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Anyone having relationship problems during pregnancy?

(26 Posts)
TickingTimeBomb2017 Tue 04-Apr-17 14:10:53

Anyone else having a rough time in their relationship?

This baby was planned but my relationship has since turned volatile due to outside stresses (his ex going to court basically). The drama has ruined my enjoyment of my pregnancy. Instead of being relaxed, happy and excited, I am fretful, anxious and depressed. I've even wavered between abortion and adoption because I'm not sure this relationship will last and I know I won't survive as a single mother.

Anyone else having a less-than-blissful pregnancy due to relationship problems?

OP’s posts: |
user1480264544 Tue 04-Apr-17 14:47:23

Yep I certainly have ...! My baby was planned but it was after myself and partner almost split due to "cheating" (no one actually cheated but it since surfaced we had both been extremely close!) I took the decision to forgive and forget but my partner brings it up whenever we have the smallest of argument!! It for a very long time made me hate being pregnant and regret it completely but for the last few weeks since finding out I'm having a second girl I've changed completely and so has my partner and things couldn't be better! What I'm trying to say is no matter how big the issue you must remember that you have your own little person growing inside of you. Try to enjoy it and embrace it as that little person will still be by your side regardless of what happens! Plus things will get easier, if you haven't already speak to your partner so he knows how you feel his past shouldn't have such a negative affect of your future! I hope all works out flowers x

TickingTimeBomb2017 Tue 04-Apr-17 20:44:54

Hi. I was hoping there'd be more of us. Having relationship probs whilst preg is a lonely place to be sad All other preggos seem so happy and loved up (as they should be).

OP’s posts: |
LokisSister Tue 04-Apr-17 20:59:37

Me too. Unplanned pregnancy - was only with dp a few months after being single for 11 years. I have 2 teenagers.

Don't live with DP and don't intend to - being pregnant has shown him up for what he really is- a selfish man. He said he wanted the baby (not that I could have aborted anyway - not against it but I knew I couldn't cope mentally) he hasn't come to any scans, bought anything, and doesn't seem that interested in how I'm coping or feeling, yet wants me to change hospitals to the one closer to him (so he can get there quicker, it's slightly further than my local hospital) and he almost demanded that I name the baby after him!

I'm 95% going to end it with him - I know I can cope as a single mum as I've done it for the past 13 years but I keep waiting for him to prove that he cares. Hormones are not helping, nor is being on maternity leave.

InsaneMummyOfThree Tue 04-Apr-17 22:23:13

Hi op, I had a similar experience when I was pregnant with my first. I'd know my fella for 12 years but he was married with kids. Two years after their divorce we got together. We hadn't been together long but decided we want to have a baby. At the time he was going to court fighting to see his kids. It was tough going and I felt like I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy as we kept it quiet for a long time. We had lots of stress ( I was followed and stalked by his ex and had photo taken of me). There was one occasion where I just thought "fucking it, I'm not doing this, I'll be a single parent". That was at about 38 weeks pregnant. I decided to stick it out as I really did love him (always have from the moment we met, even though he was married, oops sorry!!!! ). I thought I owed it to my baby to at least try stick it out. Once she was born I knew I'd made the right decision. He's so devoted to us and now I understand why he was fighting so hard in court with his ex. He truly loves his other children and just wanted to see them so did everything in his power. It made our relationship stronger as he knew I was there for him no matter what and I know he's there for me too. That was almost 6 years ago now and we've since had two more children with our fourth on the way. We truly do have a brilliant relationship, we hardly ever argue. No one knows what's going to happen in the future and whether a relationship with last. You could have had the most wonderful relationship and perfect pregnancy, no stress or dramas but still end up as a single mother. Things happen, people change and one thing you can't rely on is other people. That sounds really harsh or synical I know but what I'm trying to say is make your own happiness. Change your thinking and be positive. Look forward to your baby and be happy. My nan used to say "kill them with kindness". Enemy's hate to see you happy so shout it from the roof tops. I'm pregnant and have never been happier. Xx

Krystal5 Wed 16-Aug-17 19:51:48

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LittleWingSoul Wed 16-Aug-17 20:54:16

Major cracks started showing in my relationship with DC1's dad (my ex) when I was pregnant. I even toyed with the idea of running away and joining a squatting community in Spain - it was that bad! I didn't, and although I can't wish I had done things differently as I have reached somewhere great relationship-wise, my advice to someone in the same position would be 'no time like the present'. Having a baby is a pretty big stress on a relationship and will test it to the limit. Question is whether you want to expose your vulnerable post-natal self and your baby to a difficult home life that will seem harder and harder to escape from as they get older.

Good luck OP flowers

LittleWingSoul Wed 16-Aug-17 20:56:03

P.s. I should have said... reached somewhere great relationship-wise with a different man (my lovely, supportive DH), things did NOT improve with the abusive ex,he obviously got much much worse

lillianD Mon 26-Feb-18 09:10:12

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BlueMermaid96 Mon 26-Feb-18 09:55:15

My baby wasn't planned, my fiance has now left me and moved back home 3 weeks ago. Leaving me to face an extremely tough time on my own and now has left me on the day of the first scan.

CL1982 Mon 26-Feb-18 10:41:07

OP my husband and I are happily married and we feel the pressure. We had a huge fight yesterday-I cried for 2 hours afterwards. It's a lot of emotion, a lot of change and that puts pressure on all relationships. The hormones do not help at all. Please do not put pressure on yourself. It's hard at times. Really really hard.

You will be a wonderful Mum with or without your partner.

WhyTheHeckMe Mon 26-Feb-18 13:09:59

Me and dh have been together 14 years, since I was 16.
I'm 32w pregnant with dc2 and literally all we do is argue over everything.
It's getting me down so much, things have never been this bad and I am seriously doubting our decision to bring this much wanted baby into the world!
I cry a lot and he acknowledges he's miserable but says he doesn't know why and he thinks it's the fear of the unknown.
Dc1 is a very happy and easy going 2 year old that's sleeps like a dream and I think he's worried that our world is really about to change.
I guess I have no advice, just want u to know you're not alone!

Viviennemary Mon 26-Feb-18 13:16:13

I do know a couple of people over the years who have been in stable relationships and whose partners have left for no apparent reason. One was having an affair and other no reason at all. But that hasn't happened to you.

And I wouldn't take it that everyone who is pregnant has no relationship problems. The ex going to court must be very stressful but that's not his fault. Not sure why this alone has caused so huge a problem.

Kingston88 Sun 26-Jan-20 10:58:33

Yep. This baby was planned and we tried for 10 months so definitely took a bit longer than usual. Since I've been pregnant I've had hypremasis gravadium, I had to leave my job and I haven't been able to do anything around the house. I'm. Now on week 20, just about starting to feel normal but the stress of not having my own money has really put my other half in a mood.
Hardly talks to me, or listens, we've had sex 4 times in 4.5 months. He works 12 hour days so we don't see much of each other anyway, we have a 4 year old together who's the light of our life, but I feel if we weren't parents we wouldn't be together.
I've been looking for another job but not many places employ pregnant women, even temporary.
He decideds what is financial sensible to buy, like for example our son was invited to a birthday party, my partner said our son couldn't go because we didn't have any money for a present or card. So who misses out then, our son.
We qualify for some benefits providing my partner dosnt earn over a certain amount. So I've got no idea what's happening month to month.
If I ask for something, he's skint, even if it's his payday. And I'm not asking for stupid things, I'm asking for groceries or petrol since he has no car.
We've been together 7 years and will have 2 kids together and I feel like it's shit again. Wtf am I supposed to do. Its always been like this but it's never been a problem since I've always worked 😭

sel2223 Sun 26-Jan-20 11:14:48

Unplanned pregnancy, in a LDR - we live in different countries - and we had only been together a couple of months when I fell pregnant (although we've known each other as friends for a few years).
I'm currently going through a messy divorce following domestic violence as well so the timing really couldn't be worse.
We are happy about the pregnancy and he is very supportive but the strain of being apart is really hard and there are times when we take our frustration out on each other.
I feel like I'm doing this on my own as he's not around for scans or appointments or anything and the pressure to find a way to be together before baby arrives is tough. This is the first for both of us and we're not really coping well with being apart but I don't feel that I've got anyone to talk to about it as no-one really understands.
Pregnancy can be a lonely experience when you're not in the picture perfect couple.

Baileyboy2020 Fri 13-Mar-20 23:48:40

My hubby and I had an amazing relationship and planned this pregnancy. No one could have prepared me for how hard it was going to be with the symptoms and how much i had to give up over night.

I was very sick, feeling exhausted and couldn't take pain meds for the massive migraines. I also knew about what a pregnant woman can't do.. such as drinking or eating certain things.... what I didn't know was how f-ing hard it was going to be!

The symptoms made me be/feel isolated and started to create resentment. I was getting frustrated as my husband drank ALL the coffee in the world, brought the sushi to our kitchen when I can't eat it, or getting to continue to play sports while i had to quit mine.

I just started to feel upset that I am the only one that had to go through this in our relationship for a baby that he wanted!( I wanted too but he wanted to more!) I asked him to give up one thing.. And refused and from there our relationship is spiraling.

My question is.. have any of you preggo' s felt that way. Like why the hell do we have to give up everything or a loooot of things while our husbands or partners just go on living their best life!.

Beeali7 Thu 13-Aug-20 10:25:51

Can someone give any advice?
Me and my partner are expecting and we have been having a few problems since. We are both so happy to be having a baby but keeps saying that I have changed and I’m ruining the relationship. I’ve tried to explain to him the hormones and changes but he’s not really understanding.
He hasn’t been supportive through this and I understand it’s hard because you can’t really get involved or be attached as you’re not allowed to come to scans or not really experiencing anything.

However we had a big argument this weekend and I said it was over. He then told me I make him feel alone and isolated. He has got in contact with his ex and taken her out for dinner. Apparently nothing happened other than a kiss and he regrets it. But has said it’s because I pushed him away. Someone please give me some advice!!

Beeali7 Thu 13-Aug-20 10:27:57

@Baileyboy2020 I completely agree. Mine wants to go out with his friends every week after work for drinks I can’t do that. And I’m really resentful! It’s really ruining everything! I want this baby more than anything and so does he but I don’t know how to sort it

BeMorePacific Thu 13-Aug-20 10:34:13

@Beeali7 I am furious for you over this.
I would not trust him at all. You split up and in a matter of days he is dating his ex.
I’m so sorry this has happened to you.
Pregnancy puts a huge strain on even the strongest relationship. But you need trust, and he has just broken that.
Once the baby is here it can be even harder.
Sending you lots of love xx

Beeali7 Thu 13-Aug-20 11:00:19

@BeMorePacific thank you. Apparently nothing happened just took her out! It’s not acceptable at the least but told me I made him feel so alone and he has no family to turn too and she’s always been in the same boat no friends no family.
I’m broken beyond belief! But I don’t know what to do

BeMorePacific Thu 13-Aug-20 11:14:42

I’d be more hurt at the fact he wanted an emotional connection with her, even if nothing sexual happened.
He should have been taking you out for dinner and investing in your relationship.
xxxx

Beeali7 Thu 13-Aug-20 11:41:17

Thank you. I know what you mean and your right I’m just so scared of being a single mum to my first child. I’m in bits and have 8 weeks to go x

MizMoonshine Thu 13-Aug-20 12:52:51

Mine's been less than blissful.
Found out at 4 months that he had cheated on me before and after finding out I was pregnant.
Planned. Initiated by him.
Have worked through this together, alongside relate counselling. He's also still going through his financial agreement from his divorce, lots of back and forth with solicitors which is causing his own stress.
On the plus side, being in lockdown has been lovely. Not been touched and molested by strangers yay!

Beeali7 Thu 13-Aug-20 13:37:13

So you worked through it? Even though he cheated? How? How have you managed to get over it? And trust him?

Chocforthewin Thu 13-Aug-20 13:44:09

It wasn't planned to be a single mum, 4 days after finding out I was pregnant. The father got drunk & was violent to me where I had to call the police as he was trying to put me in a choke-hold.
Of course - he said he blacked out, he didn't mean it etc! I ended it there & then!
Being a single Mum isn't going to be easy but such is life sometimes, life isn't always plain sailing. But we grow through what we go through. I wish all you Mummies & Mummies-to-be all the luck in the world. We go this 💜

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