Only just found out I'm pregnant with #2 and feeling anxious about telling family!

[Chamonix1]

So when I got pregnant with dd me and (now) DH hadn't been together long and when we told his parents they went totally apesh*t at us, I won't go into details but we were both taken off into separate rooms and basically screamed and cried at and begged for abortions and called all the names under the sun!
Anyway fast forward 4+ years and they now love dd, very much so, I know really they'll be pleased we are having another but this irrational part of me is scared and it's already consuming my pregnancy (last pregnancy was very much about them once they got over the initial shock and it really affected me as a first time mum).
I promised myself this pregnancy would be different, that I'd be more assertive and it was about me, DH, dd and our baby but I can't help but get a knot in my tummy when I think about re-living those moments where dd was very much snatched from my arms as soon as I walked in, whilst she screamed and screamed and they refused to give her back, pushed into having her overnight at 5 months old and tears turned on if ever told no. all those things that when you have a newborn set all those deep rooted natural alarm bells off. I'm probably rambling; but would in be totally out of order to not tell anyone until after our scan 12 weeks, so I can at least enjoy a few months of peace ?

[BernardsarenotalwaysSaints]

You don't have to tell anyone you're pregnant before you're ready. Your dh needs to stand up to them & say they're not having baby overnight, they can't always hold baby when they want etc preferably before baby is born & keep on saying it. They have raised their baby now it's your turn.

I'm 20 weeks now & only dh, my dad, my friend & one other person knows...they'll work it out soon enough! (S/he is our 5th).

[vickifaith]

So sorry you are feeling like this - poor you. But am I missing something? Why did they go so mad? Is there a reason? From my assumptions you are a fully grown adult and have raised your little one well? Financially support your family? What the hell does it have to do with them?? Do not let them bully you. Tell them with conviction, be matter of fact 'we are expecting a baby and we are very happy to add to our family' look them in the eyes and if they even try and scream at you stay calm and tell them where to go! It's up to them if they want to be part of your child's life but they have to play by your rules xxx

[toomuchtimereadingthreads2016]

Aw feel sorry for you! I wouldn't put it off personally because then you will get more anxious about it (unless you would rather not tell them anyway, thats completely up to you!) but if its a case of wanting to avoid this potential conflict then get it out of the way.

When I got pregnant with DD I was young, finishing uni, living in a different country to now DH and parents... My parents cried but were more supportive than I could ever have imagined, I full on expected the treatment you got! Fast forward 3 years and we are expecting again. I was so nervous about telling them even though they knew we were TTC! Was an absolute bag of bits! This time they cried too, but happy tears. ITs a shame when you have to consider other peoples reactions into your happy news! Hope it goes well whatever you decide xx

[Chamonix1]

Their reaction was based on me and DH (dp at the time) not having been together long at all, we had known each other for a year but I had only known his parents for 3/4 months, we'd been together for 5, was a surprise for us too but we are so happy we had dd, we made the right decision and are a very happy family.
We financially support ourselves, have our own home, dd has grown into a confident, happy little 4 year old so i think we are good parents!
dh is an only child and to be honest put me right off only having 1, his parents look at his as a 30 year old child.
I could tell them sooner but I'm worried they won't let us enjoy this pregnancy and it'll probably be our last baby. Not that I'm enjoying worrying about their reaction.
Thanks for the reassuring words

[Lunalovepud]

Your DH should be the one worrying about this and taking responsibility for sorting his parents out.

They sound like a nightmare!

In some ways! The sooner they know the better as your DH can set out expectations for their behaviour from the start and they have a few months to get used to it. On the other hand, I can understand why you would prefer to enjoy the peace!

Unfortunately with people like this, there will always be drama. You just need to decide whether you would prefer it now or later.

Stick to your guns and don't tolerate any nonsense this time. It's your baby, your rules.

[Wishiwasmoiradingle2017]

Keep your distance. .
They sound nuts. .
Congratulations by the way!!

[Happyandhungry]

WTF?! unless you were both 15 years old at the time of the first baby then i cannot understand their reaction at all! They sound weird, don't tell them anything!

[TestingTestingWonTooFree]

Perfectly reasonable to delay telling them until 12w. Perfectly reasonable to allow them the contact with your baby that you are comfortable with. Question is whether you and DP will agree and present a united front.