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The Highs and Lows - Pregnancy after loss/infertility

(4 Posts)
GibraltarRocks Tue 25-Apr-17 12:32:22

I thought I would start this thread because pregnancy after a lot of bad fertility evidence and early miscarriages has shaken up quite a range of emotions.

The Highs:

Walking out with a Bounty Pack! Amazing feeling - It made me feel 'wow, this is it. I am not a fraud. I am pregnant!'

My scans at 5, 8 and 10 weeks looking perfect and seeing little baby grow and develop.

Instead of ringing relatives to say it's all over, and feeling like you've let everyone down again, ringing them to say 'baby is doing well!' or 'everything looks perfect!'

For me, I was so happy Midwife was asking me everything under the sun at my booking appointment, in my head I always thought ''she won't bother asking that, she may be 50/50 if the baby will even make it so what's the point?''

The scan pictures. Amazing. Seeing baby wiggle - Out of this world.

The Lows:

Never really feeling relaxed at any stage of the pregnancy.

Every niggle/slight possible cramp feeling was/is a nightmare. It sets you on edge with worry.

Bleeding. Had this at just gone 7 weeks with my healthy baby. This was always the start of devastating news for me before.

Family and close friends anxiousness along with yours in the very early days.

I can imagine all this may be very different, depending on past experience etc.

Feel free to add to the lists smile

10storeylovesong Tue 25-Apr-17 13:10:14

I know exactly how you feel. I'm currently 17+2 after 3 years of secondary infertility and 4 early mc. My ds was born at 27 weeks so I'm classed as high risk throughly as well.

I'm so so happy to be pregnant but can't get excited. On top of horrendous sickness and low blood pressure making me feel rotten anyway, I just can't enjoy any of it. Just feel like it's going to end at any time - I just can't picture myself holding a healthy baby at the end of it. I've got terrible insomnia and when I do sleep I have flashbacks and nightmares, which usually results in me waking up scared I'm lay in a puddle of blood which is how it started with my ds. I've not even had my 16 week apt which is booked for when I'm 19 weeks as the hospital are running behind, so no one to talk to about it.

Everyone in RL thinks I'm being over sensitive and should just be grateful to be pregnant.

GibraltarRocks Tue 25-Apr-17 13:31:57

10storey Congratulations on your pregnancy flowers

I am sorry a lot of what you're going through is pants. May I ask if you're based in/right near London?

I am actually based in the South East/EastEnd of London but referred myself to Chelsea and Westminster. Their appointment timing is fab and if I am due to be seen at 1PM, I get seen at 1PM. Midwives and even the Pathologists are lovely too and listen/very understanding.

Got flammed terribly by family for thinking anywhere else is 'beneath me' hmm

I hope a little more light in terms of possitivey comes your way. It's bloody hard though. I lost twins at 15.5 weeks and that too started with a pool of blood. I don't feel so bad about that though since I know the reason why it happened. Early pregnancies are different though and completely nerve wracking for me.

People in RL should get their nose out and appreciate the sheer fucking suffering and emotional termoil you're in.

Here's too a healthy pregnancy and birth for you, all the way through.

10storeylovesong Wed 26-Apr-17 11:39:57

Thank you gibraltar - all the best of luck to you in your pregnancy as well. I'm so sorry to hear about your twins.

I think that's part of it, they never found out what caused my prem birth (I had a blood clot but they don't know what caused that) which they keep saying is a good thing as it's not likely to recur, but for me it just makes it possible to happen again and nothing that can stop it.

That hospital sounds fantastic. I'd definitely keep going there if I were you - sod whatever anyone else thinks! Unfortunately I'm in the northwest - not quite the same facilities up here.

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