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What is the age gap?

(22 Posts)
Ladypug Sun 09-Apr-17 23:28:31

What is the age gap between your children and in your opinion is it a good one? Some people have a 2 year gap and others have 4/5 year gap and I'm not sure what's best? My 18 month year old is crazy! I don't know how people cope with 2!

toomuchtimereadingthreads2016 Mon 10-Apr-17 08:47:25

Have no idea either! think there are pros and cons to all age gaps! My DD1 and DD2 have been "due" on the same day exactly three years apart. DD1 was born at 42weeks though so hopefully not sharing a bday! The pros I can see for this age gap now (DD2 not due for two months) are that DD1 is independent enough e.g dresses herself with supervision, feeds herself with minimal encouragement, sleeps well, has a well established routine that makes our lives a lot easier and LOVES to feel like she is grown up and helping out, so she is being very helpful now I'm getting awkwardly big and thinks thats so exciting that she is being a big girl and helping mummy. Obvs will be much harder when DD2 is born, but atm she is v excited, includes her sister in the list of people who will be going anywhere, chooses a story to read to bump at bedtime and says she wants her to sleep in her bed and cuddle her... watch this space!

zen1 Mon 10-Apr-17 09:04:11

I have almost exactly 3 years between DC1 and DC2 and 2 yrs 10 months between DC2 and DC3. I once read in a leaflet at the HV clinic that 3 years is the optimal age gap (can't remember the reasons though!). Most of my friends with kids have between a 2-4 year age gap and it seems to work well in terms of their DC enjoying similar activities / playing together etc. However I also know people who have much bigger age gaps and that works extremely well for other reasons. Also, families with 2 children a year or so apart have found it hard going in the baby years, but find a very close age gap great later on. I guess it just depends on your circumstances.

miserableandinpain Mon 10-Apr-17 09:08:22

Ds1 and ds 2 is 18 months. 39 weeks preg with dc3. So there wil be 4 yers between ds1 and dc3 and 2.5 years between ds2 and dc3

miserableandinpain Mon 10-Apr-17 09:10:41

I agree its madness and times cna be testing but i hope they will be able to be a good support to each other as they are close in age and wil hopefully exoerience life similarly to each other in the same time frame. If that makes sense...

mycatloveslego Mon 10-Apr-17 09:26:55

DS#1 is 5 and I'm 39 weeks pregnant with DS#2. Not entirely intentional as it took and long time to get to this point plus a few losses.
The main advantage is that DS1 is independent, is at school and can help me a lot (I hope!) with little jobs around the house. I have been able to support him a lot as I haven't been distracted by caring for a younger sibling. I will have more time to spend with the baby, so it's almost like starting all over again. Good for them I think, maybe not so much for me and DH!
The main disadvantage is that with a 5 year age gap I might struggle to find things that entertain both of them as they get older, we have to get used to nappies/sleepless nights again and also back to paying for childcare when I'm back at work. And then there's the juggling of childcare and work commitments too....
I don't think there's an 'ideal' gap, it's down to personal choice, and Mother Nature!

MrsBobDylan Mon 10-Apr-17 09:30:15

I think the way to decide is to do what suits you best because there are so many unknowns.

I have a 2 year gap and four year gap and if this pregnancy works out, will have another 4 year gap. The two year gap was hectic -the four year gap was much nicer for me! I have three sons and they all play with each other (they love rolling around on the sofa or throwing stuff around in the garden) so the age gaps haven't mattered really.

Ecureuil Mon 10-Apr-17 09:31:36

20 months between mine. First 6 months were tough but at 3.5 and nearly 2 it's pretty easy now. They amuse each other!

altik Mon 10-Apr-17 09:52:27

I have almost three years exactly and for us, it has been perfect.

My girls are close enough in age to play together (and have ever since DC2 reached 2) but the age gap is enough that they don't compete with each other. DD1 is sporty and can be very competitive, but thankfully any attempts to be competitive with her younger sister is met with "but you're three years older than me" and thankfully she cannot remember what she could do 3 years ago to really compete. They do recognise that they're at different stages in their lives, so it's not fair to compare. This makes family life much more harmonious.

Also, there's enough of an age gap, that they're not into each other's clothes books or toys. The clothes thing may become an issue when they become older teens, but they don't tend to fight over possessions either - it's usually clear who owns what!

That said, I think it is personality that has more impact than age. I know two sets of siblings just over a year apart. One gets on okay, but the other has the most intense sibling rivalry I have ever seen. They get into physical fights, scratch each other and pull hair.... I do think gender and personality can have much more of an impact. I'm lucky that I have two children of the same gender who share the same interests and have compatible personalities (DC2 is not competitive at all, and is much more accommodating to DC1, so they get on well.)

ColourfulOrangex Mon 10-Apr-17 09:57:13

DS is 6, DD daughter arrives in July

Montsti Mon 10-Apr-17 10:01:52

Personally I think a 3 year age gap at the beginning is perfect but the really close gaps - 1-2 years, although probably a nightmare for the first few years are probably better when they get to 4/5+...

I wouldn't have been able to handle closer than 2 years and I would've struggled even with that. I don't have family closeby and I bf for the first 6 months and have had 3 difficult newborns so it would've tipped me over the edge having more than 1 "baby" in the house..

DS will turn 8 in October
Dd1 will be 5 1/2 in October (5 in May)
Dd2 will be 3 in October
Dd3 will be born end September/beginning of October

My age gaps have been manageable so far...

Montsti Mon 10-Apr-17 10:05:49

So basically my age gaps are:

DS & dd1 - 2 years 7 months
Dd1 & dd2 - 2 years 5 months
Dd2 & dd3 - 3 years

newbian Mon 10-Apr-17 10:34:51

DD and the new baby will be 25 months apart. I was hoping for a 2.5-3 year age gap but didn't work out that way!

Derekmorganwasinmybed Mon 10-Apr-17 10:37:35

Ds and dd are 15 months apart,I found it far easier than I imagined

SummerRayne17 Mon 10-Apr-17 10:42:28

My eldest is 14 and I also have a 12yr old. Currently 30wks pregnant with number 3!
I never thought i would have any more kids, but I met my DH and we both agreed it would be lovely to have a child together smile

SuperBeagle Mon 10-Apr-17 10:47:08

DC1 and DC2 are 18 months apart.

DC2 and DC3 are 4 years apart.

DC3 and DC4 are 20 months apart.

I prefer the shorter age gap. It's difficult but the pros far outweigh the cons, IME. Happily did it a second time. grin

Polly99 Mon 10-Apr-17 11:21:16

My two are 3.5 years apart and it is a fabulous gap. I had aimed for 2 years, but you don't always get what you want wink and what I have got works very well.
The nicest part was that DD1 was very involved in my pregnancy. My hospital did Saturday scans and we had no childcare so DD1 came with and understood what was going on, she chatted to my midwives, named the baby, would talk to her through my belly button and was genuinely delighted to have a sister.
In contrast I saw lots of 1 and 2 year olds get pretty blindsided by their short stint as the centre of attention.
I haven't yet been able to have DC3 but if I ever get lucky the oldest two will be at least 11 and 8. I imagine that will have its positives too (although I do shudder a bit at the thought of re-entering the baby zone!!)

sphinxster Mon 10-Apr-17 11:36:21

DS & DD are 16 months apart. DD is 7 weeks old. It's chaotic but I've lost fewer marbles than I'd anticipated so far. I don't have any friends or family close by - we moved to this area 6 weeks before DD was born. I planned for this year to be awful but we've had more good days than bad days.

AbbeyRoadCrossing Mon 10-Apr-17 13:19:53

I don't think there's any such thing as a perfect age gap. And whilst you can aim for one you might get what you're given as it were.
Mine are 14 months apart. The start was really hard. We have no support nearby and it's pretty exhausting sometimes.
They get on fantastically though and are pretty much at the same stage so pretty easy for activities and organising the day.
I can see that the newborn bit would've probably been easier with a bigger age gap though.

PotteringAlong Mon 10-Apr-17 13:21:55

2 yrs 9 months between 1 and 2, 2 years and 5 months between 2 and 3.

5 years 2 months between 1 and 3

HorraceTheOtter Mon 10-Apr-17 13:23:25

21 months. It was and is hard. I think 30/36 months would have been better. My children are late talkers, explaining why mammy can't do things and about having a baby sister to someone angry, frustrated and nonverbal was heartbreaking at times and very difficult.

Ladypug Mon 10-Apr-17 22:16:29

Wow thanks everyone, this is so helpful! I'm thinking about trying again when DD is 2.5/3 as that sounds like the best of both worlds!

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