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Breaking things off with New boyfriend after this.. ?(46 Posts)
WARNING LONG POST!! (and slightly personal) I have posted this here due to being 8 months pregnant (if that effects this situation) and on AIBU because I honestly didn't know what this falls under, Sorry
So, I recently started seeing someone, I am currently pregnant with my ex's baby, but that ended a long time ago as he started drinking excessively and becoming physically abusive (this only started after I got pregnant). Anyway..
We wen't out yesterday for our normal date/day, And before we even made it to lunch, He had already drunk 3 (alcoholic) drinks and already slightly drunk (He hadn't eaten all day) and tried to get all Touchy. I wouldn't have minded, but things like trying to stick his hand down my trousers in a fully packed restaurant in front of people made me uncomfortable. I told him this, and he wouldn't stop.
Admittedly, The night before we are talking quite rudely :$ but I made clear to him nothing would happen the next day due to the fact we were going to be in public and I'm not comfortable with being sexual in public.. plus I'm 8 months pregnant.. and even though we talk rude sometimes, He knows full well im not ready for physical stuff at the moment, Something he says he understands and will wait for. Yes, I was beginning to feel comfortable with the idea of sex with him, but now I have just lost all trust.
During dinner he would ''playfully'' (to him, but not me) dig his nails into my hand or bite my fingers to the point of really hurting me and then made a comment about ''How can I be submissive during sex if I couldn't handle him being dominant''. It's a completely different situation.
We decided to go for a walk and ended up in another pub where he had another 4 drinks. But this time, he was slurring words, Walking into doors.. he was drunk, But whenever I tried to say ''We should call it a day..(even though it was only 4 o'clock in the afternoon and we only met up at 12.30pm) He would tell me to stop making comments about him drinking because it made him feel bad. This was all just putting me in a bad place as it was like being with my ex again.
Nether the less, I didn't stand up and leave.. mainly because i'd have felt bad leaving him there like that.
Soon the conversation turned into ''I think we should get a hotel next week''. I tried to shrug the conversation off as it wasn't the time nor place, It turned into him TELLING me that once my son was born, I should go on birth control because he didn't want kids. I explained that I couldn't take the pill (as I tried before and it didn't react well to my body) and the idea of the implant or coil wasn't something I liked.. But said I'd think about it. He just continued to pressure me, Until I just shut down and stopped talking until he got the message and dropped it.
He decided to miss his bus and stay longer, Which I didn't like because it meant he had to spend a ton of money on taxi's to get home.. and I just wanted to go home at this point. We went for a walk, hoping that maybe we could just .. be normal for a bit, But then he suggested another pub. I completely shut down the idea (though he wouldnt stop suggesting it) and we went and sat down by the river.
Thats when things just got to much for me. He kept asking me to put my hand down his trousers and touch him, I kept saying no, He tried to force my hand and I pulled away. He started getting a little too rough and hurting me (By grabbing my hands or gripping my chin for kisses). When we were sat down, Despite me saying No, Stop, He shoved his hand down my trousers.
He started asking for ''proper'' kisses, which were kissing with tongue, Not something I've ever liked, and again, I said no. I didn't want to and just from kissing his lips, I could smell and taste the alcohol, At which point, He grabbed my face and tried to force his tongue into my mouth, I pushed him away but he wouldn't stop, eventually, I had to scream for him to stop, and he did. I started crying and he apologized and told me not to shout ''Stop or No'' because we were in public and people were looking. I felt completely unsafe.
After that I was pretty cold towards him while he kept saying sorry and I walked back to my bus to go home. He came with because he didn't want me to walk alone. I couldn't stop him, So I just ignored him.
He DID say how because he bought me an Easter egg, He deserved what he wanted and I shouldn't talk rude with him, if when we meet I wasn't going to do anything (though what we spoke about the night before had nothing to do with being anything when we met) . He made me feel like it was my fault and I was a tease or something, Which, Is playing on my mind. I just feel that... Even if we did talk a certain way the night before, Should It mean I should put up with that he did? Is it my fault? Was he this way simply because he had to much to drink?
To make it all worse, When I got home, My mum told me that our family dog had passed away while I was out, I was completely crushed, and I messaged him (IDK way, Maybe for someone to talk to) ... He has yet to reply. I messaged him again this morning and said we shouldn't be together anymore.
AIBU? Am I to blame for what happened? :'(
Not at all. Run for the hills. Do not expose your baby to this creep.
How long have you been with the chap? He's seems a right weirdo and you shouldn't be in a relationship with him. I might get shot down in flames here but I think it is really really weird to want to have sex with a woman who is pregnant with another man's baby. You CAN be on your own.
No you are not to blame.
You are right, you shouldn't be together any more.
He's an utter creep who thinks assaulting you is ok because he bought you chocolate.
Sounds like a selfish immature jerk, at best and the potential to be a controlling abusivr partner at worst. As others have said, run for the hills. You and you're baby don't need a man like this.
Have to agree with Gaston. Why are you back on the dating scene at 8 months pregnant?
Didn't want to read and run, OP all I can say is be as selfish as you can and get rid of this loser. You have a right and responsibility to keep yourself and your unborn baby safe from physical and emotional harm. Understand that you are strong enough to be on your own for a bit and concentrate on yourself and baby. This guy is bad news just like the ex you got away from.
He's abusive. Dump him and concentrate on your baby.
Sorry about your dog
God - so many red flags.
He sounds a total rapey bastard. Dump him and don't look back.
I agree with PP. He is seriously bad news in so many ways.
Run for the hills!!! This won't get any better no matter what he promises you. Focus on yourself and your little bundle of joy!
Thank you for so many replies so soon, And for the support. This isn't something I wanted to talk to my parents about as they have already given me a hard time, They didn't think I should date someone while pregnant and I guess they were right, Stupid me
I'm 22, He is 24.
He has never ever been this way before which is why Its really taken me by surprise, It put me in a bad place, Like I said it reminded me of when my ex. Plus, Part of me thinks it is my fault
But seeing so many people say the same thing, I'm going to keep away and focus on my little one. Thank you everyone x
He is all kinds of wrong. Abusive, alcoholic. And aside from that, you're pregnant and he doesn't want kids.
Please block his number and cut him out of your life. It's dangerous for you to be involved with him.
Sorry about your dog
He's basically coming at you wearing an outfit made of red flags and waving a red flag in either hand. With a t-shirt on which says 'I WILL TRY TO RAPE YOU THEN BLAME YOU FOR IT'.
Run like hell, then block him on all media.
He's a nasty controlling creep which consent issued.
Asking you to stop yelling "stop" in public. Why ? Because it looked like he was assaulting you. Because he was.
and for those wondering, I didn't meet him looking to date, I was in a bad place for months after my ex, and he was just a friend.. that eventually turned into dating. I told him from the start that I didn't think I could be physical with him until after the baby was born and he understood.. atleast I thought he did.
But please don't think I'm out there looking for dating, I'm definitely not I just thought he was a good guy and took a stupid chance that obviously backfired :'(
You definitely need to get him out of your life.
Did you mean to post this in two different sections? You'll get better (less confusing) responses if they are all on one thread.
Why would he think touching you sexually in public would be ok! This makes me so angry as you have escaped your ex and now someone else is trying to treat you like shit. NONE of this is your fault OP.
OP, block his number and never contact him again. He's a 24 year old man who doesn't seem to understand the idea of consent. It's irrelevant if you spoke 'rudely' with him....you said no. He's trying to pressure you into sexual contact because he bought you an Easter egg 😳 Seriously, if he tried that with me he would need an extremely skilled team of surgeons to remove said Easter egg.
You are not being unreasonable, you said no and we're clear. He doesn't seem to care if you consent to sexual contact or not and sounds like a rapist is all honesty. Get rid, there are wonderful, decent men out there who will listen to you and not try and pressure you. You and your son deserve better.
And....it's never unreasonable to expect a man to stop when you say no!
Please please get away from him.
I'm also concerned that you felt unable to leave despite his appalling behaviour - I assume this is related to your previous relationship because most people would have got up and left when he. Exams drunk.
Id suggest that you have some councilling to deal with this because that combined with you questioning if YOU did something wrong when it couldn't be more apparent you did not worries me and makes me think you would be a likely "victim" of sorts for a predatory man in another abusive relationship. These people are nasty and pick up on very subtle things. I believe your new partner is also abusive but hasn't shown his full potential yet.
I imagine he will be full of apologies today and promises that it will never happen again. Don't believe a word of it. Get rid immediately before he harms you.
It's all a bit weird IMO. Get rid of him, have your baby and go back to dating when you feel ready.
Concentrate on your little boy and keep that
absolute weirdo man away from him and you. The last thing you need is a controlling pushy boyfriend, You'll be fine on your own.
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