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We have found out the gender and I don't know how I feel about it...

(110 Posts)
DuRezidal Sat 27-May-17 15:18:08

I am 16 weeks today and we made an appointment for a private gender scan. I had no idea what I was having, but I did always envisage having two daughters.

We took my 5 year old daughter with us as she wanted to know.

The baby was not very cooperative for quite some time, and then finally the sonographer asked if we still wanted to know. We said yes and she announced we were having a boy.

Since that moment I've just felt strange and don't feel as excited as I would do. I can't say this to my husband as he is absolutely delighted, he never imagined we would be having a boy but he is so so happy. So I feel a bit guilty that I am not glad I am having a boy.

It's silly because I know that I have a daughter who is perfect, but I just envisaged having another little girl.

FlapAttack88 Sat 27-May-17 16:26:12

Give yourself a few days. I didn't in our with my first but did with my 2nd as this is my last pregnancy due to complications and sp I wanted to get my head around it. I have a ds and now know I am having another little boy. I am thrilled but I know now I will never have a girl so it's something to get my head around. It was so different finding out with my first as boom they were there and nothing else to think about as baby already there n my arms and I couldn't take my eyes off him haha. I found out yday and still sinking in!

Dede124 Sat 27-May-17 16:30:06

I felt exactly the same.. we had a private scan at 16 weeks and although I didn't have my heart set I just had a gut feeling it was a boy and so did OH so we kind of sometimes even referred to them as 'him' without even realising lol. Then we found out it was a baby girl and my heart sunk a bit.. not because I was disappointed but almost shocked?! I think deep down OH wanted a boy too so I felt like he was disappointed and now we're so happy it's a baby girl and OH is loving buying little girly things for her 💗 it's strange when you find out @DuRezidal but you will be ok about it all in the next few days you will come round to it all xx

2017Babyontheway Sat 27-May-17 16:30:20

I am the exact same although we havnt technically found out!

Went for 20 week scan couple of weeks ago and although I wanted to know the sex my husband didn't. As the sonograpgher scanned I'm pretty sure I saw a pair of balls! Would this be viable on the scan??

Ever since then I've convinced myself we are having a boy and can't help feeling slightly disappointed. I always pictured myself with a girl. Trying to convince myself I'm having a boy now so I have the 20 weeks to get used to It!!

Anyone got any potty shots of their boys or girls?? The scan seems such a blur now I'm not sure if I've convinced myself I saw a pair of balls or if I actually did!

Dede124 Sat 27-May-17 16:33:46

@2017Babyontheway they usually tell it's a boy by their balls I think? And with a girl there is usually three lines. I know that's for definite for a girl and I'm sure she said that's how you tell for a boy. X

lilydaisyrose Sat 27-May-17 16:52:57

We convinced ourselves we saw a willy & balls at our 20w scan last July and I now have a 5 month old baby girl!

DuRezidal Sat 27-May-17 17:20:22

I feel really flat and deflated, but feel awful for feeling like that. It probably made it harder because my little girl was so disappointed but has since been making pictures for him.

GahBuggerit Sat 27-May-17 17:25:59

Awwwww a lovely little baby boy smile you're very lucky op. Congratulations!

MajesticWhine Sat 27-May-17 17:26:05

Give it time. You will probably feel differently after you've had a few days to get used to the idea.

stripeyboys Sat 27-May-17 17:33:14

Your daughter sounds lovely, drawing pictures for her little brother. Maybe you could get her favourite pictures framed to decorate baby's room.

I have two boys. They are amazing. They are fabulous because they are my children, and they are themselves. You will adore your little boy.

NerrSnerr Sat 27-May-17 17:40:05

When I was pregnant with my second we convinced ourselves we were having a second girl. At the 20 week scan the balls were there for us all to see! I felt a bit deflated for a few days but now he's a 7 week old and he's just him and the most beautiful baby in the world

strawberrypenguin Sat 27-May-17 17:42:51

Ooh another boy bashing thread - we've not had one of these for at least 24 hrs!

Was your little boy healthy OP?
Do you have the worry of having to go back for other scans to check if he's OK or not. I really hope you don't because it's the worst feeling in the world.

lilyborderterrier Sat 27-May-17 17:47:29

Bless you I'm 6 months pregnant with my 2nd a boy and I was a bit 😯when we found out but now we are all super excited. It was a purely selfish reason as I'd kept all my 4.5 year old daughters clothes and I was being tight and hoping we could just use them again. Stupid I know!

Boys are ace as are girls my daughter is so excited she's on no way girly and a total tom boy so she can't wait!

Congratulations xx

dddddddddd Sat 27-May-17 17:51:40

I'm assuming baby boy is healthy? No concerns? Congratulations on your healthy baby OP!!

DuRezidal Sat 27-May-17 17:55:03

@lilyborderterrier exactly the same, we actually went through all the stuff from our daughter the other day.

@strawberrypenguin I am a little offended by the tone of your post. This is in no way a 'boy bashing' as you so delicately put it. I assumed this forum was for people to share their worries,

SlB09 Sat 27-May-17 17:56:56

Same here and its been 3 weeks since I found out , still quite ambivalent. I really don't think you should let other posters make you feel guilty for feeling what you feel. Hopes and dreams are natural human emotions, as are sadness that these might not come true. Everythings a process and im sure with time we will both work through it and think our babies are the most amazing things in the world boy or girl xxx

SheepyFun Sat 27-May-17 17:57:16

I get where you're coming from, OP. We found out at the 20 week scan, and I'd been kind of hoping we'd have a boy - I'm not girly at all, and thought I would struggle with a daughter. No prizes for guessing what we have. I didn't discuss how I felt with anyone, and after a couple of weeks, I got used to the idea and I've been fine with it ever since. DD is now 4, and painfully girly - DH hates pink even more than me, but we do allow her the odd pink dress/toy!

EssentialHummus Sat 27-May-17 18:00:00

I don't think that's helpful strawberry - OP is trying to use MN to process her feelings about the baby's sex. No need to guilt trip her because he is healthy, we all know that these scans have a far more serious purpose.

OP I had a version of this - "knew" I was having a boy and felt a daughter would be more difficult because of my own family history. You can guess what I'm having grin. I agree with the PP who suggests giving yourself time to process this.

LorLorr2 Sat 27-May-17 18:00:38

You will love him to bits once you hold him. We all have dreams and images of our life and it rarely goes to plan wink
Some people would be soo envious, having 'one of each'!
Anyway, don't beat yourself up over how you feel, just enjoy your daughter x

DuRezidal Sat 27-May-17 18:00:40

Thank you, I haven't discussed my feelings with anyone, nor do I intend to.

I think my mum knows my feelings as she has not pushed me at all and not asked me if I am happy. I found it hard telling a friend (she knew we were having the scan) and she sent me loads of messages asking me if I was excited and did I have any name ideas x

mynotsoperfectlife Sat 27-May-17 18:02:08

I was desperate for a girl so I do sympathise but what I don't get is booking a private gender scam if you think you'll be disappointed by it?

DuRezidal Sat 27-May-17 18:03:39

@mynotsoperfectlife I never even thought about it to be honest. As I said in the OP I did not even realise I had a preference at all until this afternoon. And I wouldn't even say that I have a preference even now. I just don't feel how I felt when I was told I was having a girl last time.

theclick Sat 27-May-17 18:06:54

I'd love to have a boy, in fact we have our scan coming up and I'm nervous as I know DH would too smile

DuRezidal Sat 27-May-17 18:11:18

It's just odd because I wanted a boy for my husband and I know he would love a boy! But just didn't expect to feel like this, I've had to put a smile on this afternoon and feel nervous about telling people due to my own feelings.

Batteriesallgone Sat 27-May-17 18:12:49

OP, this is my third pregnancy.

First two I couldn't care less whether boy or girl, one of each, lovely.

This time I convinced myself it was a girl, and sonographer said boy. For some reason I felt AWFUL. I love DS - I had no preference - WTF was that feeling about?! I don't really understand it. I think I had told myself a story about the bump being a girl and suddenly that story wasn't true. Also this is probably my last baby, so I guess maybe I grieved a little for the second DD I'm no never going to have?

Who knows. It knocked me for six I tell you. Felt like such a cow for being so bothered by it. But I'm nearly due now, and I'm excited about my little boy. I'm so glad I found out in advance and have had time to process it!

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