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(15 Posts)
OnNaturesCourse Tue 11-Apr-17 19:17:52

Im 7 weeks pregnant, already suffering with extreme tiredness and being super emotional, and my Mother has just had a heart attack. She had surgery today to try put a stent in however when she went in the damage was bad and they couldnt do it. They are now looking a triple heart bypass. I just feel like im slowly drowning yet at the same time feel like im being irrational. Im like a full balloon just ready to burst into tears all the time. My grandparent died of the same thing and im petrified, my mums so scared and upset ... I hate seeing her like this. Shes the one person i turn to for everything, one person i want to talk to just now but i cant as i cant let her see im worried. Im going back to work tomorrow, had a few days off when it happened, and i cant face it as i burst into tears whenever someone mentions my mum (everyone at work knows) One member of my family is really pushing for me to go back, remain normal and constant as they think not doing this would make mum worse. Also only my parents and DP know about this pregnancy so ive got limited support... My Mums been my anchor through it so far and im so lost. Should i tell more people about the pregnancy or take more time off work (and get a ticking off from family) i feel so stupid and lost... I need my Mum.

beekeeper17 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:41:17

Oh you poor thing. You need to look after yourself right now so if it was me I'd take some time off work to allow you to concentrate on getting a rest yourself and to be in a state that you're able to be there for your mum. The early stages of pregnancy are rough, so you could either tell work that you are unwell due to pregnancy (requesting that they keep the fact you're pregnant confidential because of how early on you are) or tell them you're not well and not mention pregnancy or take some annual leave. I don't think you'd be lying to anyone by taking a few days off sick, pregnancy tiredness really floors you (but it does get better!)

I wish your mum all the best. It is positive that she has got through this far and hopefully the surgery will go well. My dad had a heart attack last year (when I was pregnant too) and ended up in an induced coma for nearly a week. We were told he wouldn't pull through but miraculously he did and is doing really well now. It's so scary and now I'm so thankful for every day we have with him. There's no way I could have worked when that was happening and my work actually gave me some compassionate leave thankfully.

Oly5 Tue 11-Apr-17 19:49:26

I think you should tell work your mum has had a heart attack and there's a lot of damage and you need time off

OnNaturesCourse Tue 11-Apr-17 20:28:36

My work know I'm PG and about my Mother. I just feel like more than 2 days off is a bit much ? But at the same time from a personal point of view it's really not. Plus I have the family member complaining about me being off, and tonight my Mum complained about but in a gentle "i dont want to give away your PG" kinda way. I just dont think the stress of work on top of this will be good for developing baby.

beekeeper17 Tue 11-Apr-17 20:49:06

I wouldn't worry what other people think, do what's right for you and baby. You know yourself if you feel up to working or not. I think you definitely need more than 2 days off. I had 2 weeks off when my dad was ill.

OnNaturesCourse Tue 11-Apr-17 20:53:19

I'm just too timid for my own good. Scared to ask for more esp now ive had doubts put in my mind. Emotional time bomb

beekeeper17 Tue 11-Apr-17 21:08:50

Your health and your family are more important than work in situations like this, they'll get on fine without you for a week or whatever time you need. No one will thank you for struggling on, but it will affect you emotionally and physically. It would be a different matter if you were someone who was always taking sick days or something, but it doesn't sound like that applies to you.

arbrighton Tue 11-Apr-17 21:19:03

Tell family member to stuff off. They don't need to know why.
Do what you need to

OnNaturesCourse Tue 11-Apr-17 21:50:36

I was off long term sick for 30+ days over Christmas and January so that's not helping my thought process

beekeeper17 Tue 11-Apr-17 22:16:14

Oh trust me to make assumptions and put my big foot in it!! Ignore what I said, look after yourself and that precious baby, take the time off. I really hope your mum gets better soon and that the pregnancy tiredness shifts soon.

OnNaturesCourse Tue 11-Apr-17 22:17:36

Thank you Bee.

I just can't seem to focus on a straight thought at the minute. I'm all over the place and worried about baby too xx

SlB09 Tue 11-Apr-17 22:22:29

7 - 12-weeks is such a draining, emotional, fragile, irrational time without this happening to your mum. I had a very hard time and decided I was going to make it common knowledge that I was pregnant at just over 7 weeks. I figured that I couldnt get adequate support if nobody knew...and what was I keeping it secret for? If god forbid anything happened it was just more people to support me in that instance too. I found it totally liberating and the support I got was emmense. I carried on at work with the occassional breakdown but was supported to remain there and it was definately the best for me. Only you can know whats the best thing for you but I certainly found that the more people,know the more support you get x

OnNaturesCourse Tue 11-Apr-17 23:01:16

Thank you SIB

I'm sat looking at early scans, I'd like one before telling anyone else.

I'm just worried about the stress and emotional demand and the effect on baby.. It's so early

beekeeper17 Wed 12-Apr-17 10:10:41

An early scan is probably a good idea. I know it's hard but try not to worry about the baby too much, they're hardy little things. If you're worried about the risk of miscarriage, have a look at the NHS website, which confirms that there is no evidence of a link between your emotional state/stress etc and the risk of miscarriage.

OnNaturesCourse Wed 12-Apr-17 12:09:34

Yeah I found that late last night which really helped me calm down Bee.

I've taken the week off work, Mother is due for surgery next week but is first on cancellation list so could really be any time. I'm just done in, goodness knows how my mum feels.

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