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19 Fed up and 17 weeks

(20 Posts)
Kicker764 Fri 26-May-17 18:54:27

So having a baby girl which I found out today and although I'm excited to meet my baby and can't wait to look after her I'm not enjoying pregnancy I split with baby's dad two months ago and felt miserable over that now just as I'm getting over it it's hot weather like this, I am young and this may and probably is selfish but I just want to go out and have a cocktail or something, friends are all out doing things in sun and I've been stuck at home cut the grass and cleaning Just so bored depressed and fed up of life and don't think I can cope the rest of summer and another five months like this 😢 I want to live my life

AnUtterIdiot Fri 26-May-17 20:47:21

If it's any consolation, I'm 41 years old and driving through London yesterday fighting constant nausea I was full of envy for the kids in their 20s outside bars in the sun with cocktails. I want this baby very much and I think it's more about how crappy I currently feel because of morning sickness and exhaustion than anything else.

It's a big decision and it will change your life, but there's nothing to stop you getting out there and joining your friends in the sun with a pineapple juice in the meantime!

jitterbug5 Fri 26-May-17 21:09:41

I'm 22 weeks and 23 years old and I know exactly how you feel! I'm sooo excited and very very lucky to be pregnant but I'm so envious of everyone drinking in the sunshine. Can't wait for him to be here, not only to meet him but so I can have a cheeky fag and a glass of wine! blush

Completely normal feelings I think OP. flowers

Laurenannxo Fri 26-May-17 21:15:25

Jitterbug, I am 25 weeks and 23 also! How did your friends all find it? Mine we're excited at first but I'm starting to feel very left out not going on all the nights out they have planned drinking!! At least we will be energetic running around after our babies though grin

jitterbug5 Sat 27-May-17 10:47:04

Ahh how exciting!!
They were all super excited at first and have been lovely during the pregnancy but we are deffo seeing/hearing from them a lot less as (embarrassingly) or social lives all rotated around the pubs!!!! I'm getting married 2 weeks today though so my minds busy with that otherwise I think I'd feel extremely left out and sorry for myself! 😂 especially with festival season coming up!! We get something so much better at the end though 😁

jitterbug5 Sat 27-May-17 10:47:44

Sorry laurenannxo that was in response to you!! Hahah

Oysterbabe Sat 27-May-17 11:15:22

Why not go to the pub and have a virgin cocktail? You don't have to sulk at home just because you're pregnant.

Kicker764 Sat 27-May-17 12:10:25

Thanks I never thought of that mate👍🏻 And an utter idiot and jitterbug it's nice to know I'm not the only one feeling like this. Not enjoying it at all before I was always out with friends, no one really bothering anymore. Just seeing everyone going to festivals and bars while I am getting fat , also waiting to start new job and money has been going on baby things and living so not got much extra to really go out with either I know it will be worth it but another 5 months feels such a long time away

Goodg Sat 27-May-17 20:24:13

Hi Hun. I'm with you I'm 21 and have just found out I'm six weeks 5days, the weather's so good, it's bank holiday, everyone's out, it's my birthday next week and I've got the worst sickness ever and can't go out.
Do your sure start run a young mums group?
And do any of the local mum and baby groups let pregnant ladies in, it's how lots of women in my area get mum friends before baby is here, they can just join the group for coffee and chat during pregnancy
All the best my love.
If you want to message me feel free

Kicker764 Sat 27-May-17 21:22:57

Hello goodg, thanks so much for your reply, and congrats on your baby! it's just awful feeling like this isn't it when everyone is out living there life's, feel like my life has been put on hold and I am trapped, got absolutely nothing to do, no money having to make do with leggings n vest tops for maternity wear even worse today as I woke with the biggest bump which looks like podgy fat 😢 I didn't expect to feel so down, 18 weeks tomorrow and been the longest 18 weeks and no doubt going to be worse with a growing bump through out summer... haven't really looked into any young Mum groups not sure there is any in my area, midwife mentioned few groups for towards the end and after pregnancy but nothing for nowsad absolutely miserable and don't know where to go from here want to fast forward and my baby here now 🤔

Jenna234 Sat 27-May-17 21:44:47

I'm 19 and 36 weeks pregnant.
I felt a little like that when I was around that time in my pregnancy but you really have to get your head out your bum ( don't mean to be rude!).
You're creating a little human and soon becoming a mom, the moment you decided to keep that little bundle of joy was the moment you should have taken all aspects of future motherhood into consideration. Not going out and not having alcohol is a VERY small price to pay for bringing a little mini you into the world.
I can relate to feeling left out and maybe left behind with your friends but it won't be the same it probably will never be the same because you are becoming a mum and they aren't you guys will be in extremely different stages of life and you need to accept that and understand that you guys probably won't have much or anything to relate to now until they have children.
I was very pregnant in the winter and I couldn't afford heating at times or sometimes food..I was way to embarrassed to ask for money from my parents as I was set on showing them I could do it, and I did. Now that you are a mom you need to think 100% about your child, this time in your life is literally a blip and it'll be over before you know it, so at least try and enjoy it because some woman would kill to be in our position and we need to be thankful for the opportunity we've been given not sat at home with a mood because you can't go out with for a cocktail. You've got your 20 week scan coming up soon and I'm sure that'll cheer you right up! Just try and stay positive!smile

Goodg Sat 27-May-17 21:47:18

You can always drop into some groups, the ones attached to churches are normally particularly accommodating.
Were you offered any perinatal support with your mental wellbeing, When I called to book in I was told the midwife would offer me a referral to them. You seem really down, and they might be able to help too! Have you got any family around who you could talk to? Or friends hope all is ok xxxxx

Kicker764 Sat 27-May-17 22:04:03

Jenna, congrats n thanks for reply its really just that I've been stuck in a few weeks I can count on one hand the number of times I've been out, and it's not once been for leisure just things that needs to be done, I haven't had a good laugh and felt happy in weeks now, it's not as simple as getting my head out my bum knowing that tomorrow will be spent the same as today (at home doing nothing) I mentioned friends going out as they are doing things a pregnant women can't really tag along too, no fun being sober whilst everyone is drunk was the point I Tryed getting at. And I am also so great full I do have a baby growing inside me and I know it will bring so much joy once it's here but for now I can't help the way I'm feeling. And goodg I think I'm going to have a long walk tomorrow and try find somewhere, I have spoke with my mum and not really much support as we don't get on for more than a couple of hours she has her own problems I won't go into on here. And rest of family do live quite a while away, friends don't really understand my situation as Jenna says completely different stages of life. But thanks so much xxx

Kicker764 Sat 27-May-17 22:11:38

Also had midwife appointment this week but didn't tell her anything about how I had been feeling just because of worrying of her judging me or worse think I should've now 🤔

Jenna234 Sat 27-May-17 22:20:22

I can 100% relate but I honestly think it may just be your hormones or maybe just a passing feeling! It will pass and you have to remember that! Sometimes I don't leave the house for weeks on end and I get into a car or just l step out my front door and I almost feel dizzy with all the fresh air lol. Set yourself little goals like little nursery details or little bits around the house. Definitely try and go for a walk as much as you can even though somedays you may feel like doing absolutely nothing seeing nobody, it really helps to get out. I was sent a letter in the post about baby beginnings which is a group that helps with understanding and taking on labour and other aspects of parenting they will probably only get in contact when you are around 26 weeks pregnant.
And again I can relate to not having family around. When I told my mom and dad I was pregnant they told me they wanted nothing to do with me and my dad said I was never to speak to any of them again, I was an embarrassment and I should be ashamed. My older sister said she "sorry" for me and she thought I was selfish for having a baby. So I didn't have anybody and it was bloody hard! I lost my job 15 minutes after I found out I was pregnant so that wasn't great either so please don't think you are alone, I feel your pain! Lol
But coming from experience it will be a passing feeling..the minute you see him grow and kick you'll understand why all of what you feel right now will be worth it.

Goodg Sat 27-May-17 22:46:21

OP I would call your gp or midwife, whist I value what jenna is saying, You are entitled to a certain level of support and your midwife and other services isn't there to judge but to help you. All the best xxxxxx

Kicker764 Sat 27-May-17 22:47:58

it's so hard already I didn't expect this I was so happy and still am to have my own baby but it's affecting every part of my life in a negative way I was studying and had to leave due to the fact I simply couldnt afford to even get there it's quite a bit away and having to start buying straight away to make sure I have everything and severe sickness at the start which resulted in low attendance missing deadlines, now I get a few hours of sleep and am guaranteed to be up at six every morning gone through really tough break up also. Lost family and friends also. Sciatica, low energy my body aches all day nauseous all day. And on top of this all these negative thoughts being stuck in. Really is hardest I've ever gone through and I've had fair few knock backs in life already. Just praying this next half of pregnancy flys by. All I have done for weeks is get the house in order decorating cleaning from the minute I wake. Going to get myself out tomorrow and find something to do hopefully will feel better after a long walk just can't get out of my head how much I'm dreading the next 22 weeks getting fatter and more down 😒 But thanks so much

Kicker764 Sat 27-May-17 22:49:53

Goodg will get in touch with them thank you just not really sure what I say I think I probably am suffering depression as I've been down for weeks xxx

Goodg Sat 27-May-17 23:02:42

Just say you're struggling? You could even show this thread to your m/w if you'd like.
I'm sure you're going to be an amazing mum. But it's normal to feel down, it's not normal to go through it all, feeling like shit, all by yourself.
If you need any more help just ask.

Kicker764 Sat 27-May-17 23:11:18

I'm gonna have to can't cope like this for 22 weeks I want to be happy for my baby and feeling like this won't help her in anyway sad I love her to bits already and feel abit guilty I feel like this too it's just spiralling. Thanks so much for your help honestly xx

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