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Anyone pregnant after a late loss or stillbirth?

(12 Posts)
AgainPlease Tue 16-May-17 19:07:31

Hi MN,

I am pregnant again after giving birth to my son at 20 weeks last August. He was born alive and died shortly after his arrival so as he was born alive he has a birth and death certificate. I then had an mmc at 9 weeks and now I'm pregnant again (all IVF pregnancies). I'll obviously be consultant led this time but not sure how much faith I have in the hospital given my experience.

Is there anyone going through a similar time and want to share their experiences? I have good days and bad days - sometimes I think everything is going to be fine, other days I have panic attacks and just think I won't ever hold a happy healthy baby in my arms.

SANDS were great at helping me heal from my loss but I can't find a support group that helps women who are pregnant after late loss, stillbirth, or neonatal death.

AgainPlease Tue 16-May-17 21:00:07

bump blush

Just me?

Linner83 Tue 16-May-17 21:03:56

So sorry for your losses
I lost my little girl in August last year at 30 weeks.
I'm currently 26 weeks pregnant and so scared history will repeat its self

Miami81 Tue 16-May-17 21:05:00

I am so so sorry for your loss. I have suffered two early mc's and am on the staying posifrickentive when pregnant after miscarriage threads, I think it may be an ante-natal thread. Anyway I think there are a few ladies on there who may have more relevant experience for you.
All the very best to you in this pregnancy.

Chinnychinnychinnychib Tue 16-May-17 21:12:29

I had an ectopic pregnancy, a miscarriage at 8 weeks , DD1, another miscarriage at 12 weeks and then a TMFR at 22 weeks, then DD2. I'm not sure I dared even breathe in my last pregnancy! Especially as my father died mid way through. Was awful.
My only advice: live in the moment. Don't think about the next kick, the next scan, just try and exist. Insist on the birth you want. (Elective section for me). Counselling throughout from perinatal mental health team. Talk and talk and talk about how you feel. Acknowledge it's shitty and your pregnancy experience will not be the same as for those who have not experienced the trauma of loss. Keep going, and hold every hand that is profferred. You can do this.

angelopal Tue 16-May-17 21:17:17

Hi sorry for your losses. I am pregnant with my second rainbow after loosing our first neonatally almost 5 years ago now. It's really hard. There are next pregnancy groups on the SANDS website. It comes under groups rather than the forum. Not sure I would have got through my last pregnancy without that support.

I have good days and bad days to. People keep asking if you are excited and don't get that you are terrified of something going wrong.

Even though I have gone on to have a healthy dc being pregnant again has brought up a lot of memories and it is hard.

Have you seen your consultant yet? For me knowing what extra scans etc I would get helped.

AgainPlease Tue 16-May-17 21:31:11

Thank you everyone for sharing your stories although I'm sad we have lost babies. I think I will get counselling throughout the pregnancy but need to speak to my midwife when I have my booking in appointment next week (when I'll be 8 weeks). I was told I will have the same counsellor who counselled me after my loss. I think I'll get to see my consultant fairly soon afterwards as I'll need an operation at 13 weeks for a cervical stitch.

Chinnychinny I'm glad you said you demanded the pregnancy/delivery you wanted. I want to be induced at 37 weeks (when my cervical stitch is to be removed) and I don't want anyone to tell me no.

So far the hospital have been great and have basically given me a free pass to EPU and AGU (gynae) for scans whenever I want for reassurance.

ChickenBhuna Tue 16-May-17 21:37:32

I'm sorry for your losses.

We lost our baby to a fatal disability at just over 20 weeks last year. I'm now almost at that stage of pregnancy this time around and although we know there's no sign of that particular health problem with our baby , we're still utterly terrified of another late loss.

It's not easy and we're determined to enjoy this pregnancy.

Chinnychinnychinnychib Tue 16-May-17 21:45:37

I refused to leave the antenatal clinic until they gave me a c section date, dh was mortified at his crazy wife but I could not deliver vAginally after the TMFR. Just couldn't. The psych team totally backed me up and were brilliant. We had a whole care plan in place for when I went mad - which actually I never did but was convinced I was going to - and we got through it just fine. Mind you, I didn't put DD2 down for a year or let anyone else hold her and now she's an absolute terror!!! So there's a lesson in there somewhere but I don't care. She's my little miracle and shows me that there is light in the darkness.

Impatientwino Wed 17-May-17 22:08:12

Hi I'm so sorry for all the losses on here. I lost my darling DS2 William at 39 weeks to a rare complication in March last year and I'm now 22 weeks with DS3

I'm utterly bloody terrified with good days and bad, as someone else said, I'm just getting through each day. I get small waves of positivity and then get frightened again. I'm struggling with physically looking pregnant again, it makes me feel sick but I'm getting better.

In the sands booklet I remember reading that someone bought a babygro and hung it in their bedroom to remind them to be positive. I couldn't quite face that but I have bought the baby a soft toy and put it in my cupboard which is my kind of half way house.

I remember you Again from the conception after late loss/stillbirth thread and I'm so pleased to read that you're pregnant.

One day at a time flowers and some virtual winefor all while I'm at it.

AgainPlease Wed 17-May-17 22:22:46

Impatient hello! I remember you and so happy that you're half way through your pregnancy and wishing everything will have a happy outcome this time around. How have you felt with your care at the hospital? Have you been seen enough, have they been sensitive to your loss, do they understand your anxiety?

I heard we get a big SANDS sticker on our maternity notes next time around so I'm hoping all staff members know what that means and will treat me with care!

Chinny I'm with you on the crazy. I don't care if the midwives and consultants bitch about me to my face or behind my back because they will get fed up with all my demands and how often I plan to go in for check ups but I really don't care. No way can I bury another baby, not taking any chances!

Impatientwino Thu 18-May-17 07:26:59

Oh I don't think anyone will be talking behind your back, your baby died, they will understand how traumatic everything is for you.

My care has been amazing. They gave me 2 early scans before my 12 one.

I'm there for an appointment every 2 weeks now I've hit 20 weeks. The appointment is under the fetal medicine clinic and will be either a scan or blood test (my son died of a blood issue)

I had my first scan with my consultant at 16 weeks and appt with him at 18 weeks. That appt was tough as Williams notes were there - it was horrid seeing how enormous they were.

I had my first appt with community midwife as normal at 16 weeks and she has said I can go every week if I want for a listen.

Between the different people some weeks I'll be there every week which is fine by me!

I have a sands sticker on the front of my notes and also one on the section in the green booklet where you have to list previous children. It's great and everyone has been really mindful without me having to worry.

Everyone I have met has been amazing and I've found it helpful to only think as far as my next appointment.

Ultimately I know there is still nothing they could do to help this little one until 24 weeks so I'm still just riding time out - I have a scan next week at 22+4 and then 24 is my next 'target'

Consultant and I agreed on delivery at 37 weeks but to 'park' discussions about method of delivery etc until around 32 weeks so I don't have to focus on that yet which has helped enormously. They've said I can deliver however I want by the way I just don't want to talk about/plan it yet. That feels too much right now.

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