Hand to hold? My 8 week scan shall reveal all soon...

[DeanaPiana]

First post on here, and it'll probably be a long one (sorry).

This is my 4th pregnancy, 0 children. History of recurrent miscarriage. We don't know why, although they never ruled out anything other than my progesterone levels, which are fine. Maybe now we're in a new area they'll help more. I'm at a young age so not age related.

I'm currently 7+4. At 5+2 we had a scan that revealed there was a sac and yolk sac, all very normal for that gestation. I'm back again Wednesday when I'm 8+2 to see if the pregnancy is viable. We had the scan partly because of my paranoia, partly because I had cramping that ended up lasting until week 6ish.

At 7 weeks I had slightly spotting, I checked my cervix and what came out onto the tissue was a pin prick of bright red and then just pinkish discharge. Fast forward to an hour or so later and there was nothing there at all, back to normal pregnancy CM again. No cramping.

I did panic but EPU said to keep my appointment for Wednesday anyway, which I have. In the last 48 hours my symptoms have almost disappeared. Sickness almost gone, tender boobs a thing of the past really. I was medicated at week 6 because I couldn't handle the nausea anymore. I am still taking the tablets every day but even when I was so sick I still felt nauseous... Now nothing.

I know Wednesday will reveal all but I just can't bare to lose another pregnancy. It sounds so selfish and cruel but I'm not worried about the baby as such, I'm worried about losing another pregnancy. About seeing my lovely DP's face drop. About letting family down, again, that my body failed to make this pregnancy a successful one.

This thread makes no real sense, just looking for some words of wisdom or support I suppose.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to reply

[NonsensicalNonsense]

for you and a handhold. Good luck to you xx

[pinkiepie1]

I feel for you. I know the feeling of letting people down when it happens, I've been there. All I can say is stay positive... (I know its very difficult) and I hope everything turns out ok for you. hugs xx

[Bedsheets4knickers]

Another hand hold xxx talk without making any sense all you like . Wednesday must feel like a million years away x

[susurration]

I completely get that sense of letting people down but anything that has happened in the past is NOT your fault, and anything that may happen with this pregnancy is NOT your fault either.

Keeping everything crossed for a viable and sticky bean there for you. x

[DeanaPiana]

Thank you all so much for replying xx

Wednesday feels a world away, that much is true. I start a new job on Monday and the first day is a training course, second day half a training course and then I go up to my office to get cracking. It's awful, i wish I didn't have to go in as then I'd get to prepare myself for what may be by taking the time to self reflect etc.

However, I know I can't. It's bad enough I told a horrible fib about having agreed to go to a funeral and therefore would it be possible to give me Wednesday off. They approved it straight away.

Just don't feel pregnant anymore, and. I want to scream with frustration.

If this pregnancy fails, the whole cycle starts again. Taking ovulation tests, checking cm, taking Temps etc etc etc. All of which get me pregnant faster so I'd rather do them then not. It's just all such a long journey. And then, when I finally DO conceive again, all that waiting for the first trimester to be over, for weeks 4,5,6,7 to go as quickly as possible but they go as slowly as a snail.

Argh, just hate early pregnancy.

[user1490291922]

Good luck Deana

[Imaginingdragonsagain]

Good luck. I really hope you have positive news on Wednesday

[keeponrunning85]

I know how you feel. I too am on my 4th pregnancy, 0 children. My 3rd miscarriage was due to a chromosomal problem, the first 2 we'll never know. I think I'm around 6 weeks but my periods were still a bit irregular following my last miscarriage in December. I've got a scan booked on Wednesday morning, which is hopefully going to be a reassurance scan.

I am mainly managing to feel reasonably accepting of the loss of control but I know I'll be devastated if it does go wrong again and DH has already said he doesn't know if he'll be able to go through it again if this one doesn't work out.

Roll on Wednesday when hopefully we'll both have some clarity.

[JOMH1982]

Sending you all the luck in the world for Wednesday. I've got a daughter, but have since lost at 7 weeks, 10 weeks and 20 weeks, now at nearly 35 weeks and still pinching myself. I know how emotionally gruelling recurrent pregnancy loss is and how it can take over. Try and see the new job as a bit of a distraction if you can to get you through to Wednesday. I shall be thinking of you xx

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Hope all goes well on Wednesday. I don't think more time to stress and obsess would be a good thing for many people so having a new job as a distraction might be a good thing.

[Dozer]

Really hope it's good news for you this time.

I went to St Mary's in London for help after recurrent mc: my (large London) hospital mc clinic was useless IME and apparently didn't want to spend money on blood tests for clotting and genetic problems, or the HSG test for uterine scarring.

[DeanaPiana]

Hi all,

T'was lovely to wake up to these lovely messages this morning. Thank you all.

keepon luckily enough my other half is incredibly resilient so far and says even if anything does happen this time, he is certain we'll keep trying until we get there. Each time he can't quite get his head around me being so anxious of things going wrong, it's as if he never experienced those losses, which he did - he was devastated. How can he remain so positive? The mind truly boggles.

Thanks for that Dozer, I'll keep St Mary's in mind if I have no joy. My antenatal care is under Chelsea and Westminster, my EPU investigations are with Royal London Hospital. So far, they are very quick and efficient.

Hope I don't fail myself Monday, I need the job.

[jinglebellmel]

So sorry to hear you're going through this. I had 2 miscarriages in a row and it was a very dark time for me. If I'm reading correctly then the blood was after checking your cervix? If so you probably just irritated it, I didn the same myself in this pregnancy and panicked myself. Also cramping until 6 weeks totally normal. Obviously I don't want to give false hope, no one can tell you it's okay until the scan and sometimes it all goes wrong with no signs at all, but I don't think what you're describing is any indication of a problem.

Really hoping this one works out for you, but if not please go to your GP and ask for some tests, after 4 miscarriages you are totally entitled to further help and you will get it if you push a little. So many possible causes are very easily treated (mine turned out to be thyroid) and if nothing else it will give you some feeling of taking control.

[jinglebellmel]

Also look up the tommys miscarriage clinics, you can get your GP to refer to one of these if you aren't having any joy getting them to go anything themselves. hopefully you'll have no need and this will be the one that works out though x

[DeanaPiana]

Thank you jingle, very reassuring.

Hopefully this is indeed the one that finally works out. If I'm honest, I'd be happy to sign some sort of contract saying I'll never try and get pregnant again, if it meant I got just the one successful pregnancy.

Only time will tell. It's so hard. Also doesn't help that I'm feeling generally rubbish 24/7 physically, feel really off. I fantasised about slashing someone's arm today in a queue in the supermarket. Felt so nauseous and wanted to speed time

[jinglebellmel]

Haha well you certainly sound like you've got some pregnancy symptoms there! Keeping everything crossed for you, let us know

[DeanaPiana]

I'll post the outcome of my scan on Wednesday afternoon at the very latest.

Thank you all again

[keeponrunning85]

How did you get on at your scan Deana? I hope it was positive.

Mine showed a pregnancy of about 6 weeks with a heartbeat. I've been in this situation before and then at a second scan at 8 weeks the heartbeat had stopped so I'm not feeling particularly reassured tof be honest. I'm worried it was measuring behind what it should be but the nurse wasn't concerned about this.

[DeanaPiana]

Hi all, went for my scan! Positive news - Baby has a healthy heartbeat and is measuring about 8+5 instead of 8+2

To say I'm over the moon is an understatement... I almost capped myself (literally), waiting for the scan... I had to use the loos despite originally being a bit late.

keeponrunning I know it doesn't feel so great but that is fantastic news for You! It is the best news possible at that stage. They could not have told you anything else, as they don't have a crystal ball BUT things are the way they should be. I have everything crossed you get even more good news soon. How are you feeling in yourself?

I don't have sore boobs which worried me but I'm terribly nauseous

[keeponrunning85]

That's great news Deana! Will you have another scan or is it a case of wait until your booking one now?

You're right. Today I was given the best possible outcome they could give so I need to focus on that. I've got my next scan a week on Friday so not too long to wait.

I haven't had a huge amount of symptoms, although past few days have felt absolutely knackered and felt sick all day yesterday.

Fingers crossed we've both got sticky beans this time.

[DeanaPiana]

keeponrunning You're right there, keep your chin up and look forward to seeing that baby as much as you can, chances of the heart stopping are much lower now you've seen it. Although I know you've painfully seen it all before for it to end badly.

My next scan is my 12 week scan. They've discharged me from the EPU as of today

I think in our cases it's best to not symptom spot too much, much easier said than do though.. Don't I know it. I have to remind myself constantly not to.

[DeanaPiana]

qwerty Belated Congratulations to you

[jinglebellmel]

Great news both! I know it's hard to be positive after previous losses, but just try to take things as they come and take some pleasure in the small victories. There are no guarantees but right now everything is as it should be.

Keepon not sure how many days out you were, but even something like measuring from the inside of the point they mark rather than the outside makes a big difference at this stage. Try not to read too much into it easier said than done I know.