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If you had an unexpected pregnancy, when did it "sink in" for you and your partner?

(18 Posts)
Oddsocksforeveryone Wed 31-May-17 15:49:34

I have PCOS, it took me years to come to terms with my infertility. Then for some reason I became fertile. I don't quite understand it, my ovaries are an absolute mess, actually had a surgeon nervously aporoach me about it after one of my sections, but I am obviously grateful that for whatever reason they must work. So of course with all of my pregnancies (5 pregnancies, 2 miscarriages, 3 children) I was thrilled/nervous/excited etc.
This pregnancy was a surprise, was 6 or 8 weeks I think when I found out I was expecting. I am now 18 weeks, youngest child is almost 11 months old.
But, I'm not connecting this time the way I did with the others. I know it's happening, I've been very sick and have an obvious bump etc so physically is happening but I can't quite seem to get my head around it. I thought maybe at the scan it would change but I've had 2 and still can't quite imagine there's going to be another baby here in a few months.
My husband is even worse. He just keeps forgetting about the baby. For example someone bought something for the baby and he said "well that'll be too small for DD in winter" I said no it's for the baby "what baby?" Er this baby (pointing at bump) - then he remembered.
And:
DM: well you'll need a bigger car
DH: what do you mean?
DM: you won't all fit in it?
DH: why not?
DM: because you'll have 4 children
DH:.... oh yeah

Both examples from this weekend.
Did anyone else have this? Should I do something or just keep waiting for it to kick in? I talk about the pregnancy I just don't really feel that, I don't know, bond yet.
I feel guilty, but are we just in denial?

YoureNotASausage Wed 31-May-17 15:57:39

We're 2 weeks after discovering an accidental pregnancy and #4. I think it's sunk it. But I'm to rotten sick to think nice thoughts about it. I've at least 10 weeks of hell to go through first. Oh how I wash I was 18wks like you.

Don't worry, it sounds like you guys are okay about it and once he/she arrives it will be hard to forget!

LumpySpaceCow Wed 31-May-17 16:02:13

I'm unexpectedly pregnant with our 4th (about 12-13 weeks but awaiting scan). I don't feel connected at all and am also hoping the scans will do it! I think part of it is that I'm so busy with work and the other 3 children that I just don't think about it!
When I do, I tend to feel a bit pissed off for lots of reasons - I can't have a drink, that I'm so tired and will be even more knackered, that I'll have to give birth etc. I try to talk these feelings through with my dh but he just says 'everything will be fine' - which it will, but doesn't acknowledge my feelings! To be honest, I think I may have had similar feelings with my 3rd, but he is here and I can't imagine life without him! I'm just hoping that once the 4th is here, then he/she will fit in just the same!

Oddsocksforeveryone Wed 31-May-17 16:06:43

Thanks @sausage, I'm taking promethazine 3 times a day to stop my sickness could you ask Dr for some? I was like a fountain but now in only sick if I eat something the baby doesn't approve of. Within 10 minutes if I eat anything with chocolate in/on it, cake, chicken nuggets (battered but not bread crumbed for some reason).
My mum has already started making jokes about DH leaving the baby at supermarket or something forgetting he had it.

Oddsocksforeveryone Wed 31-May-17 16:07:20

And congratulations ladies

Oddsocksforeveryone Wed 31-May-17 16:13:50

@Lumpy I've a feeling that I'm trying to not think about the baby coming to avoid the panic of everything that entails from birth to extra work load and even less sleep. I understand what you're saying about being pissed off, I can't stop thinking about brussels pate

LittleWingSoul Wed 31-May-17 16:19:24

I feel the same way now with unexpected no.3. 9 weeks and still waiting to feel excited! Thing is, we knew we wanted a third and were 'not trying to not get pregnant' ifyswim, just didn't think it would be... well... now!

I hate the fact that I'm getting fat, going cold turkey off booze overnight (I'd had a few whiskies when I did the test!), feeling blue, wondering how we'll fit in the house/car, vbac/elcs...

My mantra now is 'last time you'll ever have to do this'! Of course, willing everything to go without complications. And I know I'll fall in love all over again when I first see them (cheesy, but true, I'm sure!)

RozziRaspberry Wed 31-May-17 18:26:07

I found out 3 weeks ago i was unexpectedly pregnant with number 4 (youngest is 14 so big age gap), i really didn't know how i felt about the pregnancy. I went for my scan and i was dated at 18 weeks, we were still in shock then 5 days after scan got a phone call to say that my blood result came back with a 1 in 16 chance of Downs Syndrome. Had an amniocentesis last week, results came back the next day which we were surprised at as we were told they could take up to 3 days and thankfully it was all good.

I'm 20 weeks this week and it's only just sunk in and we are getting really excited now and thankful all is okay, it really has been a rollercoaster of emotions.

I think if i found out before 12 weeks it would have taken much longer for it to sink in for us.

YoureNotASausage Wed 31-May-17 22:54:14

I'm so relieved to meet you other accidental #4 mums. Mine will be 4, 3 and 2 when this one arrives. I'm horrified about telling my mum who is sweet and helpful but already so negative about how hard the 3 are. I was due to have my coil fitted the day after I realised my period was late and I could cry thinking about how many times I've had to lie to my mum about that fucking coil....'is it fitted yet?' 'Bet you're glad it's fitted' 'it would just be too much for you' 'you don't want any accidents'. I swear I'm not telling her till the child is off to school! My mum had 2 kids, with a sensible gap, and likes everything to be just so. She doesn't handle stress brilliantly. And neither do I but I did always want 4 kids (though realised I was happy with 3), we have more than enough money. I've kept my job through all the babies and now have a lovely work from home situation earning well, a full time and really wonderful nanny who is fecking ecstatic sbout the baby and so excited. My DH is a good man although he works far too much. Our house is plenty big and we can afford to extend. We couldn't be better set up for a bigger family! But still she will be so disappointed because yes, I do struggle with the 3 so close together and so needy with my DH so busy. But I guess the intensity will pass?

I'm still a bit horrified about the 4th myself so wish my mum would reassure me rather than vomit disappointment all over me when I tell her.

Anyone else with similarly negative family?

Oddsocksforeveryone Thu 01-Jun-17 16:26:57

@sausage my mum is the same and in the early days sent me so many messages and links about the dangers and risks of fourth section, she's worried about me etc etc. I felt like she was hinting at not keeping the baby so I sent her a message straight up saying that wasn't an option and she stopped. She doesn't talk about the baby though.
We are not set up for another, no nanny, no car, no room really etc but everyone is pretty happy so I'm sure baby will just add to the mix.

@left that's what's freaking me out. I said "just get through it and you'll never have to do this again" last time haha

@Rozzi bless you that's a lot to go through I'm glad it all came back ok.

Oddsocksforeveryone Thu 01-Jun-17 16:30:08

Oh and is everybody else getting the comments from random people about being pregnant AGAIN. Like:

Don't you own a TV?

You'd think you'd know how it works by now. (Sex leading to pregnancy)

Are you crazy?

StupidSlimyGit Thu 01-Jun-17 16:35:27

It sunk in for me a few minutes after she was born. I was being stitched up post c-section they bought DD over for me to see and my most memorable words at first seeing her were "OMG, she's real... I really was pregnant" blush I'd had hyperemesis and been on crutches for PGP plus had a bump which was ridiculously huge and a 93rd centile baby who was very active so it isn't like I had been symptomless!

The anaesthetist laughed but my mom was a bit hmm I do think if you aren't expecting the pregnancy it can take longer to sink in!

Congratulations!!!

Natsku Thu 01-Jun-17 17:07:21

I found out on Monday that I'm pregnant with my 2nd. Hasn't sunk in, and a bit of a non-reaction from OH didn't help.
Struggling with having to go cold-turkey with my insomnia meds and trying to quickly wean myself off venlafaxine so feeling like shit.

I have my first midwife appointment on the 12th so I'm hoping that'll help it sink in for me. Been having the odd moment of thinking our house isn't big enough etc. but passes quickly as I go back into denial.

Hotpinkangel19 Thu 01-Jun-17 22:25:49

@Natsku I had to do the same... only I just completely stopped Venlafaxine hmmit was a horrible 3 weeks!!!! Hope you are okay? X

Oddsocksforeveryone Fri 02-Jun-17 02:48:13

Oh bless you both having to come off meds I hope you're alright.

MamaHanji Fri 02-Jun-17 06:51:16

My periods stopped last January for some random reason. After lots of tests and investigations due to other symptoms too, i was told I was going through premature menopause. So we were pretty upset as we wanted another baby in the next few years. Tried to wrap our heads around that by thinking of all the horrible parts of pregnancy (I was really sick and bled the whole time and had GD and a c section)

Middle of April I started throwing up and just assumed it was a minor bug. After about 2 week, my partner comes home with a test and what do you know, I'm 7 weeks pregnant.

I had a scan the next week as they thought I was making it up and the tests were false. 8 weeks pregnant but it didn't register. By about 4-5 months it was semi registering but not until about 7/8 months did it register. And even then, we all half expected it to still be untrue!

I had a natural labour this time and I remember as soon as I saw her I thought 'oh wow there really is a baby'

She's 6 months now. And was created through almost virtually miraculous conception. I got the coil fitted last week wink

My body seems to want babies whether or not I make them!

Natsku Fri 02-Jun-17 10:20:53

I don't dare come off cold turkey, have reduced to 150mg and feeling ok now so will reduce again in a couple of days. Don't know how I'll manage the last bit though, going to ask the doctor for help.

tinypop4 Fri 02-Jun-17 10:28:04

Dc1 was a huge surprise and came at what could be considered a very bad time for us! I didn't have a jot of excitement about having her and couldn't come to terms with it. It sank in when we got her home, popped her in the living room and began the task of keeping her alive. Couple of weeks later she was the light of both our lives and we went on to have more! So yeah, not really until she arrived

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