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Pregnant and all over the place

(14 Posts)
user1491994516 Wed 12-Apr-17 12:24:19

Hi,

This is my first Mumsnet post. Need to reach out because I have known about my pregnancy for around a week now and I am so completely up and down about it.

Me and my partner bought a house last year - we are both 28 and work full time. Although this pregnancy is unplanned, we always spoke about children and even decided to start trying at some point this year. We were relaxed about contraception because we always said that we would be fine if it happened. A few of our friends are already married, are trying and have not had any luck and so a part of us thought we'd take a while, too. I always feared this and did not want to leave it too long to start a family.

Now it has happened earlier than we anticipated, I am terrified. I have told close family because I thought I would need their support and they are all thrilled. They want to talk a lot about the baby and sometimes I can feel myself going along with it whilst feeling like I am drowning. I was so anxious to tell them and I can't shake the feeling of impending doom. I catch myself being baffled at their happy reactions. On the other hand, my partner has reacted really well and is excited. He has admitted that he is a little scared as well but can't wait at the same time. I want to be happy for him so we can share the excitement together. I feel angry with myself, selfish and like I'll never be a good mum if I can't even be happy at this stage.

I am dreading getting big, being out of control of my own body and being a bad mum. Can't shake the feeling that I'm not the 'Mum' type. I always liked beer gardens, dancing and being super career-busy all the time! I am terrified of telling work - I am a teacher with a leadership role and I feel like I have let my school down and have ruined my career.

More than anything, I am stressing about finances and our upcoming wedding. I'll be 20 weeks when we marry and am devastated that I won't fit in to my dress, I'll look awful and will be judged by people for 'the cart coming before the horse'.

Sorry for such a long post. I want to know if anyone else has felt like this, if this will pass and if anyone else was a clueless as I am now.

Lots of love!

newmumtobe86 Wed 12-Apr-17 12:29:44

Hi
I feel you!
I'm renting with my bf, we had already planned to go back to my parents for 6 months to get a house deposit saved and have a wedding booked for this year
I'm so happy to be pregnant (only found out 3 days ago) but feel like it's changed everything
I'll now be pregnant at my moms, saving and then the wedding....well I can't even think about that right now

I think it will take a while for it all to hit home
It's still new news!
We will be okay, everything tends to work itself out

How far gone are you? X

user1491994516 Wed 12-Apr-17 12:38:22

Hi,

I haven't had my dating scan yet but I know when our little mishap happened - it's been about 3 weeks smile

Your post has really helped and is so reassuring- I am thinking now that if I do anything drastic I might really regret my decision and this feeling could all be down to shock/hormones.

The wedding does complicate things! I keep thinking this is all my fault so there is an element of 'why have we been so stupid' because we could have avoided being in this situation!

I am sure we will both be fine and happily newly-married Mummies before we know it! I think I need to settle down and let it all sink in xxx

newmumtobe86 Wed 12-Apr-17 12:42:38

I think it is shock
I upset my bf because I wasn't happier and was talking about the negatives and not the positives
Don't let a bump put you off your wedding, there's some beautiful maternity wedding dresses, I'm sure you'll look fab
And the main thing is you'll be getting married
I'll have a 6 month old to look after at my wedding!! Lol x

user1491994516 Wed 12-Apr-17 12:47:47

You will be post-baby and look amazing and your little one can share the day with you which will make it even more special smile

I know what you mean, I upset the other half too when I have my ups and downs but I think it's different for us because we have that little life actually growing inside of us. I worry that I'll never be 'me' again if that makes any sense. I was happy with life and people keep telling me everything is going to change which is scary.

xx

Afreshstartplease Wed 12-Apr-17 12:49:11

First baby you might get away with same dress slightly adjusted

user1491994516 Wed 12-Apr-17 14:54:59

I really hope so! That would be wonderful if I could get away with it

newmumtobe86 Wed 12-Apr-17 15:06:57

It defo is
I said to my bf his life will change when it's here whereas mine changes now x

user1491994516 Wed 12-Apr-17 15:13:26

That's so true, even then it doesn't change half as much as ours will. I just keep thinking that I should feel happy because I have had 28 years of my life to be selfish and have fun and lots of people have way less time to get mentally ready than I have - I should feel ready! Guess I have had longer to do whatever I like and you get comfortable, I think I'd have dealt with this better if I were younger!

tatatetelle Wed 12-Apr-17 15:20:23

Deep breath lovely smile

It's all normal and will sink in with time, I'm 6 months pregnant, same age as you, career driven too and I can honestly tell you that to my surprise, I have not felt 'all over the place' nor am I becoming huge/humongous so far so don't panic! My moto is 'life with a baby can be as simple or as complicated as you make it', so we'll see in a few months, but I'm sure (I hope) it's all a matter of finding a new routine. Yes things will change but you can still have a great career, you can still travel, you can still have dinners out and see friends, so all in all not that bad.

And Afresh is probably right, 20 weeks down your first pregnancy, you can probably get your dress fitted! What type of dress is it?

EdgarAllenPoe Wed 12-Apr-17 15:36:51

I think it's normal to be worried about what sort of mum you'll be. That shows that you care, which is the most important part.

Of course life changes, some for the better, some for the worse. Having a baby doesn't necessarily mean your career is over, but you won't really know how you feel about it until the time comes. And there will come a time when you can have fun again, it just requires more organisation. Plus having a baby brings along all kinds of new fun you never had before.

As for the wedding, I'm sure you'll look gorgeous. A friend of mine got married with a very obvious bump (6 months along with twins) and looked stunning. Women of all shapes and sizes look gorgeous on their wedding day. Anyone who tells you otherwise isn't worth inviting!

Lozza1983 Thu 13-Apr-17 17:14:16

So pleased to have found this thread. I am 34 in June, myself and hubby have always been a bit un decided on kids but over time have realised we don't want to regret not having them and actually speaking to people it seems no one is ever truly "ready" for them. We decided to start trying at the start of this year, I was so excited and then on Friday I got a positive test! Well, since then I have been up and down like a yo yo, terrified, not sure it's what I want now but then moments of really wanting it. Hubby is happy and fine so it's all in my head! I suffer from anxiety anyway, came off my meds at the end of last year in preperation to start trying so I know a lot of this is my brain telling me I can't be a mum 😢 It's awful and I feel so guilty, I want this but I am just terrified I can't do it!!!
So to hear others are scared too makes me feel better. Xxx

Scroobius Thu 13-Apr-17 19:09:14

I was the same age as you OP when I had my first and exactly the same situation except I was only 6 weeks pregnant at my wedding. We decided to give up contraception for a bit and the next month I was pregnant! It was a shock that it happened so quickly and I felt like we weren't really trying so it shouldn't have. I think it can be hard when you and partner are almost alone in it at the beginning, especially if your friends are mostly childless as mine are. As you tell more people you'll have much more open conversations about what it's actually like. As far as career goes I think no matter how much gender roles change having a child has definitely changed my life more than my husband's. However, that has happened to me because it's completely changed what I care about, want to bother with, find fun so that hasn't been a bad thing just a big change. Also beer gardens are still fine as long as you find ones with playgrounds in wink

FlapAttack78 Fri 14-Apr-17 23:23:11

Don't be terrified.. it will be fine and you won't know what you did with your time before once they're here that could have been anywhere near as much fun! I was in the same position as you aged 25 and am now 29 wit number 2 on the way smile felt like you describe the first time haha. Don't panic too much.. I panicked and thought I should move closer to family and how wpuld I cope with a baby etc etc. . Be a strong unit and you will have a blast!

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