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Telling People

(10 Posts)
Scroobius Mon 20-Mar-17 09:36:47

Hi
Just worried about what to do for the best really. My first pregnancy I had no early symptoms apart from feeling slightly queasy on a morning so it was really easy to not tell anyone at all. This time I'm 10 weeks and have had to tell my TA, Head and Deputy Head as I keep being sick at work. I've also told my mum as OH went away for the weekend, I was feeling pathetically sorry for myself and needed to talk to someone. Anyway I've actually been sent home from work today with sickness and I'm clearly coming off as a miserable cow for not drinking/wanting to do much with friends.
Do we just give up on keeping the secret until the scan at 13 weeks and tell everyone or try and hold off? We did want to let our 4 year old be the one to tell family but obviously definitely don't want to tell her until the scan and everything is confirmed ok. I'd really appreciate some different points of view!

Lemondrop09 Mon 20-Mar-17 09:46:20

There's no rule about when to tell people, you can tell them whenever you want. You don't have to keep it secret till the scans. There are pros and cons to that approach.

I suffered terribly with sickness in the first trimester, causing me to have to fess up to work before 6 weeks. Within another week, I ended up having to tell family and two very close friends, as I had to cancel all social engagements.

I hadn't planned to tell before the 12 week scan, but had my hand forced. It's actually been a good thing because they've been very supportive through a few rough few months.

The only reason to not tell people before 12 weeks is in case you miscarry, and it's then awkward/upsetting to inform everyone. But I decided that there were a number of people in my life (close friends and family) who I would want support from, even if things went wrong. I was ok with those people knowing.

I haven't told work colleagues beyond my immediate boss, and I certainly won't be doing a Facebook announcement till closer to 20 weeks. But I'm glad I told some people early, and following my 12 weeks scan this week, I'm going to start telling people I see regularly who need to know (other friends and colleagues)

Do whatever you feel comfortable with, and if you need some early support, it's ok to get it. Yes it messed up your announcement plans (as happened to us), but it's not then end of the world.

Hope you feel better soon, and do talk to a Dr if the sickness gets really bad. You don't have to suffer.

Scroobius Mon 20-Mar-17 10:01:01

Thanks @Lemondrop it's not so much the announcement that is stopping me, more what is usually done I suppose. I just don't want to end up telling work colleagues etc through necessity before family and friends. It feels weird that my boss etc know and my sister doesn't really.

GreedyDuck Mon 20-Mar-17 10:02:20

Tell people when you want to tell them, it's not like it jinxes anything.

I've had a couple of mcs, and with each I told a few people, but the both ended around 8 weeks. Everyone always mentions telling people you'd want support from, but for me personally I didn't actually need any particular support, apart from my partner, I just wanted to get on with stuff and grieve in private. Last time I told more people after I'd miscarried (ie my team at work and a few friends), but I had control over who I told, and I didn't have to go around untelling people, which frankly is the last thing I felt like doing.

I am currently 8 weeks again, and although I'm feeling a bit bad about dodging friends and social events, it's only going to be for another couple of weeks, so I'm not stressing it too much.

Everyone is different. Once the news is out though, it does have a habit of spreading like wildfire!

Sparklyuggs Mon 20-Mar-17 12:45:16

Completely up to you. My two best friends, parents and siblings on both sides knew about six weeks and I don't regret telling them. If something is going to happen it will happen regardless of who you tell.

calimommy Mon 20-Mar-17 14:36:12

The 12 week wait is sort of unfair really. Apparently it's to protect us if things go wrong, but frankly I've had two losses and both times I wished people had known because once the babies were gone it was like they never existed or mattered, or that I was never pregnant. But 9&10 weeks felt like a long time to me! So my last two pregnancies I've been much more relaxed about telling people, if I had to I just would, instead of making up stupid stories about taking antibiotics or something. And its not usually family that you end up telling first, unless you locked yourself in a cave for 12 weeks. So don't worry, there's no rules, do what you have to. X

WhatInTheWorldIsGoingOn Mon 20-Mar-17 14:41:47

I was 21 weeks the first time and 18 weeks the second. I didn't show and no one guessed. Tell people when you are ready.

Scroobius Mon 20-Mar-17 17:14:27

Thanks everyone. Think I'll speak to OH tonight, see if he agrees we may as well tell family and close friends.

SparkleTwinkleGoldGlitter Mon 20-Mar-17 17:19:25

No rules on this, Tell people whenever you like, pregnancy has no completely safe point as I'm sure you know So there is no safe point to tell people.

I think me and dh told people ( family & close friends) around 10 weeks

Pinkheart5915 Mon 20-Mar-17 17:28:26

With ds ( now 18 months) we told people about 18 weeks as My first pregnancy ended in stillbirth and I knew my family would fuss over so I wanted to leave it as late as I could get away with to tell them

With dd we told them ( mil & my parents) about 12 weeks, ds wore a baby grow with dd scan on

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