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Pregnant and freaking out

(13 Posts)
26andconfused Tue 18-Apr-17 00:36:19

Ok I'll try and keep this short!
I'm confused, scared, stressed and lost. I'm 26, I have an ok job but live in a flat share. My boyfriend is 42 -and was my close friend for 2 years and this has developed into a relationship over 10 months. I only told my mum about him 3 months ago as my family are Catholic and a bit funny about men in my life!

I recently found out I'm pregnant. I am terrified to tell my mum as she will be so incredibly dissapointed in me. I'm worried about money. My boyfriend said he's there for me so that's something - but he's never been sure he wants kids, particularly without money. He works but it's not amazing pay as its freelance. I'm also studying part time.

I can't decide whether to abort or bite the bullet and go through with it. What are your experiences? Any similarities? And if you ever had an abortion how did you feel about it after? Lots of love X

ew1990 Tue 18-Apr-17 00:40:28

I'm 26 and bf 46, not the same situation as we live together and been trying to conceive and recently fell pregnant, only you can make this decision, go with your heart you don't want an abortion only to regret it straight after

26andconfused Tue 18-Apr-17 03:16:33

Yes part of me knows I want to be a mum but I am in no way ready emotionally and financially. My family have not met my boyfriend. I know my mum especially (who is a real hot head and extremely difficult woman) will be livid with me. She often talks about how irresponsible couples are for having children young with no money. I am finding it hard to even think of facing her or breaking it to her. I keep having panic attacks. I told my sister who reacted badly at first, but then said she would support me whatever, even come with me to have an abortion and that an abortion wouldn't make me a bad person.

26andconfused Tue 18-Apr-17 05:01:13

Does anyone have any experience with this kind of thing? I feel so alone

AKAmyself Tue 18-Apr-17 06:55:24

Dear 26, first of all I'm sorry you find yourself in this situation. I can very much relate to the confusion and heartbreak you are going through. May I suggest you ask for your post to be moved to the "pregnancy choices" section? It sounds like you are considering your options - you will find a lot of balanced advice and support there.

For now just remember you have options - be kind to yourself and give yourself time to listen to what your heart is telling you

LynetteScavo Tue 18-Apr-17 07:27:17

I don't think this has anything to do with your mother. You're a grown up and you shouldn't make decisions based on whether your mother would approve or not. Having said that the people I know from catholic families who have been terrified of telling their families they were pregnant have been very pleasantly surprised by their reaction.

Are you able to support a child, realistically? Would moving in with your partner be an option?

ImYourMama Tue 18-Apr-17 07:30:25

I had my first baby at 24 and absolutely adore her, personally I don't think babies cost much, second hand stuff and breast feeding really keep costs down. If you are confident in your own life and abilities then you can absolutely do this. Make the right choices for you.

26andconfused Tue 18-Apr-17 08:05:23

Thank you all so much for your sweet and kind messages.

Quick update, I spoke to baby father this morning on the phone after he had finished a night shift. He was getting angry, saw a side I've never seen before. He kept saying 'it will be fine, we will sit down and logically talk about it'. I conveyed I felt scared and alone and he just kept shouting 'I'm knackered, there's nothing I can do right now because I'm not with you'. My heart sank. I'm not sure he has the patience to be a father a be disturbed night and day....

confusedat23 Tue 18-Apr-17 10:05:39

26 you need to put this in pregnancy options instead... however i don't think you can base your decision of the fact that he got Angry because you were consistently moaning at him after a night shift. how would you feel if you were responsible for putting someone in your sutuation and they just kept on moaning whilst you were tired... he has offered you the solution of sitting down and going through it so at least give the bloke a chance!

Sorry if this annoys you OP i just think you need to calm down properly and discuss this face to face with your partner

LilRemz Tue 18-Apr-17 10:46:01

Hi hun...I have been in a slight situation like this but with less help from the father...I've had an abortion because I felt to young and wasn't ready etc...

I felt so low and hated that I had gone thru it expecially because I thought it was the better option for everyone else and not really for me...

You really need to do what you think is best for you...I now have 2 beautiful daughters and till this day still kills me that I had an abortion all because I was worried what family thought or the father...remember whatever choice you make you will have to life with that...and lot of people wanting kids or have kids are not really in the perfect work/ don't let that bring you down...

Do you you fill is right in your heart and for yourself anyone can say do this do that...but it's you that will have to deal with it all at the end of the day x

LilRemz Tue 18-Apr-17 10:51:51

Also I had my first at age 22 was still at uni...and had my second at 24 and yes I don't think it cost much to have a child either it's all about

26andconfused Tue 18-Apr-17 13:59:30

Thank you all for your stories and experiences, feel very lucky to have heard them, whatever I decide to do x

october17baby Tue 18-Apr-17 14:20:21

Hey Hun
Here if you want to chat xx

I have had two abortions first when I was 19 second when I was 22 (failed contraception) I had the abortions because they wanted me too and I felt incredibly depressed about it after ..... however over time I realised it really was the best thing to do those men were not behaving the way I needed them too and I was not ready too have them at all emotionally. I am now 4 months pregnant at and have a great boyfriend who isn't perfect but who is. He also gets grumpy when he's done a night shift or is tired so don't take that for real feelings we're all human xx if you decide to have an abortion please make sure it is for your benifit and no one else's as although I know I did the right thing I still was depressed about it for a very long time. If you do decide to do it I would suggest doing it quickly. never looking at scans etc m. If you decide to keep it, it has f all to do with your mother and honestly if she has a problem
With it tell her to get out your life. Remember this is your choice your body and your baby so please only make your decisions for you xxx

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