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Comments from mil about my pregnant body

(56 Posts)
user1485778793 Sun 23-Apr-17 18:57:23

I'm 29 weeks pregnant and went to a family celebration last weekend with the in laws. I'd been in their car 2 minutes before I'd been insulted twice by my mil about my body. My baby has a severe heart defect and I'm already feeling bad that I haven't been able to produce a 'perfectly' healthy baby. I can't deal with her. She has been crying constantly since we found out about the babys heart, even though my and my partner have come to terms with it and are now enjoying this little baby. She announced to everyone at the event that I was defiantly stacking weight on....I've actually only put a few pounds on, only my tummy, every where else is same as before.

I'm not sure whether to confront her or just ignore. She is an exceptionally controlling woman anyway. Sil says she won't change. My mother is mortified at how rude she is. I'm not a confrontational person but I'm so upset. I saw her the following day and couldn't bare to look at her.

ChickenBhuna Sun 23-Apr-17 19:00:05

Was your partner there to hear this?

Thinkingblonde Sun 23-Apr-17 19:01:54

Tell her to keep her body shaming comments to herself. Or if you are too polite to say it yourself get DH to do it for you.
Rude woman.

fuzzywuzzy Sun 23-Apr-17 19:02:28

I'd stop seeing her frankly.

What a horrible witch of a woman making it all about her.

Good luck with your baby, my cousins baby was born with a heart defect so was my best friends and a work colleagues. Their babies all needed ops very soon after birth but the children have all grown up strong and healthy and are in their teens now.

CuppaTeaTeddy Sun 23-Apr-17 19:03:03

Tell her to piss off. She sounds horrible. Try not to see her very much from now on? She might be a bit nicer if you're not around as much.

ImperialBlether Sun 23-Apr-17 19:03:22

I'm so sorry about your baby's heart and hope the doctors will be able to work wonders on him/her.

I think for your own mental health (and therefore physical health) you should keep away from her. There's no reason why you should be with such a spiteful woman.

EweAreHere Sun 23-Apr-17 19:09:17

Why hasn't your DH told her to put a sock in it?

I hope your baby is being monitored and will be well looked after when born. It's amazing what medicine can do now. xx

Disastronaut Sun 23-Apr-17 19:10:38

Yeah, keep away from her, for the duration of your pregnancy at least. You've got enough to think about without her crap. Hope everything goes well with the rest of your pregnancy.

Crumbs1 Sun 23-Apr-17 19:11:07

A simple "Are you intending to be offensive?" usually does the trick.

bibbitybobbityyhat Sun 23-Apr-17 19:13:18

Avoid her because it is causing you stress!

What is the care package for you and your baby?

befuddledgardener Sun 23-Apr-17 19:14:58

don't see her for ages each time she's rude

Hollyhop17 Sun 23-Apr-17 19:18:55

Where an earth is your DH?! I'd be asking him to have a stern word, she sounds awful.

I am sure your baby will get excellent care and be just fine. Best of luck.

ememem84 Sun 23-Apr-17 19:22:57

My mil has said things about me being pregnant. Things which come across in one way as being kind and caring and the other as most def not. Things like "oh she'll struggle with her weight now, she was always so skinny" "oh wont it be a shame when you have to go up a dress size" etc.

Dh has pointed out to her that no I won't struggle with it and no it's not a shame. Y

MamaHanji Sun 23-Apr-17 19:24:27

My toddler goes into a short time out when she is being rude and misbehaving.

I'd try this approach with the nasty old bag. Except longer than 1-2 minutes.

Congratulations on your pregnancy and for dealing with the news so well.

Silverthorn Sun 23-Apr-17 19:33:49

My uncle is in his 50s and was born with a hole in his heart. This is a very commonplace procedure these days so try to stay positive.
Mil on the other hand sounds like a treat. I would start distancing yourself from her or establishing boundaries otherwise she'll be a PITA when baby is born.

user1485778793 Sun 23-Apr-17 19:46:31

Thanks for replies. We're supposed to be going away with them next weekend but I'm going to tell my partner it's causing too much stress so I'm not going. He says she's a very loving family orientated person, but I don't see it. I know she loves her family but she's a dictator and rude. She decided the sex of our baby was a secret and didn't want to know when we found out...she was pissed off when my mum knew and posted it on FB....I wasn't going to put my miles controls over anyone else

Baby will need a 3 stage open heart procedure when he's born. Hopefully he will be fit enough for the procedure to be carried out. If not it will be comfort care which we don't really want.

Montsti Sun 23-Apr-17 20:06:13

I'm sorry to hear about your baby boy..but praying for a successful op when he's born.

You're dining the right thing avoiding seeing your mil - unnecessary stress in you and baby...

Mils can be a nightmare! I remember as I sat struggling to bf DS (my 1st child) when he was a week old and conscious that I still had a good 3 stone to lose and clearly not 100% and VERY stressed, mil piped up and told me how she prided herself on losing all her pregnancy weight and fitting into her pre-pregnancy clothes when she left the hospital after all 3 of her babies!! Bitch!!

user1485778793 Sun 23-Apr-17 20:38:21

Why are there so many mil's in particular that are so mean? Are they showing off or something?

LookImAHooman Sun 23-Apr-17 20:51:11

Can't help you on that one. Mine's probably clinically batshit, no exaggeration just evil with it to boot. Something about another woman taking their boy away? Anyway - actually came here to say stay away from the loon and am crossing everything for your baby boy flowers

DirtyDancing Sun 23-Apr-17 21:01:08

Sorry to hear about your babies heart defect, but huge well done for getting your head around this. You are going to be an amazing mum I am sure. It might be your MIL is still coming to terms with this, and everyone handles things differently. Honestly, I think some Grandparents love this grandchildren more than their children!! I'm sure my mum does she is obsessed with my DS grin

If you MIL has said something, public, about your body that has upset you, then your partner needs to speak to her about it. My DH and I have a rule he deals with his mum, I deal with mine. We are lucky we have fairly good Mums.. but sometimes issues crop up. It's worked for us so far for 13 years.

user1485778793 Sun 23-Apr-17 21:45:38

We've talked. I'm not going away. He's going to explain why if they ask, he's still going which I don't mind tbh. He's going to tell her not to say anything if she can't say anything nice. He got the message when I told him I'd had to go on anti depressants which I've been on before but I've started taking them again because of feeling anxious recently

CuppaTeaTeddy Sun 23-Apr-17 22:16:16

Glad you've been able to talk about it and he understands. Just ignore whatever she says. She doesn't seem like a good person to be around. You've got a lot to deal with without people being horrible about you and your family. I hope everything is okay xx

user1485778793 Mon 24-Apr-17 00:37:08

I'm beginning to worry about birth..I know that's normal, this is my first baby so I want as few negative people about as possible.

It's caused a bit of friction between me and my partner. She obviously has an issue with me. But I'm not backing down, I don't need her, but I fully support their relationship, not that she has been of any support whatsoever to him since we had the heart defect detected, his parents don't acknowledge it or speak of it, they just cry.

newbian Mon 24-Apr-17 01:46:34

I have maybe 2-3 mum friends who don't have line-crossing MILs. In all cases (including my own) she was fairly normal until we had a child and then she became emotional, jealous, etc. I almost feel like there should be therapy offered to mothers of sons to prepare them for becoming a grandmother. Because it really seems like a switch is flipped and they lose all sense of what is appropriate in how to deal with their DIL.

Stay away from her and draw lines in the sand NOW. I had to and glad I did, there were tears and shouting but now I don't get bullied anymore. Your child and your life, she is not going to control it.

HorridHenryrule Mon 24-Apr-17 01:55:34

User do you have your parents close by for support while he's away with mummy. flowers

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