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When are you telling?

(21 Posts)
Lemondrop09 Tue 28-Mar-17 09:33:21

Just that really, wondering when you're going to share your good news?

I always wanted to wait until 12 weeks, but due the HG, I was forced to tell close friends and family at just 7 weeks as I had fallen off the face of the planet and people were worried. My rule was that I would only tell people who needed to know/people I would turn to for support anyway even if I had a mc (these mostly turned out to be the same people!). In some ways this was good, as I was sooooo ill, I was grateful for the support.

Funnily enough, now I've hit 12 weeks, I still don't feel comfortable announcing it too much. I've told a few more friends who I wanted to tell earlier but didn't as I'd already had to tell so many people. I've let it get around work, for practical reasons, as I've been off sick so much.

But there's still a number of friends and family members who I haven't told, even though I've had contact with them since 12 weeks. I also have no desire to put anything on FB yet. It's weird, I'm not sure why I'm holding back. I suppose because I'm still worried something will happen - but then, there's never a safe point in pregnancy.

I'm planning to have a 16 week scan, so maybe I'll open up more then.

So why did you tell? 12 weeks? Earlier? Later? Anyone glad it tegret their approach?

McBaby Tue 28-Mar-17 09:46:00

Tell people when you feel like it. I have always felt strange telling people and only tell them when I see them.

Currently 34 weeks and meeting some friends on Friday I haven't seen for ages and some of them don't know!

kel1493 Tue 28-Mar-17 09:50:06

We found out just before Christmas and unfortunately I had to go back home the day after we found out. So we didn't even get chance to talk about it.
In the new year (I was about 6/7 weeks) we told both our parents and close family members (my aunt, dh's uncle). And a few close friends.
That was it. No one else knew until later on.
Also it was nice that we were able to keep it to ourselves for a month and a bit as well.

OnNaturesCourse Tue 28-Mar-17 10:56:25

I'm 5 weeks today.

My mum was told straight away at 3+4 or something as I don't keep well and she's my rock and my partners.
We told the rest of our parents at 4+4 so again they were in the loop and able to support.
My work was told at 4+6 as I took ill, had lots of early scans and appointments and wished to take a few holidays to help myself feel better. Only my manager knows..

We plan to tell our grandparents after 12 weeks, and our close friends then too. After that it will just be a gradual release of information.

DinosaurFanGirl Tue 28-Mar-17 11:11:42

Told my parents the day the we found out (4wks!) and then our close friends within the following week. Many of our older friends and family members were horrified we told them so early but the younger ones were instantly there for us in terms of excitement yet readiness to support in terms of my horrendous "morning" sickness and if anything did happen to our little baba. Was a pretty interesting split.

I had to tell work a lot earlier than planned too. My line manager left on sudden long term leave and it was expected I would take some of her responsibility which I wasn't feeling like I could do with how terribly ill pregnancy was making me. I did have an early scan though and so with confirmation of a heart beat I felt a bit better being able to share the news. X

OrangeJulius Tue 28-Mar-17 11:21:57

First pregnancy, we called family at 14 weeks, after we had our combined test results back from the scan and bloods.

I'm 9 weeks with our second. It would be nice to tell family in person this time, so we'll wait until after the scan and then I suppose tell family as we see them. I don't feel any rush to tell anyone.

LokisSister Tue 28-Mar-17 11:44:30

Told mum and one sister at about 7 weeks. Told dc and other sisters at 8/9 weeks after an early scan. Told everyone else after 20 week scan.
Had to tell work about 10 weeks due to needing a risk assessment as very manual job.

glastogal Tue 28-Mar-17 12:30:11

I told my Mum straight away as she took me to some of my IVF appointments and I told a couple of my best friends who have supported me in the TTC journey.. We are going to tell our close family after our 6 week scan and then everyone else will find out ofter 12 weeks. I'm hoping our parents will agree not to tell the extended family until after 12 weeks (or we won't tell them till that point next time!!)

TeaTeaTea Tue 28-Mar-17 12:30:52

I told 2 close friends at work around 7weeks mainly for the daily support. Told manager at 9 weeks due to needing her understanding of time off for appts then told family at 12/13 weeks. Told work team at 16 weeks when started to show.
We've not been in as much a rush to spread it round this time, lots of friends still don't know and I haven't put it on social media, can't say why though.
Very much planned and happy pregnancy but I am moodier so maybe just wanting to hole up and hide away with my bump as if to say it's no one's business:-)

TheLegendOfBeans Tue 28-Mar-17 12:41:31

With pregnancy #1 I told folk at 8 weeks as I'd socially fine AWOL and folk were asking questions.

With pregnancy #2 I told folk at 9 weeks, miscarried at 10 weeks.

Now I am pregnant for the third time and have told quite a few folk. Having a miscarriage is a terrible thing and you need your chums around you. It makes you either ultra conservative with the next pregnancy or more inclined to tell early, I am the latter and I'm scared and need my chums to hold my hand.

In short, tell who you want, when you want. Forget silly 12w rules, just tell who you know would be kind if it all went wrong. That's what I did and everyone was amazing.

Best of luck and for goodness' sake, enjoy being pregnant and all it brings

free stuff
chocolate as a main meal

DaisyS91 Tue 28-Mar-17 12:45:28

Didn't find out till 11 weeks. Mum was in the room so she found out when I found out blush. Told work straight away as I knew it would course a lot of hassle and wanted to give them a heads up.
I told friends at 13 weeks and told my class at twenty weeks because it was getting very obvious by then. Now at 36 weeks I wish I could hide it a bit confused the constant questioning frazzles me!

TheLegendOfBeans Tue 28-Mar-17 13:55:19

Take this as a top tip OP; alter the due date, else you will be plagued by people from week 39 going "have you popped" and it will ENRAGE you.

I'm only 10weeks now but have already told everyone it's mid November (it's the end of October).

RainbowChasing Tue 28-Mar-17 14:03:10

With my dd, we told our parents and siblings immediately but didn't plan on telling anyone else until after the 12 weeks scan. Anyway, the 12 weeks scan came and went and we told a few our our closest friends, and the family members who didn't already know and then we didn't tell anyone else unless we ran into them. We didn't officially announce it on Facebook at any point but when I was about 29 weeks pregnant a photo of me with a bump was uploaded by someone else so anyone who cared who didn't know found out then. I'll do the same with this baby all being well.

Foggymist Tue 28-Mar-17 15:25:41

With ds we told nobody until 12 weeks when I told my mum and two close friends, told inlaws at 15 weeks and told others as we saw them. We never put up a facebook thing as I can't imagine anything more cringey, and my husband has about 1,000 friends on there versus my 100 so I wouldn't tag him in anything! We were still telling people at 32 weeks that we hadn't seen til then.

Haven't told anyone so far this time (6+1), I might tell my mum and close friends at 10 weeks.

Foggymist Tue 28-Mar-17 15:27:38

Actually I put photos up on fb of me at 32, 34 & 36 weeks pregnant (he was born at 36+6) and nobody even noticed! I had an obvious bump by 36 week photos but nope, nobody noticed!

kathrynelizabeth3005 Tue 28-Mar-17 17:29:32

Aside from me telling HR at work as soon as I found out as I was already very nauseous, we didn't tell anyone until we had seen a heartbeat on an early scan at 9 weeks and even then it was just letting my parents and DH's parents know. Told the rest of our family members and some close friends after our 12 week scan (by this time most of my colleagues had guessed so I told them too!) and then eventually put a short post on Facebook after we had a private scan at 16 weeks!

Each to their own really! We'd probably do it the same again if we have a second child although I would want to tell my mum and MIL earlier (as I wanted this time but DH was paranoid about telling) as if anything did go wrong, I would want and need their support.

SuperUnicorn Tue 28-Mar-17 17:56:01

I'm just over 34 weeks and we still haven't told a lot of friends and family. Not for any reason, we just haven't seen them or got around to it.

We didn't tell anyone until 17 weeks. My husband wanted to tell my parents in person and that is when we saw them (we don't live close by). We told his family when we got back from visiting my parents.

Do whatever works best for you.

2bluestars Tue 28-Mar-17 22:04:19

Beans, that is a great tip! I am definitely going to do that grin

We have told a few people- neighbours and a friend at work which might seem a bit strange but we're close to them on a day to day basis iyswim. We'll wait till the scan before telling anyone else, including parents, unless people start to guess due to my enormous podge.

I've already had two kids and i can't remember what we did when i was pregnant with them blush

Isthisusernamefree Wed 29-Mar-17 01:25:56

I'm 15+2 and i've told a handful of people. I'm supposed to be telling my grandparents this weekend but my grandma has terrible anxiety and this news will likely make her have 'a dicky episode' as she calls it. So I'm seriously reluctant, but my mum keeps telling me she'd be upset to know that I don't want to tell her something this important in case it worries her. So I don't know what i'm going to do!!

My mum, dad and younger sister know as do all of my OH's family and a few of our friends, along with our work, but i'm in no hurry to shout about it. We've had two MC in the last year and I'm actually quite enjoying keeping this between a select few, less questions, less people to update etc. We've decided against a facebook announcement, will just post something after the birth. Also, I have no real bump to speak of so I'm pretty confident i've got quite a while to go before it's obvious!

I've still got a brother and another sister to tell, but I'd rather tell them in person and I haven't seen them since xmas!

pinkiepie1 Wed 29-Mar-17 01:31:00

Im 33wk and my dd who's 3 let it slip to my mum at 5wk. Who then told my dad, which was fine by me, as I hate telling people.
My sister said she dreamt I was pregnant so when she asked if I was I just said yeah lol....
Dh told Mil after 12wk scan, along with all sil's.
I have had terrible complications so hate telling people. With my dd my mum ended up having to ring all the extended family and telling them cos I kept it secret until id actually given birth. (Family were a little miffed but after everything I've gone through they understood.)
Congratulations btw xx

harrietm87 Wed 29-Mar-17 09:51:17

I told my mum at 4+4 with my last pregnancy and she was so delighted (my first baby, her first grandchild), then I miscarried at 5 weeks. I'm pregnant again now (the very next cycle) and planning an early scan at 9 weeks. I'm going to see her (she lives abroad) at 10 weeks and would love to have a scan pic to show her. We'll tell inlaws once she knows, then friends after 12 weeks. I'm going to try keep it from work as long as possible.

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