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Ever since I've found out I'm pregnant I've felt emotionless and I need help:(

(10 Posts)
user1489579566 Thu 13-Apr-17 19:19:28

Hey, this post has taken me a lot to write as it's something I'm not proud of and increasingly worried about...

Basically I found out I was expecting a baby about a month ago now, I am at university still and only 20 so it isn't the best time obviously but when is the right time, right?
Me and the father are together and we plan to keep the baby, he looks after me and has been supportive of my choices ever since the day we found out. We will figure out everything, work, uni, money etc over the coming months and just go with what feels right for our little family.

What is worrying me is that I don't have this maternal instinct I think I'm supposed to have, I don't feel over joyed, happy, nervous, sad, angry, anything I don't feel any emotions. Ever since I was a little girl I've loved babies and always wanted my own, I was never seen without a baby doll or two with me, even making my mum buy only real baby clothes for my dolls because to me at that age they were real so this is a shock for me that I feel nothing. I feel numb. I haven't told my mum yet but my boyfriends family KNOW and a few of my close friends and they're all excited and asking me loads of questions and asking me when my scan is, name ideas and all these lovely things but I feel like they're on this amazing train of excitement and joy that I really want to be on but instead of stopping to let me in it's just sped right past me and im just watching it drive off.
I havent even booked my first scan I keep putting it off for reasons I don't even know maybe I'm scared? Idk
My boyfriend says it hasn't sunk in for him yet but I think my problems are deeper than just waiting for it to sink in anymore....
I feel like I've already failed as a mother, I feel like I've dipped my head in the sand and I can't get it out again.
I know I want to keep the baby, it's not cold feet or second thoughts. It's hard to explain.
I hope someone can understand and can maybe offer their stories and advice please?

user1474439326 Thu 13-Apr-17 19:26:08

It takes a long time to sink in! Don't worry! I was panicking I wouldn't like having a baby as I never spoke to the bump etc but my daughter is now 1 and I'm obsessed smile

GastonsWife Fri 14-Apr-17 17:54:28

OP. My baby was unplanned. We found out about her really really late and I didn't really have time to consider my own feelings. Everyone was just so excited so at times I did feel like the decision had been made for me. I still feel a bit like I'm doing this for everyone else but I am very anxious about something going wrong so I think this might be slight maternal instincts kicking in! I hope when I see her it all clicks into place. Hope you feel better xx

emily127 Fri 14-Apr-17 20:41:05

I feel exactly the same! At first I thought it would go away once I hit 12 weeks but I still didn't feel as excited as everyone else around me (still don't at 21 weeks!). I think it's due to worry - it's kind of like a copying mechanism I've realised, I'm so much of a worrier and as it was so unexpected it's hard to imagine that there's going to be an actual baby at the end of it all. I think you expect to be so happy and overjoyed so when you don't, it's even worse because you're comparing yourself to how you think it 'should be' x

arrrtoodeetoo Fri 14-Apr-17 20:54:40

I felt completely indifferent in my first pregnancy and I wasn't even sure I liked kids, but when he arrived, oh my gosh, best thing ever! I also teach at university and have had students take time out on mat leave they've had no problems completing and are often far more dedicated and determined than their peers.

arbrighton Fri 14-Apr-17 21:29:15

Please please get the scan and midwife stuff sorted, to check baby is ok. That's a job to do, regardless of feelings. As is taking your folic acid and Vit D. Concentrate on the practical maybe, the feelings will develop

FWIW, I'm nearly 29 weeks, had 4 scans now, can feel kicks and it's still incredibly surreal.

DesertSky Fri 14-Apr-17 21:50:16

For me, even with 3 pregnancies it didn't seem real (even after the first scan) until I started feeling the baby move. Only then I could really comprehend there was a little life moving inside of me.
I think you're probably still a bit in shock and feeling overwhelmed. It's sounds like you've thought everything through and in a stable relationship etc. Once it's sunk in and you're a little further down the line, preparing for the baby's arrival will help make things feel more real and give you time to bond with him/her. I found out what sex I was having with mine and (for me) it helped with bonding as I then named them before they were born and talked to them using their name.
9 (or 8 months really from finding out) being pregnant is luckily quite a good length of time to prepare mentally and get your head around being a mum. Wishing you all the best.

haveacupoftea Sat 15-Apr-17 11:25:26

Please don't worry. I love babies and I know I will love my own but pregnancy is something you can never prepare for. It is very weird and unreal to think there is a baby inside you. It's normal not to feel excitement at the start to protect yourself in case anything goes wrong. It's also normal not to enjoy pregnancy - I know more women who say they hated it than who say they bloomed and loved it! The love for your baby will come, in time, when you allow it to. For now just get your booking in sorted and take your folic acid because your health and babies health is really important.

user1489579566 Tue 18-Apr-17 01:24:33

Thank you so much for your replies! I'm glad I'm not the only one who's felt this way haha I was feeling majorly guilty. I've booked my scan and will continue taking folic acid 😊 Hope it all clicks soon!

2017Babyontheway Thu 20-Apr-17 10:53:12

I am the exact same and please don't worry that the feelings you are having arnt normal.

My husband and I got married and decided I should come off the pill but it only took me a month to fall pregnant. Since then it has never sunk in that I am going to be a mum! I am 15 weeks and had my first scan and heard the heartbeat but it still doesn't feel real! Don't get me wrong, we are so lucky we didn't have months/years of trying and I am so grateful for that, but I think because I didn't have time to get my head around becoming a mum that I am now struggling!

I too feel like everyone is on the train of excitment! I'm getting constant messages from my parents, in laws etc and I can't bring myself to talk about things like names, maternity leave etc as it just doesn't feel real!
I even bit my mother in laws head off the other day as we were with my nephew and everything he did she kept saying 'this will be you soon, this will be your life soon' eventually I just cracked!

I openly admit I am not a maternal person, i love kids and know how to look after them but having one of my own is scary! I love my life with my husband and I think I am acted that it's never going to be the same again!

It's nice to know we are not alone and it a good to talk about these feelings otherwise you do feel like there is something wrong with you x

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