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6m preg, in a new town and partner never around.

(4 Posts)
khscinema Sun 07-May-17 19:16:41

Hi all,

My first post here so please forgive me if I'm posting in the wrong place or whatnot.

So after a couple of decades in London my partner and I moved to a small countryside town as he got a live in job managing a pub. My career has always been pretty strong and I'm the main breadwinner, this job was a last resort for him after 9 months of struggling to find work and me supporting us, so we went for it.

I found a similarly well paid job here, but on my first week found out I was pregnant. A surprise but a happy one. The reason I'm here is to ask advice on this. He's never here.

Thing is, he's not managed a pub before and it's a huge contrast to our life as it was. He's always always working even tho he's only expected to do a 40hr week. And even when he's finished his shift, say this evening, we'd planned to have a roast he'd bring up when he finished at 6pm. He turns up 6:45 because he was chatting/ having a pint. I've been on my own all weekend (day and eve), and that's just becoming the norm as his staff just don't turn up when they're hungover.

We fight about this all the time. We spend zero time together and when we do he's always tired, or fussing about his job, or getting pissed. Irony is my job has way more responsibility and I'm paid £12k more but can separate my work and life.

He genuinely just doesn't think about how it is for me; my first preg at 40. It's horrible and I'm totally alone. We fight and then seem to reach a resolution but he goes and does the same things over and over. He just doesn't see it. I'm worried about the future for our kid - is he going to be the same, never here? It's also the crappest feeling on earth being pregnant and supposedly one of the happiest times of life and I'm miserable. We've also stopped having sex as he finds it 'weird'.

We live in the pub, but obv I can't drink or really enjoy it and there isn't the physical separation. We've had literally 3 weekends together in 7 months. I've tried helping him with staffing and scheduling but the reality is that everyone else and everything else comes above our relationship. When we talk about this he says he understands and will change it but never does. We argue every week about this and it just doesn't seem like there is going to be an end. I'm desparate for him to be here it's such a magical time and I've got no one to share it with.

I'm stuck and isolated. any suggestions or advice would be hugely appreciated xx

JoJoSM2 Sun 07-May-17 19:59:57

I'm sorry you're in this situation. Is he just not ready for a baby or this level of commitment?

kcinema Sun 07-May-17 20:10:40

He says he is and I honestly believe him. Guess his actions aren't reflecting it... he's just so obsessed with his job...

kcinema Sun 07-May-17 20:10:52

And he's about to turn 40

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