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I know i want an abortion but i just can't face it

(22 Posts)
Marshmellow Tue 06-Mar-07 12:17:06

I had started a previous thread on how i wanted an abortion but can't seem to find it! I had hoped that time would change how i feel but i spend every day wishing it would just go away. I have had my first scan and got my dates all wrong, i am now just creeping up to 12 weeks. I have two beautiful children and want to cry every time i look at them...how can i want to do this? Everyone knows i am pregnant and now i worry about how i can have an abortion and fake a miscarriage? Wouldn't even know what to say had happened. Dh says he'll support me whatever, the thought of staying as we are, just the 4 of us off on our little adventures makes me so happy and the thought of another baby fills me with dread. Has anyone else had a later abortion and lied about what happened to the baby? Please help, i feel time is running out if i don't decide soon. I really have tried to get to grips with being pregnant but i just don't want to be and i know i don't want another.

NAB3 Tue 06-Mar-07 12:18:12


What on earth are you doing? I think you need to get down to the doctors and talk to someone quick smart.

massagemum Tue 06-Mar-07 12:18:16

Is there a reason why you don't want this baby in particular? How old are your other children?

KezzaG Tue 06-Mar-07 12:22:43

Marshmellow I think I remember your thread, was there an illness involved?

I didnt see how it ended but thought you had decided to go ahead with the pg.

you really really need to get some outside help here asap. Does your gp offer counselling quickly? If not are you or your dh covered by an EAP program at work? It sounds like you really dont want to be pg and you need some help sorting out these feelings and knowing how to act on them.

Its a horrible position to be in, but you need to do what is right for you and your family, but be 100% sure of the decision you make. Why dont you phone the gp now and at least get an appointment booked to see someone.

Best of luck

missnatalie Tue 06-Mar-07 12:24:09

Marshmellow you need to do something QUICK. Go to your doctors before it gets too late. The further along you get the harder it will be. Please do something asap.

morningpaper Tue 06-Mar-07 12:24:26

Why does everyone know, if you want to get rid of it?

Why have you left it so late?

It sounds like an abortion really ISN'T what you want.

pooka Tue 06-Mar-07 12:25:23

Do your older children know?

Why do you think that you can't go off on your little adventures with another baby?

Piffle Tue 06-Mar-07 12:26:05

Very difficult to get a termination on the NHS after 13 wks for non medical reasons if you are dead set that is what you want.
You sound very confused and upset, you need to talk to someone, try Marie Stopes or BPAS for good advice on the phone.

FWIw when I had my termination I told work that baby had abnormalities shown at 12 wk scan (I did lie about dates though as I was 11 wks when I had the termination) but with family I could not have lied.

SoupDragon Tue 06-Mar-07 12:26:53

I felt like you with my 3rd child. However, I couldn't go through with it and now DD is a year old. Seeing all 3 children together looks so right now and I know I made the right choice.

missnatalie Tue 06-Mar-07 12:27:06

Ditto what Kezza said. Counselling would be a very good idea. You need to be 100% sure. As i said before the further along you get, the harder it will be.

Natalie x

Marshmellow Tue 06-Mar-07 12:32:48

I don't know what on earth i am doing. Yes i was very ill in previous pregnancy and this makes me very frightened as nearly died.
In my mind i had hoped that it would just go away! Stupid i know. Yes my other children do know, one is 5 and other is 4 very soon. In my heart i know i don't want to go through with this pregnancy but also dread going through with termination and having to explain to my other children where their baby has gone! I want to feel the same elation that i felt with the other two but i just don't. I'm tired, dh hardly ever here and just don't feel i can cope.

missnatalie Tue 06-Mar-07 12:39:19

Marshmellow i really do feel for you. You seem like your in limbo. Dont want to go throught with the pg but cant go through with a termination. I had a termination at 16. My the BF family still think to this day that i had a miscarrige. They never really challenged me on it. Infact they never even mentioned it as they didnt know what to say. Please hun get some kind of counselling or talk to someone you are close to. As Piffle said it will be hard to have a NHS termination after 13 weeks. On the other hand you may change your mind and keep the baby. Your family will still go on as it is but you'll have one extra smile in it.

quietmouse Tue 06-Mar-07 12:44:11

this may be a stupid suggestion - never been in your position thankfully - but could you consider giving the baby up for adoption?

I think if you really wanted an abortion you would have done it by now and you wouldn't have told your family about the baby.

If you do want to have one you really do need to get it sorted very quickly as it is going to be difficult to arrange, I would think, unless you can show that it is really affecting your mental health.

Why do you feel differently about this baby, do you think?

morningpaper Tue 06-Mar-07 12:48:05

at what stage were you ill during previous pregnancy?

is part of you subconsciously waiting until you get to that stage before you make a decision? (even if it's too late by then)

stressteddy Tue 06-Mar-07 12:49:08

Really don't know what to say to you. Deradful situation. Poor you. Great yous RH will support whatever. Is there no one else you can talk to? Will send positive thoughts for the right outcome x

massagemum Tue 06-Mar-07 12:52:38

Was your illness pregnancy related? My friends was very ill during her first prgnancy and therefore during her second pregnancy was kept a very close eye on.

It sounds as though this is what is troubling you.

Can I also just say that in my opinion if you really did want an abortion you wouldn't have told your other children about the pregnancy so soon. It sounds as though it is panic and you should speak to your midwife/consultant quickly about your fears and make sure that if you continue with the pregnancy they can really look after you.

Why is you DH not home very much - how does he feel abhout this?

sunnysideup Tue 06-Mar-07 13:30:07

I agree with the last post; marsh, you sound as if you are in a panic and it's blinding you from being able to think. You sound very sure that you want an abortion but at one point you must have been equally sure you would keep it, otherwise you would not have told your children......

I would say just get to the doctors, and talk about it. Get to know your current options as they stand today; could you talk to a consultant about the outlook for you during this pregnancy, is there something that makes your pregnancy likely to follow the same path as last time? It must be very scary for you....if you can, get someone to look after the kids and house for a day so you can take a deep breath and think what you really want. Go with what you want.

lulumama Tue 06-Mar-07 13:32:53

i remember your last thread

I think , FWIW , that you need to get some help ASAP...not just with this, but the issues that are still haunting you from your last pregnancy and birth

you need to take steps , now, today to either end this pregnancy or take the positive decision to carry on

either way, you need to address the past , as you will not move on full otherwise.

99redballoons Tue 06-Mar-07 15:13:08

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99redballoons Tue 06-Mar-07 15:15:37

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whatamidoing123 Fri 07-Nov-14 11:03:53

Hi im new here...but I know how you feel. Im a mum of 4 and found out im expecting twins! Everyone knows im pregnant and being supportive as im a single mum...but I want to end the pregnancy...I want it to look like a miscarriage...I have been looking for a way out...even had an appointment with bpas....but it breaks my heart thinking of waking up with them gone...but I cant see my life with 6 kids...going through the new baby phase again fills me with dispare...almost as much as them being gone and never holding them or smelling them...what have you decided to do?

Whenwillwe3meetagain Fri 07-Nov-14 11:08:44

The last message was in 2007...you are unlikely to get a response I'm afraid

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