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Is he expecting too much?

(23 Posts)
user1480264544 Thu 06-Apr-17 08:43:13

Hi all I'm at my whitts end right now with my partner I feel if I don't rant now I'm
Going to explode and please feel free to tell me if I'm being over sensitive!
So I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant with my second child, my daughter is 21 months old. I work from 7am-11am daily then spend the rest of the day with my daughter which I wouldn't change for the world but anyone with children would understand there hard work! My pregnancy hasn't been the easiest im anemic suffered with HG and now im
Constantly exhausted but I feel like my partner doesn't get it! He expects to still come home to a spring cleaned house daily.. dinner on the table .. daughter bathed and in bed etc with minimal effort from him.. and if he even as much as washes up after dinner I don't hear the end of it! He is helpful when he's here but I'm doing the most of it all on my own as he wants "his time" at the gym .. every day! And as for the bedroom well he expects that to not of changed and wants to do it atleast 5 days a week! And if not I get the silent treatment the next day! I can't do it once or twice .. yeah great but more than that .. I just don't have the energy! It will then get to the point we have a huge row and he tells
Me I'm miserable and if I don't change he will leave me (this happens almost monthly) ugh I'm just so stressed I can't cope!! I just think he's forgot that I'm pregnant am dying I'm
Starting to feel like he doesn't care! Anyway writing this has made me realise he's a "bleep" but would appreciate hearing if anyone else had a similar situation and what to do!! Xx

Bananamanfan Thu 06-Apr-17 08:47:52

I think your life would be a lot easier without him in it.

Chillyegg Thu 06-Apr-17 08:49:03

LTB. I actually never dole that piece of advice out tbh.
But your already a single parent to that cock wad and your dd. Cut the cockwad out hes an adult and should look after himself.
Look after yourself my dear.

user1480264544 Thu 06-Apr-17 08:50:52

I just don't know what's happened he's never been like this before.. or maybe I haven't seen it but I'm at breaking point it's almost like he's jealous that he's not my main focus so he behaves like a child and his reason for complaining about how much I manage to get done in a day is.. "my mum
Managed with 3 children.. blah blah blah" but I'm not his mother!! Ugh stressful!!

harleysmammy Thu 06-Apr-17 08:52:07

I would have lost my patience a long time ago, don't stand for it. You don't need it especially at 6 months pregnant, your hormones are only gunna get worse and if he can't deal with that then that's his loss. You sound like a really good mam without him x

Creatureofthenight Thu 06-Apr-17 08:54:28

Er, yes, it's fair to say he is expecting too much.
You're not his bloody maid.
You should not be pressured into sex EVER, by any means - that's what he's doing with the sulking and rowing.
Next time he says he's leaving, tell him not to let the door hit him in the backside on the way out.

Blueroses99 Thu 06-Apr-17 08:54:57

I haven't been in your situation but it sounds like your partner needs a day in your shoes - childcare from 11am onwards and all the housework. Can you arrange it that you're terribly ill and have to stay in bed or preferably have to be out all day so he is forced to takeover.

The bedroom stuff sounds entirely unreasonable to me too. Due to pregnancy complications (incompetent cervix), I can't have sex at all during pregnancy else risk miscarriage/premature labour. Doesn't sound like he has a lot of respect for you, from what you've said.

Hollyhop17 Thu 06-Apr-17 08:55:00

Dear god, leave him immediately. You have HG and have been putting up with that? I have HG and I can barely function most of the time. I dont cook anymore, DH does most of the cleaning/tidying and hasnt once asked for sex. Not saying this to gloat, how you have managed is incredible. You need a rest, stop running around after him and look after yourself. Best of luck.

Bananamanfan Thu 06-Apr-17 08:56:33

He wouldn't remember what his mother was up to when he was a baby/toddler. Also in my childhood, you could just leave kids to it, send them out to play, give them fish fingers, waffles & beans with a frozen mousse for pudding. My nan was over quite a lot too doing washing etc.
There is much more pressure on mums now.
Have sex when you want to. Does he actually know he has no right to sex?

Bananamanfan Thu 06-Apr-17 08:58:17

& by the way, i can't imagine ever wanting sex with this fool.

user1480264544 Thu 06-Apr-17 09:02:09

The thing is with sex.. he won't pressure he will try and if I say no .. I get the silent treatment .. like today but if I confront him he will make another excuse for it! Last time we argued I let him go and locked him out 15 mins later he was back! I think your right he has no respect if I gave him a day in my shoes he would be fine but give him 6 months severe sickness and general pregnancy aches and pains.. early morning shifts he wouldn't cope! I feel to call him
And rant! angry

Greystars Thu 06-Apr-17 09:03:35

His behaviour is vile, I guess he didn't get the memo that being a sex pest is very unattractive to a woman.

This doesn't get any better for you or your children get out now whilst they are small much easier on them and you

vfoster Thu 06-Apr-17 09:04:53

Tell him he's being unreasonable. Tel him the house will be tidy when it's tidy and sex will happen when you feel like it. Tell him that giving you the silent treatment is childish and borders on controlling.
If he doesn't listen, go on strike and enjoy the silent treatment. 😃

eurochick Thu 06-Apr-17 09:12:06

What a horribly unattractive man.

user1480264544 Thu 06-Apr-17 09:38:42

There was me thinking I was being over sensitive I've never seen this side of him
Even in my first pregnancy he was fine but this time it's so horrible maybe I just need to sit down and tell him
How he's making me feel.. not that I think he will care !!x

Lemondrop09 Thu 06-Apr-17 09:59:55

Bloody hell, I'm exhausted just reading that!

This is my first pregnancy but I've suffered terribly with HG. As a result, I've mostly been in bed (have the luxury of that as no current children). I was signed off work and only recently easing myself back in working from home.

I couldn't imagine having HG, a child, work and being expected to do everything and have sex most days!

My DH works full time, has done all the housework, walked the dog every day and run around after me. He's gone above and beyond and I'm so grateful. I find your husband's lack of support shocking and sad.

And as for sex, we haven't even had sex since I got pregnant because of the HG! Almost three months now. My DH hasn't said a word because he knows how crappy I'm feeling.

It's been an exhausting few months, mostly mundane chores and sickness, but we're both just muddling through a rough patch, doing our best and knowing it won't be forever.

You need to speak to him and he needs a serious kick up the arse.

OnNaturesCourse Thu 06-Apr-17 10:19:37

Ask him when do you get "your time"?

Or look at hourly maid rates and start charging from his pocket...after all he is treating you like a maid and sex doll.

Lightningflash Thu 06-Apr-17 11:54:53

Yes ... he is expecting too much.

I have a hard time during pregnancy and my normal routines just don't happen (Bad sickness til at least 20 weeks, fatigue, pains and this time a DVT & PE for some extra joy). I work part time from home, have 2 young ones (4 & 2) and am pregnant with number 3. My DH gets frustrated at times with the major changes (i.e. somedays I just survive and nothing besides basic childcare gets done). When he gets home, he sorts dinner, baths etc. He now accepts that how it is during pregnancy for me (probably why it took some convincing and time that #3 was a good idea ... now I'm questioning my sanity!).

I have some good days, where I get things done and he's pleased with that, but if I don't, he just mucks in and does what needs to be done - somedays cheerfully and lovingly, and other days grumpily...But never with a threat to leave if I don't step it up - that is rubbish in a relationship.

PutThatPomBearBack Thu 06-Apr-17 13:58:13

Agree with creature except I would I hope the door hits him on the way out.

wetpebbles Thu 06-Apr-17 14:19:20

You will have no time to do ANYTHING when baby arrives, except care for your 2 children. What will he be like then?

MadeForThis Thu 06-Apr-17 15:04:01

Tell him to explain to his mother how unfair you are. That despite being sick and working and looking after a toddler you still can't find the energy for sex 5 times a week.

If she is any way sensible she will give him a slap.

haveacupoftea Fri 07-Apr-17 07:27:37

Tell him you aren't going to change and yes you are miserable because he treats you like a slave and is abusive to you. Then say cheerio as he goes.

clarabellski Fri 07-Apr-17 11:27:59

I feel like I've travelled back through time to the 1500s reading your post OP. Is your partner for real?!?

flowers whatever you decide to do I hope that your HG eases as that is only adding to your misery

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