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Stressed out toddler!

(5 Posts)
Laura198333 Sat 13-May-17 02:42:53

Hi me and my partner are planning a baby. Took over a year as I'm type 1 insulin dependent diabetic! My partner has a nearly 4 year old who we have 6 days out of 7 ( rubbish mum don't ask! ) so we are looking for a bigger house in Durham to rent too and so been preparing 4 year old
For the changes. The 4 year old
However says he doesn't want a baby brother or sister he says he is our baby and why would we want another one?! So we are both really panicked about when I do fall pregnant and how the little one is gonna feel when we do have a baby! Especially
Worried about when the 4 year old has to go back to his mum (which he hates) and new baby stays wit me and his daddy! Why can't he stay with us like the new baby?! Putting loadsa stress on me as I don't want the little one to feel left out unloved of less then the perfect little boy he is!!!
Any advice would be amazing!!! Been googling step families and how to cope with new babies and getting nothing much back!!! We have decided to say the new baby is the 4 year olds though say it's his baby and he needs to help us look after it as we need his help
Massively, although knowing him he is very jealous and very much so wanting our attention 24/7 when he is with us ( due to his mum not giving him any attention ) so really worried this is the right thing to do until he is older!!!! Please some one please any advice or help would be pretty dam amazing no one I know is in this sitcho or has ever been!!!!confused

NotAnotherUserName5 Sat 13-May-17 04:57:41

First of all, you sound a lovely caring step mum thinking of his feelings like this. flowers

I don't have stepchildren, but I'm pregnant with my fourth and it's quite a common reaction of any child to say they don't want a new sibling. They do worry about being dethroned!
I wouldn't tell him you are planning on having a baby, but when you are pregnant I would gradually bring him around to the idea with books on being a big brother to start with, then the scan photo and telling him how he has an important job being the big brother. Feeling included in things like choosing baby a little teddy etc.

Children are very adaptable, so try not to worry too much.

Hopefully a step parent will be along soon for more advice!

Good luck ttc

vfoster Sat 13-May-17 07:02:41

I have a three year old and we're expecting our second in July. She never said she didn't want a baby but I also read a lot online before telling her and so we have:
- gave her a gift on Xmas eve and said it was from her baby brother or sister. Family we're around so she saw everyone excited and happy
- we read books, her favourite was 'There's a House Inside My Mummy'
- we took her to a scan so she could see the baby
- we always ask her the type of things she would like to do with the baby and explain she will have to teach the baby everything as she's such a clever and important big sister
- we've bought other gifts for things like Valentine's Day from the baby and she always remembers. Every time she watches her Trolls DVD she says, 'this is from my baby'.
I was really stressed before telling her too as she was so used to being 'our baby'. She actually started calling the baby 'my baby' all on her own. She took a scan picture to nursery for show and share and tonal her friends it was then her baby and she was quite proud!
Recently, we've noticed some attention seeking behaviour which is quite out of character which could be down to some issues with the baby soon to arrive...but could also just be being a three year old!
I've also been reading that we should have a gift from the baby when they first meet and at the hospital we shouldn't be holding the new baby when she arrives. Baby in the cot and then she thinks she's the first person to touch/bond. Not sure what to do about that yet!
Best of luck, I remember being really stressed but it actually went a million times better than I expected.

Oysterbabe Sat 13-May-17 07:24:43

Our toddler will only be 2 when the baby arrives but we're already a bit concerned about it. She is just the centre of everything atm and it's going to be tough to share the limelight. We're planning to start reading books with her like What's in Mummy's Tummy? And buy her gifts for when the baby arrives. My friend bought her toddler a doll and pram from the baby and she'll sit with her on the sofa and pretend to breastfeed her doll while my friend is feeding. It is difficult to know what to do for the best.

10storeylovesong Sat 13-May-17 08:35:09

Slightly different as not a step child so obviously your situation is more complicated, but my 4 year old said exactly the same thing. He was a bit indifferent when first told him I was pregnant but we didn't make a fuss and just let him come around to the idea in his own time. I'm now 20 weeks and he's telling everyone he meets that he's having a baby brother and keeps telling me all the things he's going to teach him. He's very excited now.

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