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Urgent husband advice: How long does labour with No2 last if No1 was induction at 42 weeks and emergency c-sec? Can I be 3.5 hrs away?!

(28 Posts)
SkyeBlu Tue 30-May-17 10:32:42

My wife is currently 39 weeks and 3 days expecting our second baby. Our first baby had to be induced at 42 weeks and after a traumatic labour ended in an emergency C-section. She is very twitchy about my commitment to work and needing to be 3.5 hrs drive away for work all day on Thursday (2 days time) - 3 days before official due date. I really need to go to this meeting. Am I or she being unreasonable? Please advise!!!

AssassinatedBeauty Tue 30-May-17 10:37:12

It's impossible to say, as it can be totally different. The only answer is that nobody knows. She is not being unreasonable to be unhappy about you being so far away.

Is your wife going to be left with your eldest child to look after? What will she do if she feels she needs to go to hospital and you're not there?

The other people in this meeting must surely already be aware there's a chance you might miss it, if she goes into labour before Thursday?

NotAnotherUserName5 Tue 30-May-17 11:08:52

It's really impossible to say! My second labour was 40 minutes though, so it does happen.

In her shoes, I can see why she doesn't want you to go that far away so near the due date.

Considering she also had a traumatic experience last time, is really look at if you really do need to go to the meeting.

anxiousandpregnant Tue 30-May-17 11:25:05

I can totally see why she is unhappy about you going, you cant predict the future therefore don't know what will happen while you are at that meeting.
Will work not be understanding that your partner is due to give birth any day and let you miss this meeting? Can you send a colleague in your place? Or alternatively ask a family member to be at home with your partner to put her mind at rest?
It might turn out that you go to the meeting and everything is fine at home but its a risk and I wouldn't be willing to make it.

notomatoes Tue 30-May-17 11:33:34

I would be twitchy too! Chances are nothing will happen, or you will have time to return. But "chances are" would not be good enough for me.

SkyeBlu Tue 30-May-17 11:43:52

Thanks for all the great advice ...Its the wife here now! Very grateful of all the support above... to fill the picture a little more, the birth of baby 1 was utterly horrific...the emergency c-sec we all thought (including Drs) was too late and baby had died...they had to work very hard to get him back/resuscitate, which Drs and midwives were fantastic and did brilliantly..he is now a very healthy 4 year old. However it has taken a long time to get over trauma and feel ready to embrace No 2....I am determined to give VBAC a go, as I believe everything went wrong due to being induced (they will not do that again) and I have until 41 weeks to let nature take over and give it a go, but as husband points out...I was overdue with No 1 which is why I had to be induced and it's not even the due date yet and apparently it is a really important meeting that will cause him a lot of stress if he misses....and he will have his telephone on...etc etc...get back asap if I ring....but otherwise be away for most of the day 3.5 hrs drive away (that relies on M6 not being closed/severe traffic jam etc....). I think if I don't give birth that day and he does excuse himself it will lead to a massive headache for him and resentment of me 'crying wolf'.....
Also in terms of other support, I do have great friends around, in laws galore willing to help (that I do like and get on with) and my mother who is arriving today to stay and look after No 1 son...... so it is not as if I don't have support, I just don't want anyone else there but him when/if it all kicks off..........sorry for lengthy message - but after all the effort of above, I felt important to give a bit more detail than what he did! Thank you XXXXXXXXXX

notomatoes Tue 30-May-17 11:55:42

Crying wolf? I really am struggling to understand this man...

You are having his child and he would accuse you of crying wolf and resent you if he has to cancel a meeting to be with you? Even without the traumatic backstory that would make him a massive dick. Yes you have support, but it's the FATHER OF YOUR CHILD who should be there for you.

Sparklyuggs Tue 30-May-17 14:04:13

I'm normally a big fan of couples making joint decisions but in this case it comes down to your maternal instinct and what you feel comfortable with, if you aren't comfortable with him going it's perfectly valid but equally if you feel that you have enough support to help you until he could get there then that's ok too.

Caterina99 Tue 30-May-17 15:14:30

I think, unless you are having contractions on Wednesday or some other reason where labour is genuinely appearing imminent, I'd say he goes but keeps his phone on and lets work know the situation in case he has to leave.

That's because you have your mum staying and plenty of other support to help with your DS. If you were alone I'd prob say not go.

autumnboys Tue 30-May-17 15:19:52

I think in the circumstances, could your husband not conference call or Skype into the meeting? Even if you'd had a perfectly straightforward labour last time, I don't think it would be unreasonable of you to want him closer to home so close to your due date, if it's possible.

calimommy Tue 30-May-17 16:32:08

I was induced at 39 with baby 1(he was iugr but showed no signs of leaving anyway). Baby 2 was born at 37+4 complete surprise,4 hrs from my waters popping on the kitchen floor to him on my chest. DH had just returned from being on the other side of the world the day before! So he nearly missed it!

SkyeBlu Tue 30-May-17 16:48:07

calimommy - crikey, what a relief for both of you! So glad it worked out.
Thank you all for kind advice....I think he is and I'm increasingly ok about...him going to this wretched meeting!
Fingers and legs crossed for Thursday but secretly hoping and thinking it might be starting now....!

Lunalovepud Tue 30-May-17 19:12:59

3.5 hours away is a long way away if your labour starts and adds anxiety that you don't need to the whole process.

For me this would come down to what is the most important to your DH - the meeting or the wife. It's that clear for me.

Plus, it's not just abut going into labour.

When I was PG with DC1, I went to a standard ante-natal appointment at 38 weeks, feeling absolutely fine, only to be sent straight to the hospital by my GP where I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia. I really needed the support of my DH then and there that day, if my DH would have been 3.5 hours away and I would have had to do all of that by myself, it would have made the whole situation more difficult emotionally and I would have probably been pretty resentful about it.

Is there any way the meeting could take place closer to home? Or via Skype?

And if my DH mentioned anything about 'crying wolf' anywhere near me at 39 weeks pregnant, he would be needing the services of a hospital himself and any further labours / children would not be a concern for him. wink

TestingTestingWonTooFree Tue 30-May-17 20:15:59

I'm pretty relaxed, but I think that's too far. Might not be ideal, but can he phone in to participate?

Floozie66 Tue 30-May-17 20:23:37

I wouldnt let my partner go anywhere at a significant distance the last few weeks as had a feeling baby might come early - she didnt but you never know how any labour is going to pan out so if he is your only support person for birth then i dont think you are asking too much for gim to be around 3 days before dd - good luck 😀

Borntoflyinfirst Tue 30-May-17 20:33:34

Sorry but there is no reason why he can't call in to the meeting from home. Given your history he is being massively unreasonable even wanting to take a chance. I'd feel twitchy without the awful time you went through before. No meeting or even job is more important than this.

Melmam Tue 30-May-17 20:51:40

I went into labour at 38 weeks with my second son my husband had lots of traveling to do with work but he cancelled everything from 36week's of pregnancy as he didn't want to leave me and done everything after his paternity leave he knew how terrified I was of giving birth as my first birth was horrific. Hope all goes well for you flowers

Muddywellies10 Tue 30-May-17 20:53:29

No way! That's a 7 hour drive potentially if you went into labour? He could very easily miss the birth. My dh suggested a similar work trip when I was 38 weeks and I asked him to cancel (which he did). I didn't go into labour that day when he would have been away, but did the day after. My first labour was only 6 hours long from start to finish! You just don't know how things will go and just because you went overdue last time doesn't mean you will this time. Particularly given what you went through last time, I think he should make sure he can be there to support you at all costs.
Sending you very best wishes for a great birth this time.

vickifaith Wed 31-May-17 06:29:06

This is making me worry! My husband works away pretty much every other week and is I. Canada when I'm 38 weeks - we are UK. Best keep my legs crossed X

Shortfatandangry Wed 31-May-17 06:43:10

I think it's pretty simple really. He thinks this meeting is more important than the birth of your next child, or your comfort while you labour. Sure, it might not happen. But it might, and if so there's a very very good chance he won't be there. Is there really any good reason he can't teleconference?

HelenaJustina Wed 31-May-17 06:46:32

On my due date with DC4 DH flew to another part of the British Isles. But then I'd been late with the previous three...

I'd say chances are you'll be fine, but have a backup plan in place instead. There's a lot more to being a father than witnessing the birth!

Kennethwasmyfriend Wed 31-May-17 06:49:23

Neither of you are being unreasonable, but you have to accept you may miss the birth and the chance to offer support to your dw who had an awful experience last time. If the baby comes today, you'll still be heading to the meeting tomorrow?

Kennethwasmyfriend Wed 31-May-17 06:51:47

Have just read that the husband says it will cause him a lot of stress to miss the meeting. This does make me think he hasn't fully taken on board the stress that the last birth caused to his wife, and how much she (and the baby) may need his support. Meeting stress pales in comparison with thinking you have lost your child flowers

Ivory200 Wed 31-May-17 06:52:53

Why can't he Skype into the meeting from his home office? My DH has almost daily meetings like this, involving colleagues or clients who are too far away to get there easily. Modern communications are fantastic.

AddToBasket Wed 31-May-17 07:00:15

I agree, why can't he phone in to the meeting?

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