I honestly disagree that babies cause relationships to break up because the mums I've spoken to have all said that they knew before but having a baby made them see it.

AnUtterIdiot Thu 29-Jun-17 16:41:01

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

joojoobean99 Thu 29-Jun-17 18:06:01

I had the exact same fears as you! I'm 34 and have only just felt ready to face all of those negatives (relationship problems, fear of labour, worries about gaining weight, etc) and started trying to conceive late last year. I've had HG since 7 weeks too (am 30 weeks now) and I didn't even factor in how horrific pregnancy sickness could be! But at the end of the day, there's steps you can take to prepare yourself for almost all scenarios. If you're worried about ur bond with ur husband, make sure your relationship is as strong as possible and that you both 100% want the baby before trying to conceive. If you're worried about labour, speak to your GP/midwife about an elective c-section or pain relief options. If you're worried about weight gain, try to maintain a good diet and a healthy weight before conception so it won't be so hard when you do actually get pregnant (plus for me I actually lost over a stone in my first 8 weeks of HG so it was an unnecessary worry). If you don't want doctors "all up in your parts" (lol) then discuss this with your GP and I'm sure they'll only put you through what is absolutely necessary. I can't cope with a simple smear test, so I'm not a massive fan of a doctor poking around down there, but I haven't had to deal with any of that so far and I'm scheduled in for a c-section so don't anticipate too much of it in the future anyway.

Just relax and remember that there's always options for you. Just be open with your GP about your fears and you'll be fine. Good luck. X

Oysterbabe Thu 29-Jun-17 20:06:12

Assuming 97 is the year you were born, I'd give it a few years and see how you feel then.

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