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46 & just lost 5th baby. Need some hope!

(19 Posts)
pogpog Tue 04-Apr-17 06:48:01

Hi. I'm 46 and just suffered m/c no. 4. My first pregnancy at 39 was ectopic & I had my right Fallopian tube taken out; despite this I went on to conceive naturally 5 more times (2 more m/c, one live birth at 42 and 2 more m/cs - the last 5 days ago at 46 and a d&c). I'm told there's "nothing wrong with me" bar my age. We tried ivf last year with no joy and are desperate to have a sibling for our beautiful 3 year old. Am I crazy to still hope at this ripe old age that it may still work? Every time I lose a child a piece of me dies but I can't give up hope no matter how futile it seems... can anyone offer any advice or inspiration of good news stories? Thank you

N0tfinished Tue 04-Apr-17 07:21:23

Can't advise, didn't want to read & not respond. Sorry for your loss & all the best xx

MaybeDoctor Tue 04-Apr-17 07:48:47

I am sorry, but think you are amazing to carry on trying. I have secondary infertility and never became pregnant again, despite us both having really good test results.
Stopped trying last year (age 41) and gradually got into a better place mentally. Best wishes.

GreedyDuck Tue 04-Apr-17 10:20:28

Hats off to you for carrying on trying. I am 43 and pg again after a second mc in December. I am also very keen that my 2yo has a sibling, but I have decided that if this one doesn't work out we will stop trying and just put all our energies into enjoying her childhood.

I don't want her early years to be overshadowed by me trying and failing to carry another pregnancy to term, as the hormonal upheaval and stress of ttc does not make for a happy home. I would rather have some counselling and move on.

5BlueHydrangea Tue 04-Apr-17 10:23:37

My friend is 45 and currently 27 weeks pregnant. Has 2 older dc but I know she's had some miscarriages too. So pleased for her it's all going well so far this time (albeit a bit jealous!)

Italwaysworksitselfout Tue 04-Apr-17 10:40:27

I'm so sorry for your loss flowers
I am 46 and 32 weeks pregnant. I have 2 grown up ds from my first relationship and a teenage dd with my dh. We had been trying for a baby since Dd was 3 but unfortunately suffered long periods of not conceiving to then having 6 mcs in a row. Investigatory tests and an op to look further revealed that my endometriosis had got so bad that one tube was defunct and the other was blocked (never was told what with) and even though they unblocked it I was told I'd never have another child.
We made out peace with this and got on with our lives only to find out at the age of 45 I was pregnant. It was hard at first as we were constantly on edge but as I got over the hurdles I've realised this baby was meant to be.
I wish you all the luck in the world and it can work out but this wee bundle of surprise came at a time when we were entering a new phase in our lives and it's been hard to adjust grin

hopsalong Tue 04-Apr-17 13:02:22

I'm so so sorry for your losses. I don't think you're crazy at all (and can imagine myself feeling exactly the same way). But, if I can say this gently, it is statistically very unlikely at your age that you're going to be able to bring another normal healthy baby to term with your own eggs. You're not doing anything wrong and there's nothing unusual or unhealthy about it at all, it's just very hard for most women to conceive after the age of 40-42, and harder again after 45. If you look at a graph like this, you can see how depressingly the odds get stacked against us in both directions after 40. In fact you must be much more fertile than the average to have got pregnant so many times after 40 and had a child!

Would you consider donor eggs?

ChewyGiraffe Tue 25-Apr-17 17:42:57

I'm sorry for all your losses. I notice it was about a month ago you had your 4th loss, I wonder how you're feeling now?

I'm 47 with a nearly 4 year old DD and I'd still dearly love a sibling for her. Even after having some horrible losses (including a 2nd trimester loss) since I had her. Well, I'm already committed to parenting a very young child after all. So no, I don't think you're crazy. Success might be very rare, but whilst it's at least technically possible to get pregnant, it's hard not to want to be one of the very, very lucky ones who manage to have a genetic child at 47/48.

But much as I'd love another baby, I find the idea of donor eggs (like hopsalong suggested) sort of baffling. It's unfortunate as no doubt it would make for an easy solution, but to me it sounds like someone suggesting I should emigrate to Australia, I just think, yeah well that would probably be really great, but I know in my gut it's not for me. I guess it's to do with the worry of making unfair comparisons with my DD.

I used to read the 40+ TTC thread, have you seen it? You do come across some heartening stories now and again; I remember reading about a woman of 48 who'd just had a surprise baby:
- www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/a2720423-40-ttc-the-one-where-we-all-get-knocked-up#64925939
- www.mumsnet.com/Talk/conception/2862131-40-ttc-bring-on-the-bfps

pogpog Fri 28-Apr-17 11:42:41

Thanks chewygiraffe. I feel the same re donor eggs. 4 weeks on and after my first period post d&c I frankly feel very very low. All I know is that women DO still get pregnant after 45 and I will carry that small spark of hope in my heart until I am told I am menopausal! Apparently I have a good ovarian reserve for my age and was told at my miscarriage before this most recent that I should "keep trying" if I was mentally strong enough... my gynaecologist had her last baby naturally at 46 so I think to myself that someone has to be that lucky person and why not hope it can be me? Stats are constantly quoted but they are just that, average statistics. I asked for positive and encouraging responses and thank you for doing that and referring me to the 40+ thread. I wish you every success in your desire for another child. Fingers crossed for both of us!

pogpog Fri 28-Apr-17 11:45:01

Thank you for the positive response and good news I asked for 😊

pogpog Fri 28-Apr-17 11:54:14

Sorry. Meant to say thank you to those who provided good news stories as encouragement. Not very adept at this mumsnet business yet!

Gallavich Fri 28-Apr-17 12:01:40

Bless you
Your child will be ok without a sibling if it doesn't happen. Personally I would not keep putting myself through the heartache but if you feel you can, there is a chance.

ChilliMum Fri 28-Apr-17 12:10:15

Have you been referred to a fertility specialist?
After my last miscarriage a nurse told me to try junior aspirin, I spoke to my gynecologist who said while he couldn't say if it would help it woundn't to hurt try it if I wanted.
That was about 7 years ago though so opinion may have changed? My next pregnancy is now 6 years old smile.

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Fri 28-Apr-17 12:13:21

Sorry you have have such a rubbish time up. I am 45 and ttc. 3 chemicals and a mc last June. Nothing since.
Apparently thinning of the uterine lining is the likely cause at our age (if eggs and relevant levels are OK course) so maybe look into ways or help thicken it. . Lots of ideas out there I have read about.
Good luck to us overs and ttc. . flowers

pogpog Fri 28-Apr-17 13:44:46

Hi chilli mum & flapjacks. Yes, I've had loads of tests done and am told there is no obvious cause other than age... I'm going to get some baby aspirin tomorrow.... thanks for tip re uterine lining, apparently Brazil nuts help according to google!

JammyTodger Fri 28-Apr-17 13:59:46

Hi Pog. I'm so sorry for your losses. No advice, but a little hope from me. I had my first baby at 40 and then tried for 5 years for our 2nd. I had 2 early MCs and a whole lot of negative tests over those years. We came to terms in a way with just being too old, and then at 45 I had our now 2yo. Pregnancy was uneventful and he's a healthy strapping little lad who exhausts me every day. Fingers crossed for you x

Justmadeperfectflapjacks Fri 28-Apr-17 14:00:46

A brisk walk daily is helpful to get blood flowing in the uterus too!!

pogpog Fri 28-Apr-17 23:59:01

Thank you Jammytodger and flapjack! Have just woken up (am overseas at present) & seen your posts. Instead of the usual depression I feel coming over me when I open my eyes the last few weeks, I feel a little bit of hope 😊

Only1scoop Sat 29-Apr-17 00:02:48

I had 2 MMC one late and one just 10 weeks at 39 and 40. So harrowing I'd never try again. I feel too old now though. Dd will be an only one but we are so lucky to have her.

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