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Boyfriend really doesnt want this baby and I don't know what to do?

(5 Posts)
BambiOnIce Thu 22-Jun-17 11:11:08

So this is my first time ever posting on this, I recently found out im around 10-11 weeks pregnant. This was completeley unplanned and i've only been with my partner a few months and we both never wanted kids. I know i should of been more on top with contreception but I am really struggling with my mental health at the minute and my head has been all over the place! At first my partner flipped then suddenly he said it was my choice and he'd stand by me. I know this is a big scary step and neither of us are in a good place mentally and i've only just got a new job and he's starting his second year at uni but i really dont think i could go through abortion to me this is already a child inside me. He is severely depressed and really doesnt want this baby but i want to try, I have told him I would do it on my own but he said he would not trust me with a child and would do everything he could to get it took off me if we didnt do it together. I understand where he is coming from and I am already worried about social getting involved as I had a suicide attempt about 3-4 months ago. But I really do beleive we can do this and get by an we have plenty of support but he is only focusing on the negatives and is really getting me down and i just reall dont know what to do please help!

Birdsbeesandtrees Thu 22-Jun-17 11:23:34

shock so he doesn't want the child but he's quite happy to try and have him/her off you if you go through with the pregnancy !!

FYI social services will be concerned about you getting enough support. They aren't going to take the baby away as a newborn from what you've said and he has little chance of persuading them to take the baby away from you and give it to him either !

He sounds like he's trying to bully you into an abortion to be honest.

BambiOnIce Thu 22-Jun-17 11:44:09

I know it's really getting to me now he got his head round it last week and we've already found a house and everything but now his family is getting involved saying ive done this on purpose and i mist have known from the beginning and that I'm conning him? Wich is bull because I didn't want this either but because I've instantly been trying to get my self sorted he thinks I'm coping well when I'm not! He has anger issues and is worried we won't cope but as I said I told him he can leave and I won't even put him on birth certificate but like I said he said he wouldn't feel safe for the baby and thinks it would be unfair on it only having one parent but surely it would be better with one loving parent than one that lives it and the other that hates it I really don't know what to do I'm actually contemplating abortion but I know deep down I would regret it and it would probably lead to another attempt on my life then he says I'm guilt tripping! I know it's going to be hard and I'll be under even more stress but what if this is what I need to sort myself out and do better? Eugh I just feel like I'm losing no matter what I do!

Binkyboo16 Thu 22-Jun-17 16:25:54

I hope this helps!
I have suffered with depression and anxiety since my teens which comes and goes in stages. A few months before I found out I was pregnant I had a bad bout of it, 2-3 months later found out I was pregnant. My partner always wanted kids so not exactly the same situation but even he went through a stage of doubting himself and worried about me. We'd only been together 6 months or so, so was a shock for us too! Since finding out I was pregnant I've never looked back! I too had only just started a new job, was very quickly promoted and then found out we were having twins, so a happy but extremely stressful time.
From what you are saying, if this is what you want go for it, with or without him. You need support right now as this is a huge upheaval for yourself not just him and he sounds like he is being selfish against you. If you want to do this on your own...do it, give him the option to be there but ultimately this is your body, your life and your choice. As for his family....you know the truth of the matter, if they want to be a part of this baby's life then they are free to be and will make the effort to support you and your baby.
It's an emotional time so be kind to yourself, you don't have to make a decision straight away but consider all the possibilities. Mental health is a serious matter but with the right support it gets better and your child will only ever ask for you to love it unconditionally. If you can do that, you're already on the right track!

katerebeccaxxx Thu 22-Jun-17 17:54:55

Hi,

So sorry to hear you are suffering. i was in the same situation (well nearly) a few weeks ago! found out i was pregnant with my partner, he flipped and said most of the same things you partner has said to you and that i couldn't have a baby etc.

at the end of the day you have to decide what would be best for YOU as you would be the person who carries the baby if you choose, or the person who has to terminate the baby. but you shouldn't feel bad for whichever you choose. there is support out there for those struggling and i understand that you can be referred by your midwife to speak to someone regarding your mental health.

i truthfully think he is just shocked and saying anything to upset you and make you think you can't have this baby. but seriously you can totally do this if you choose to. it will work out in the end i promise!

have you told any family and friends? i made my decision to keep the baby after receiving abuse from my now ex partner after i spoke to my mum and dad and confessed to them. they really surprised me in how supportive they are going to be.

but don't feel pressured at all, it's your decision. if you need anything don't hesitate to message me. i know how scary it feels but i am glad i made the decision to keep it and am looking forward to being a single mama.

good luck with whatever you do and take care of yourself!! xx

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