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NCT second time around?

(11 Posts)
BendydickCuminsnatch Tue 13-Jun-17 21:13:04

Didn't do NCT with DS as we were moving house soon after he was born so any friends I would have made would only have been for 7 weeks.

The first year after DS was born was pretty lonely - I found it so so hard to get past the baby group small talk and I really felt like I missed out on the support group and lifelong friends everyone seems to have from their NCT groups.

I've managed to make say 3 close friends I see regularly from baby groups, but my god it was a battle and I had to buck myself up before each baby group in order to pluck up the courage to speak to people! I think I'd be more confident inviting people from baby groups round for coffee etc this time, and won't be in a new area or anything, so maybe I can just go down that route. But part of me really wants an NCT group!

I'm thinking it might be a waste of money because: 1) I only had DS 2 years ago and remember everything 2) am having a C Section so don't need the labour bits and bobs 3) on a refresher course I think all the women are likely to be much older - older demographic here and subsequent kids so women will definitely be older? I'm younger than the average person having their first here. So maybe they won't be interested in me 4) I think people won't be interested in me so knowing me I'll pay all this money and not put myself out there/think people don't like me 5) I don't necessarily want everyone's opinions on issues etc, how to parent etc, I just want some people to have a 'playdate' with, chat with, relieve some of the boredom etc. 6) I'd be the weirdo in a regular NCT course who has already had a kid, don't even think I'm allowed to do a non-refresher actually.

BUT I think it would be brilliant to have a group of people you know before giving birth, all have babies around the same time, and go through that together - it seems to really work and like I say everyone I know has a lovely group of NCT friends and I just feel like I'm missing out on a great support system?

I emailed local branch with backstory and some questions as to whether it would suit me, if I should do regular NCT or a refresher, or if that's for those with bigger gaps, and for info on their postnatal classes - I didn't get a reply. Sent the same to NCT main office and didn't receive any answers, just a generic email saying they've reserved a place on a refresher course for me. So I'm asking here instead smile

Smurfy23 Wed 14-Jun-17 04:35:38

I wouldn't bother doing the original NCT course at this stage as you'll definitely know it all already.

Has your local NCT group got a facebook group or anything like that they use? Mine does and I know theres a monthly get together for second time mums etc as well as other social events theyre organising. They arent things that would be advertised anywhere else really- might be worth a look?

EsmesBees Wed 14-Jun-17 04:53:05

A friend of mine was in a similar situation. She did the refresher course in her new area and was really pleased she did. All the other couples had similar gaps 2-3 years and most were also new to the area.

Luckystar1 Wed 14-Jun-17 05:39:34

I did a refresher course this time with baby 2, so pleased I did. There's nothing quite like the support of those in the thick of it!

Lemondrop99 Wed 14-Jun-17 09:38:35

I haven't done it but I can't help but think that a refresher might be better because then you'll be making friends with parents who already have at least one child - which brings different challenges to what first time parents are facing. Seems likely you'd be able to bond over similar challenges with parents in the same situation? Just a thought.

P.s. I have some lovely friends in their early 40s and we get on great despite the age gap. If you just want to hang out with kids and eat coffee and cake, age doesn't haven't to be a barrier to making good friends?

BendydickCuminsnatch Wed 14-Jun-17 12:02:07

Lemondrop I know that but THEY aren't interested in ME! Believe me I've tried! I don't see age as a barrier but sadly lots of people (round here at least) seem to. It's not like I'm young to have kids, I'm 27, 25 when I had my first. But that's young round here. I too have many friends in their 30s and 40s (not that I know their ages exactly) but at babygroups it's hard to get past the smalltalk and people usually gravitate to those who are most like them, it seems.

Hmm now I'm thinking maybe I should do the refresher! I was thinking not but good point that a lot of the others on the course might be new to the area too.

Lemondrop99 Wed 14-Jun-17 12:08:59

Awww I'm sorry to hear that Bendy sad Again, I haven't tried them but there a mummy meet up apps (Mush seems good. There's also one called Peanut). Maybe try to attend some of those meet ups as mum's will be attending those specifically to try and make friends. Worth a go?

Scroobius Wed 14-Jun-17 17:38:08

Sorry to hijack your thread but are the refresher courses cheaper? I contacted them about the course and for a 2nd time round it seemed very expensive to find out things I already know but, like you, I was hoping to go this time to meet other parents.

BendydickCuminsnatch Wed 14-Jun-17 19:22:34

Thanks Lemondrop, sorry I didn't want you to think I was biting your head off! I have Mush but always forget about it, not heard of Peanut so I'll download that one!

Scroobius Refresher in my area is £108 (they're not very forthcoming with their prices!!), a 10 hr course. Most of what it covers is irrelevant to me as I'm having a c section but there's bits on sibling rivalry, introducing a new baby into the family etc. and then the social aspect...

I'm feeling maybe I'll do it - just seen my place is reserved until tomorrow! I guess at least if I do it and regret it it's only 1/3rd of the price of the regular course! And otherwise I'll always wonder 'what if'. May as well give it a go I guess given there's so much less we need to buy this time around.

Tchoutchou Wed 14-Jun-17 21:22:25

You could try and if there's a second baby course in your area?

Haven't used them but advertised on FB local mum's network.
www.thebabycarecompany.co.uk/classes/2nd_baby_preparation/index.html

bamummy2 Thu 15-Jun-17 08:41:56

I know exactly how you feel, I have a 3 year old, a 17m old and am expecting baby number 3. I am considering a refresher course or something similar... I did nct with my first and made a fantastic group of friends, we all went on to have second babies around the same time but unfortunately we have since moved areas and although I keep in contact (see once every few weeks) it's not quite the same!! I'm also only 24 and find the age thing a big barrier. Like you said its not that I have an issue at all with age but I feel like a lot of older mums won't give me the time of day! And the area we have moved to is very cliquey and a lot of older mums so I'm struggling to find anyone! My theory was that anyone that joined he refresher course was probably in the same boat and looking to meet new people!?x

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