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OH wants to keep baby's sex a secret from everyone

(49 Posts)
Jellybabie3 Sun 07-May-17 09:41:47

Just wondering if others have done this/will do this. My partner is very keen go find out the sex of the baby tomorrow. I probably wouldve waited but having seen how important it is for him, i have agreed (i wasnt fixated on the idea of waiting). This weekend hes mentioned it would be good to not tell friends and family the sex - to keep it our secret. I get what he means as I was strangely disappointed to tell everyone we pregnant as i had really enjoyed being in our little bubble until that point! I just think it will be really hard and p**s people off who were expecting to know tomorrow (aka the mothers). Just wondered what other people did/found it?

AyeAmarok Sun 07-May-17 09:52:46

I think people who do this are a bit annoying really, sorry!

Either find out, or don't. But finding out and then whipping up the drama by not telling people is a bit attention-seekingy...

But maybe I've had my perspective clouded as the only people I've known to do this are the sort of knobs who also did weekly posts on Facebook of "Ooooh bought Bubba's car seat/first outfit/pram/moses basket today, but is it pink or blue!?!?!?" complete with photo of said item in a bag, with the colour hidden. Then lots of comments to people saying "Nope I'm definitely not telling you, you'll need to wait for the surprise 😍😍😍 xxxx"

Who. Cares.

But maybe if you didn't do that, it wouldn't be so bad.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

Heratnumber7 Sun 07-May-17 09:57:12

I can't see the point of knowing but then not telling people. It's not like you have a range of options. It's either a boy or a girl, and it's pretty much a 50/50 chance of either.

SuperBeagle Sun 07-May-17 09:58:00

I can understand not telling people the name beforehand (because you'll get every Tom, Dick and Harry's opinion on the name), but I don't understand keeping the sex a secret when you know it.

I didn't find out the sex of any of mine, but if I had, I would've told people because why not?

NellieFiveBellies Sun 07-May-17 09:58:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lemondrop09 Sun 07-May-17 10:00:20

I know someone who did this and they seemed terribly smug about this secret only they knew. It was irritating

If you do this, I would suggest telling everyone that you haven't found out the sex and then keeping the secret to yourselves.

SunshineDeLaSoul Sun 07-May-17 10:01:46

Yeah I would be pissed off if I was your mum.

MongerTruffle Sun 07-May-17 10:02:10

I don't get the reasoning behind doing that.

Empireoftheclouds Sun 07-May-17 10:03:28

Bottom line is nobody really cares. He may think he is bigging it up with the secret but realistically people just go 'oh right, cool' when they find out what you are having. It means pretty much nothing to anyone but you guys. I would be a bit hmm at someone keeping a secret that's so irrelevant tbh

FrenchMartiniTime Sun 07-May-17 10:05:30

It's very attention seeking and will make you look like twats.

It's like someone saying 'I have a big secret but I'm not telling you'

Well why bother telling me in the first place?!


DoctorDonnaNoble Sun 07-May-17 10:05:41

We told immediate family but not everyone. I didn't want to be inundated with pastel blue and questions about the name. I didn't cause drama, just didn't mention it.

Jellybabie3 Sun 07-May-17 10:06:04

Lol fair enough. I dont really get it either. Maybe baby will have their legs crossed!

kmmr Sun 07-May-17 10:07:28

DH insisted on this and it annoyed me the whole pregnancy. I had to keep checking what I said and being careful. Next time I'd either tell or not find out myself!
And I'm sure I came across as smug and annoying.

ememem84 Sun 07-May-17 10:07:57

We're finding out next week if we can and are going to tell people. Mostly because we're both so rubbish at keeping secrets it'd slip out anyway.

Either way I'm not bothered I'm excited to buy baby's first outfit (either a super pink girly dress or a blue boy outfit).

gamerchick Sun 07-May-17 10:08:06

Save yourself the headache. If he wants to be a cock about it then tell him you would in that case not find out at all at the scan and he can wait like everyone else.

ifeelcraptonight Sun 07-May-17 10:09:07

Tell everyone you didn't ask and don't post pink/blue bedroom decor etc.

Ecureuil Sun 07-May-17 10:09:21

We found out and didn't tell anyone, but also didn't tell anyone that we'd found out. So we didn't look smug or anything like that as no one knew that we knew. We just said 'no we didn't find out' and left it at that.
The reason we did this is because DH's family are very snobby about people finding out the sex and we couldn't be bothered with the comments. I wasn't fussed whether we found out or not but DH wanted to, so this just worked out the easiest all round.

AvoidingCallenetics Sun 07-May-17 10:11:23

Yes, definitely don't do that thing where you tell people that you know, but won't be telling them. That will piss off your mums!
If you want to keep it secret, pretend you don't know.

AJMcF Sun 07-May-17 10:11:44

We did find out but told everyone we hadn't. We did this with all our children. It allowed us to prepare for the DC without having the pressure of people asking and also having everyone be surprised.

When people said 'oh you must know' we just responded with '10 fingers 10 toes it won't bother us'

If people know you are finding out I think it is all or nothing I'm afraid.

juneau Sun 07-May-17 10:14:43

Pfft - its your baby - do what you want. We found out with DS2 and my dad actually didn't want to know! So we kept it a secret from him and my step-mum, as per their wishes. So much about pregnancy is public these days - I loved the secrecy of those early weeks too and I didn't want to find out the sex either time for the same reason.

juneau Sun 07-May-17 10:15:12

It was DH who wanted to know second time around - that's the only reason we found out.

Topseyt Sun 07-May-17 10:16:47

I don't get this. If you know what the sex is then why not tell people if they ask. Especially tell your parents.

I would have told my DH that if I had specifically asked and been told then I would be telling anyone I saw fit to tell if I thought they would really be interested.

In truth, beyond grandparents and perhaps your immediate siblings, few people are really at all interested. Pointless pretending otherwise and he will look like an idiot bigging up some massive classified secret.

CainDinglesLeatherJacket Sun 07-May-17 10:21:17

On the flip side, I can sort of see where your OH is coming from. However, if you do go down this route, don't tell anyone that YOU know the sex. Just find out, then don't mention it. No keeping it smug, no dropping hints, just "we decided last minute that we didn't want to know, sorry", and carry on.

Hollyhop17 Sun 07-May-17 10:23:37

Its pretty weird to be honest. Find out or dont, but there is no point in knowing but not telling anyone, especially parents. It isnt a huge surprise really, everyone knows it is only 1 of 2 choices...

Smallangryplanet Sun 07-May-17 10:24:12

If you both agree, I think it's fine to find out and then not to tell anyone. He might think it's sweet. You don't owe anybody an explanation.

We didn't find out and it was a lovely surprise. I think it would be quite hard not to slip up.

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