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Anyone having relationship problems during pregnancy?

(13 Posts)
TickingTimeBomb2017 Tue 04-Apr-17 14:10:53

Anyone else having a rough time in their relationship?

This baby was planned but my relationship has since turned volatile due to outside stresses (his ex going to court basically). The drama has ruined my enjoyment of my pregnancy. Instead of being relaxed, happy and excited, I am fretful, anxious and depressed. I've even wavered between abortion and adoption because I'm not sure this relationship will last and I know I won't survive as a single mother.

Anyone else having a less-than-blissful pregnancy due to relationship problems?

user1480264544 Tue 04-Apr-17 14:47:23

Yep I certainly have ...! My baby was planned but it was after myself and partner almost split due to "cheating" (no one actually cheated but it since surfaced we had both been extremely close!) I took the decision to forgive and forget but my partner brings it up whenever we have the smallest of argument!! It for a very long time made me hate being pregnant and regret it completely but for the last few weeks since finding out I'm having a second girl I've changed completely and so has my partner and things couldn't be better! What I'm trying to say is no matter how big the issue you must remember that you have your own little person growing inside of you. Try to enjoy it and embrace it as that little person will still be by your side regardless of what happens! Plus things will get easier, if you haven't already speak to your partner so he knows how you feel his past shouldn't have such a negative affect of your future! I hope all works out flowers x

TickingTimeBomb2017 Tue 04-Apr-17 20:44:54

Hi. I was hoping there'd be more of us. Having relationship probs whilst preg is a lonely place to be sad All other preggos seem so happy and loved up (as they should be).

LokisSister Tue 04-Apr-17 20:59:37

Me too. Unplanned pregnancy - was only with dp a few months after being single for 11 years. I have 2 teenagers.

Don't live with DP and don't intend to - being pregnant has shown him up for what he really is- a selfish man. He said he wanted the baby (not that I could have aborted anyway - not against it but I knew I couldn't cope mentally) he hasn't come to any scans, bought anything, and doesn't seem that interested in how I'm coping or feeling, yet wants me to change hospitals to the one closer to him (so he can get there quicker, it's slightly further than my local hospital) and he almost demanded that I name the baby after him!

I'm 95% going to end it with him - I know I can cope as a single mum as I've done it for the past 13 years but I keep waiting for him to prove that he cares. Hormones are not helping, nor is being on maternity leave.

InsaneMummyOfThree Tue 04-Apr-17 22:23:13

Hi op, I had a similar experience when I was pregnant with my first. I'd know my fella for 12 years but he was married with kids. Two years after their divorce we got together. We hadn't been together long but decided we want to have a baby. At the time he was going to court fighting to see his kids. It was tough going and I felt like I couldn't enjoy my pregnancy as we kept it quiet for a long time. We had lots of stress ( I was followed and stalked by his ex and had photo taken of me). There was one occasion where I just thought "fucking it, I'm not doing this, I'll be a single parent". That was at about 38 weeks pregnant. I decided to stick it out as I really did love him (always have from the moment we met, even though he was married, oops sorry!!!! ). I thought I owed it to my baby to at least try stick it out. Once she was born I knew I'd made the right decision. He's so devoted to us and now I understand why he was fighting so hard in court with his ex. He truly loves his other children and just wanted to see them so did everything in his power. It made our relationship stronger as he knew I was there for him no matter what and I know he's there for me too. That was almost 6 years ago now and we've since had two more children with our fourth on the way. We truly do have a brilliant relationship, we hardly ever argue. No one knows what's going to happen in the future and whether a relationship with last. You could have had the most wonderful relationship and perfect pregnancy, no stress or dramas but still end up as a single mother. Things happen, people change and one thing you can't rely on is other people. That sounds really harsh or synical I know but what I'm trying to say is make your own happiness. Change your thinking and be positive. Look forward to your baby and be happy. My nan used to say "kill them with kindness". Enemy's hate to see you happy so shout it from the roof tops. I'm pregnant and have never been happier. Xx

Krystal5 Wed 16-Aug-17 19:51:48

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

LittleWingSoul Wed 16-Aug-17 20:54:16

Major cracks started showing in my relationship with DC1's dad (my ex) when I was pregnant. I even toyed with the idea of running away and joining a squatting community in Spain - it was that bad! I didn't, and although I can't wish I had done things differently as I have reached somewhere great relationship-wise, my advice to someone in the same position would be 'no time like the present'. Having a baby is a pretty big stress on a relationship and will test it to the limit. Question is whether you want to expose your vulnerable post-natal self and your baby to a difficult home life that will seem harder and harder to escape from as they get older.

Good luck OP flowers

LittleWingSoul Wed 16-Aug-17 20:56:03

P.s. I should have said... reached somewhere great relationship-wise with a different man (my lovely, supportive DH), things did NOT improve with the abusive ex,he obviously got much much worse

lillianD Mon 26-Feb-18 09:10:12

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BlueMermaid96 Mon 26-Feb-18 09:55:15

My baby wasn't planned, my fiance has now left me and moved back home 3 weeks ago. Leaving me to face an extremely tough time on my own and now has left me on the day of the first scan.

CL1982 Mon 26-Feb-18 10:41:07

OP my husband and I are happily married and we feel the pressure. We had a huge fight yesterday-I cried for 2 hours afterwards. It's a lot of emotion, a lot of change and that puts pressure on all relationships. The hormones do not help at all. Please do not put pressure on yourself. It's hard at times. Really really hard.

You will be a wonderful Mum with or without your partner.

WhyTheHeckMe Mon 26-Feb-18 13:09:59

Me and dh have been together 14 years, since I was 16.
I'm 32w pregnant with dc2 and literally all we do is argue over everything.
It's getting me down so much, things have never been this bad and I am seriously doubting our decision to bring this much wanted baby into the world!
I cry a lot and he acknowledges he's miserable but says he doesn't know why and he thinks it's the fear of the unknown.
Dc1 is a very happy and easy going 2 year old that's sleeps like a dream and I think he's worried that our world is really about to change.
I guess I have no advice, just want u to know you're not alone!

Viviennemary Mon 26-Feb-18 13:16:13

I do know a couple of people over the years who have been in stable relationships and whose partners have left for no apparent reason. One was having an affair and other no reason at all. But that hasn't happened to you.

And I wouldn't take it that everyone who is pregnant has no relationship problems. The ex going to court must be very stressful but that's not his fault. Not sure why this alone has caused so huge a problem.

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