Im pregnant but focusing on things that happened over 7 years ago... Help?(4 Posts)
Over the last 7 or 8 years I've been trying to block everything out that happened. and for the most part it worked. But the past few months have been tough. I found out I'm pregnant, I'm going to be a single mum, and I'm so terrified that the same things will happen to my child. I'm 16 now. When I just turned 8 I moved home. I met this really nice girl who lived two doors away from me. She was 13. We went to the same school, we spent most days together. After a few months, I'd stayed at her house a couple of times and vice versa. We used to play mums and we'd give birth to my dolls . It was weird but it was how we played. I stayed over one night and she kissed me. I thought she was playing so I thought nothing of it. The next time I stayed she dry humped me. This continued and got more graphic each time. She touched my private area one time. I felt dirty but I didn't know why. It effected my relationship with men and women. I have since grown a sexual preference to women, even though I have little to no romantic attraction. I was also pressured into sex with a 17 year old when I was 13. It wasn't rape. I'd never call it that. But he made me feel guilty until I said yes. Since these two incidents, I've found it difficult to have intimate relationships with people. I usually turn to casual sex. Older men like that so they usually come to me and ask. They offer me money, and gifts. It doesn't feel right when i do it. But I do anyway... But now I've stopped. It's not just my life anymore it's a baby's too... I really don't want them to go through this too.... I just want to know if this is something I should mention to my psychologist...? Was this sexual abuse?
Firstly I am sorry for everything you have been put through!
Secondly, Pregnancy brings up all kinds of emotions and anxieties you have managed to hide over the years, I woke up in the middle of the night thinking of all sorts of horrible things I remember from my childhood (Very similar to yours but mine was by 2 family members). There were even memories I had forgotten about which resurfaced!
The important thing is you need to work with your Psychologist to deal with this all in the best way you can. Also when you go to your booking in appointment make sure you get a referral to a mental health midwife. Your babies life is not guarenteed to be identical to yours in any way and you can use your experience to stop things like that ever happening to your baby.
Also you will be a great mother, this is shown in the amount of worry and love you have for your child already!
Do you have enough people around you to support you as a single mother? I have had friends who have been 17 when gave birth and some of them stuck it through with a partner and some found that the partner was more of a hinderance and went at it alone!
I would sugges that if you know who the babies father is (and there is nothing to indicate you don't) That you at least let him know that you are keeping the baby and that you would appreciate his support, he might laugh in your face and say he does not want to help but at least you have an answer for your child then and you know where you stand!
You can do this I promise!!
Where is your own mum and dad OP? Do you still live at home? Do they know what you've been going through?
Being sexualised at a young age can lead to all sorts of inappropriate sexual behaviour in your early teenage years. The important thing is that you have chosen to move on from this behaviour. I would definitely discuss this with your psychologist.
From your post it does sound like sexual abuse.
As you are still only 16 now - have you discussed this with your parents (if they are approachable) and in the picture or a teacher (as you are probably only year 11 and undergoing exam stress too).
You need to make a midwife appointment and bring this up with them - so they can put in place referrals to the right people to support you. No one will judge, they want to support and help you - honestly, as a health care professional they really do, so trust them. Be open and be honest - you sound articulate in your post and you understand the implications of what happened and what could have happened.
Be brave - you are not alone!
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